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Post by brandonnytrus on Aug 23, 2012 20:55:44 GMT -5
Feedback? Please?
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Post by Da Big Guy on Aug 23, 2012 22:23:43 GMT -5
Read your Rp and all i can say it is good. Improvements from the last rp which you add more match talk and detailed description on what your character is doing.
The downside part is that you need to write more on your second scene. Maybe talk to yourself about things happening like some new guys are here and some even might claim that they are even more hardcore than you ect.
other than that good job
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Post by Kuk Killswitch on Aug 23, 2012 22:26:23 GMT -5
The rp was good. Good writing, didn't notice any spelling or grammer mistakes. Only thing I can say is use more description. Talk about the surroundings and such. Explain clothing, facial expressions, and what the environment looks like.
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Post by brandonnytrus on Aug 23, 2012 22:30:19 GMT -5
Tauf- thanks bro. I will definitely work that in. I was actually thinking about that earlier. I will definitely put that somewhere. Maybe something where I call someone out, who knows. We'll have to wait and see how it plays out.
Kuk- description has been a problem of mine for the past year or two I've been RPing. I do need to work on it and I will make sure you'll see improvement!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2012 21:14:06 GMT -5
hey buddy. here is what I suggest.
1) try and avoid centre layout... it's totally up to you but i find it more difficult to read when it's centred....plus it's a lot easier coping and pasting if you don't have to worry about that extra bit there.
2) You don't have to say your name so much if it's only you in the scene. It's not a bad thing to say his name but it's just a suggestion
3) I don't think Tasha would do that....not because I don't think she would say that but she's a reporter/interviewer so unless she's actually involved with Chicken she probably wouldn't call a wrestler to tell them to take it easy. Like I said, this is just a suggestion and if this is coming across as mean I so don't mean it that way. but I get what you were trying to do and otherwise it was good.
4) your spelling and grammar were spot on.
5) I think you could have put a little more match talk but otherwise they are progressively getting better
6) I disagree a little with TJ about the description...yes you should tell us what they're doing, however too much description and the reader will lose interest. if you can find the middle ground your laughing.
I hope I wasn't too hard on you...and sorry for putting this up so late. I was double booked this week. Keep up the good work!
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