Post by Matt Steele on Aug 4, 2012 16:21:59 GMT -5
My name is Jimmy and I'm an alcoholic!... its been almost one and a half year since my last drink... and this... this is my story.
I was born into wealth, as a kid I had almost everything I could dream of except the thing I wanted the most... a bond with my family... I know by now your probaly thinking, that i'm gonna tell you about how mommy and daddy didnt love me enough, but it wasn't that I knew they loved me I knew they cared, why would they bother fullfilling all my material needs, sending me to good schools and support my dreams... no it wasn't love i missed....
you see my family was a typical product of society it self... they were brought up to believe that love was a material thing that could only be shown by gifts of a physical nature... not by just showing your love with a hug or a smile...
As I grew plder I grew angry, I cursed them for their way of showing feelings, I was enraged that cold cash substituded a warm embrace and I wanted them to pay for it... so I joined up with some guys from the underground punk scene... we devoted ourselfs to the thought of anarchy and chaos as freedom.
For many years I was hell bend that everything concieved as beautyful, every last thing that held a material value was something I needed to either rebel against or destroy.... My parents were heartbroken, but lagged the knowledge to show it, they tried talking, tried bribing and tried sending me to talk with a psychiatrist... but I was not part of their lifestyle anymore I had set myself free... or so I thought...
Cause no matter I tried to deny it... I to was a part of my upbringing... sure I didnt value big cars and loads of money... but at the same time I couldnt show love to others... nor to myself... All that was left of my struggle for love was anger... and I needed to release it
One day an old friend introduced me to Perry "PP" Parks, a wrestler turned trainer, when his carreer didn't really go anywhere... Perry took me under his wing and started training me, soon I found out why he had the rebutation of being the best jobber in the business, cause he knew everything about the basics of taking bumps and making it look good.
After training with him for about a year I finally got booked in a small indy promotion in the UK, and from the get go I was thrown into a storyline and a series of hardcore matches as they thought that would fit my in ring style...
From there it just took of and I started being booked in different promotions, who neede a guy who wasn't afraid of taking bumps and doing the hardcore stuff...
As you might have guessed it took its toll on both my body and mind... I started drinking first it was just a couple of beers after the shows, but soon I had to have a couple of beers just to sleep at night... I started missing dates... started to show up to drunk to wrestle... but instead of kicking me to the curb people discovered that I still was good at doing backstage angles.... and that I could deliver comic relief.
I stuck with it for a while... hell I had nothing better to do and it paid the bills... but as I started drinking more and more people stopped booking me and I just didnt care anymore
I had kept in contact with Perry, not much, but we talked from time to time. He had taken a last shot at getting back in the ring, forming a tag team with a young kid, but after a year or so I got an invite from him to come to his retirement party.
At the party Perry introduced me to his former tag partner David, he said that he was still very green and needed someone to show him the ropes... at that time I was already to drunk to care what Perry said, but I agreed to try out tagging with the kid
Three weeks later Perry had got us a match. I had the worst hangover when I finally showed at the arena half an hour to late and in no shape to wrestle. David was anxius to get in the ring, so he just told me to tell him what to do and promissing to cover for me this one time... I didn't really care, but I needed the money... then just before we had to go out there David did something that opened my eyes... he turned to me and gave me a hug thanking me for doing this.... I was stunned and it sparked something in me, as we got to the ring it was like I for the first time noticed the people around me... I was still in no shape to put on a good match, but I tried to do my best
That evening after the show I sat at home, I had bought a six pack as usual... but I couldnt get myself to open it... I went for a walk to clear my head and suddenly found myself at the door to Davids motel room... I knocked and he opened with a big energetic smile... we talked that night and I ended up admitting my problem to him, asking for his help and forgiveness... I collapsed to my knees crying like a child, David just held me and told me he didn't need to forgive me, but he would gladly help me... a couple of hours later he brought me to my first meeting, he couldnt participate himself, but he waited outside till it ended and has done so ever since
He is my guardian angel and I wil never be able to repay him, but I will try the rest of my life
Thank you for listening
God grant me serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference
I was born into wealth, as a kid I had almost everything I could dream of except the thing I wanted the most... a bond with my family... I know by now your probaly thinking, that i'm gonna tell you about how mommy and daddy didnt love me enough, but it wasn't that I knew they loved me I knew they cared, why would they bother fullfilling all my material needs, sending me to good schools and support my dreams... no it wasn't love i missed....
you see my family was a typical product of society it self... they were brought up to believe that love was a material thing that could only be shown by gifts of a physical nature... not by just showing your love with a hug or a smile...
As I grew plder I grew angry, I cursed them for their way of showing feelings, I was enraged that cold cash substituded a warm embrace and I wanted them to pay for it... so I joined up with some guys from the underground punk scene... we devoted ourselfs to the thought of anarchy and chaos as freedom.
For many years I was hell bend that everything concieved as beautyful, every last thing that held a material value was something I needed to either rebel against or destroy.... My parents were heartbroken, but lagged the knowledge to show it, they tried talking, tried bribing and tried sending me to talk with a psychiatrist... but I was not part of their lifestyle anymore I had set myself free... or so I thought...
Cause no matter I tried to deny it... I to was a part of my upbringing... sure I didnt value big cars and loads of money... but at the same time I couldnt show love to others... nor to myself... All that was left of my struggle for love was anger... and I needed to release it
One day an old friend introduced me to Perry "PP" Parks, a wrestler turned trainer, when his carreer didn't really go anywhere... Perry took me under his wing and started training me, soon I found out why he had the rebutation of being the best jobber in the business, cause he knew everything about the basics of taking bumps and making it look good.
After training with him for about a year I finally got booked in a small indy promotion in the UK, and from the get go I was thrown into a storyline and a series of hardcore matches as they thought that would fit my in ring style...
From there it just took of and I started being booked in different promotions, who neede a guy who wasn't afraid of taking bumps and doing the hardcore stuff...
As you might have guessed it took its toll on both my body and mind... I started drinking first it was just a couple of beers after the shows, but soon I had to have a couple of beers just to sleep at night... I started missing dates... started to show up to drunk to wrestle... but instead of kicking me to the curb people discovered that I still was good at doing backstage angles.... and that I could deliver comic relief.
I stuck with it for a while... hell I had nothing better to do and it paid the bills... but as I started drinking more and more people stopped booking me and I just didnt care anymore
I had kept in contact with Perry, not much, but we talked from time to time. He had taken a last shot at getting back in the ring, forming a tag team with a young kid, but after a year or so I got an invite from him to come to his retirement party.
At the party Perry introduced me to his former tag partner David, he said that he was still very green and needed someone to show him the ropes... at that time I was already to drunk to care what Perry said, but I agreed to try out tagging with the kid
Three weeks later Perry had got us a match. I had the worst hangover when I finally showed at the arena half an hour to late and in no shape to wrestle. David was anxius to get in the ring, so he just told me to tell him what to do and promissing to cover for me this one time... I didn't really care, but I needed the money... then just before we had to go out there David did something that opened my eyes... he turned to me and gave me a hug thanking me for doing this.... I was stunned and it sparked something in me, as we got to the ring it was like I for the first time noticed the people around me... I was still in no shape to put on a good match, but I tried to do my best
That evening after the show I sat at home, I had bought a six pack as usual... but I couldnt get myself to open it... I went for a walk to clear my head and suddenly found myself at the door to Davids motel room... I knocked and he opened with a big energetic smile... we talked that night and I ended up admitting my problem to him, asking for his help and forgiveness... I collapsed to my knees crying like a child, David just held me and told me he didn't need to forgive me, but he would gladly help me... a couple of hours later he brought me to my first meeting, he couldnt participate himself, but he waited outside till it ended and has done so ever since
He is my guardian angel and I wil never be able to repay him, but I will try the rest of my life
Thank you for listening
God grant me serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference