Post by electrastevens on Oct 20, 2012 15:13:24 GMT -5
OOC: A couple things. first off read the "Revealing the Truth"
This takes place a day after Holly's CD RP. Second, this will be more than 2 parts and thirdly... We've tried something a little different because Holly and I both write differently, so hope you enjoy it!
Big Thanks to my writing buddy Holly for helping me on it!
~*~
Caine’s POV:
Normally he would have cracked a joke about those damn chocolate hoarding vending machines. Under different circumstances he would have told her he knew a thing or two about how to get those chocolate bars from the uncooperative boxes of annoyance and sugar. Instead he simply shook his head for a long, silent moment. He felt like it was pointless to point out that no charges would ever be pressed against her because legally speaking what she’d done was self-defense. She was stopping that man from continuing to hurt her and rape her, not to mention she’d told the dispatcher he’d broken in. There would have been plenty of physical evidence to back up her claims he had no doubt about that. It was the very definition of self-defense and no judge, jury, or police officer would ever press charges on her for what she’d done. In fact, the few personal friends or acquaintances Caine had in such legal fields would probably even have been silently slapping her on the back instead of the wrists and approving of her actions, just as he was doing. Caine also felt it would be a waste of time to remind her that anything she told a licensed psychologist would be legally protected by doctor-patient confidentiality laws and that nothing she would tell a professional would ever make it to anyone else’s ears unless that person wanted to lose their medical license, and then it would have been right back to self-defense. Normally he would have told her all things, but now Aidan kept his mouth shut. She’d shown an extreme stubborn streak lately and deep down he almost knew nothing he would say in regards to her getting help, no matter how much he thought she could benefit from it or may need it, would do a bit of good. She was a grown woman, it was her life and her decision, and he felt it was an issue best kept unpressed so he said nothing for a few seconds, only giving her exactly what she’d asked for by pulling her into his arms without saying a word and lightly folding her frame into his long, muscular upper limbs and pressing her closely to his chest. They stayed like that for a short while before finally Caine leaned back, keeping his arms still loosely wrapped around her but so he could now look down into her eyes; they were not far below his own but just enough that he still needed to tilt his head slightly downward. He’d always liked this and when he spoke he spoke with as much honesty as he felt he could safely share, fearing she might not like everything he had to say but knowing that he would rather be honest and risk hurting her feelings than lie to her about anything. His tone was frank but gentle.
"Experiences like what you’ve described to me, terrible things that have happened to you… they always affect you, or anyone for that matter, more than you know or are willing to admit. By listening to you it doesn’t sound like you’ve worked through this Lexi. It sounds like it is still very much a part of your life and you can stand there and tell me I’m wrong but I know what I saw in that hospital today. People don’t have nightmares like that unless something is still very much on their mind… and I’ve watched you sleep at night. You’ve woken me up several times before. I know you have nightmares on a pretty frequent basis. Nights where you’ve hit me and cried, begged someone to stop, tossed and turned... People don’t walk around with walls up all the time if they don’t have a reason that is very much still current. I don’t think this is just the first time in years you’ve let it affect you, even if you do. But for argument’s sake let’s say it is. Every time you experience a memory or a nightmare or bring up something from your past like how Ryan treated you, how he thought you cheated, how you actually DID cheat, the miscarriages, the fertility treatments, what he did to you… every time that happens you are letting it affect you and those around you and you are giving the men of your past exactly what they want, even if they don’t actually know about it or benefit from it. You are giving them a little bit of power every time you let their disgusting actions enter your brain. I have been reminded of what Ryan did to you over and over again. By you, by your family, by Bliss, even by Ryan himself. Every single time I hear it it just makes me more and more homicidal toward him and I feel more and more upset for you… because sweetheart, it IS still affecting you. You don’t realize how much you bring your past up I don’t think. It almost seems to define you sometimes and the thing is… I know you are stronger than that and so much more than what your past has dictated for you. But don’t stand here and tell me it’s not affecting you when even Helen Keller could see that it still is. This affects you more than I think you know. I can tell because I’ve watched it happen for months now and…"
He paused, silently cursing himself and hoping she didn’t pick up on his slip or understand the true meaning behind his words. How could he have seen the toll her past had taken on her for months when she’d just told him and, as far as she knew, he’d just now learned about it? Damnit. Chrissy might never forgive him if it ever came out that she’d told him the whole truth months before Lexi had. Maybe if he just kept talking her attention would focus on something else he said…
"As far as Justin is concerned, he can threaten me all he wants. I’m hoping we can keep this between us for a while longer but eventually the truth will come out. Trust me, Gracie is living proof of that. Just ask Rage. Justin doesn’t concern me anymore in that sense. Him or his “IED” aka Intense Erectile Dysfunction. I don’t give two shits about him. He’s really done nothing to me so far so up until very recently he wasn’t even really on my radar. Hell, I even found myself agreeing with him on a few things here and there and once or twice even liking the guy. He obviously has good taste in women for one. I do have a problem with a few other more recent things but we’ve already discussed that and now is probably not the time to bring any of that up again. So Justin can do whatever he wants to do. I don’t care anymore. I woke up the other day with bigger problems than what Justin is doing."
She had hurt him the day before when she’d told him what she’d done. He felt she had betrayed the trust he had so easily given her, but he couldn’t talk about any of that, not now. Not when she was already so obviously upset and fatigued in just about every sense of the word. So once again he tried to let his thoughts and concerns go again. If he was being completely honest with himself he was growing weary of hearing her talk so much about her ex’s … but he couldn’t say anything because maybe it helped her to talk about it. Still, it did not help him worry any less, especially considering not many other men could say that every single day they go to work they are forced to associate with not one, not two, but three different ex’s from their girlfriend’s past. There were days it did wear on him. Days he asked himself what the hell he was doing, even days where he missed how much less complicated his life used to be when it was just him and Gracie and wrestling. Then he reminded himself of how much he cared about Lexi and it made those rough days easier to bear. Caine liked Drake. The guy was laid back, enjoyed a good beer, and honestly seemed like a good man. That and he hadn’t exactly been sticking his nose into Caine and Lexi’s business aside from a few playful jokes here and there. Unlike Rage or Justin. The fact that Justin and Rage kept coming up over and over again in her conversation and now throw in the fact that Rage could be the father of the child his girlfriend was carrying and couple it with the still very painful truth that Lexi had gone to Justin in a time of need – whether he’d turned her down flat and she regretted her actions or not – it was a lot to accept and try to move on from. He loved her though. He loved this woman so much it actually hurt sometimes and it scared him with the power of it. But as a couple they were hurting now. He’d woken up to a woman who he had previously practically placed on a pedestal and now had suffered from a fall from grace. Maybe it was like she’d said and simply hormones or all the added stress that he’d put her through for weeks. Maybe it was more. Aidan felt so guilty for having put her through the past few weeks and not for the first time he again wished she had simply gone back to North Carolina. He understood and could appreciate why she hadn’t though. He just hated seeing her like this, so tired looking and stressed. He only ever wanted her to smile and be happy. His faith in her and his trust had been damaged and it still was but he was extremely relieved that she had finally told him everything. It was, at least, a step in the right direction to healing. Or so he told himself.
"The past can play a part in who you are but it’s not supposed to be the most powerful motivating character definer in your life. I know I sound a little like Dr. Phil right now but hear me out. I don’t care about your past Electra, all I care about is your present and your future. That’s not to say I won’t ever listen if you need to talk about the past, it doesn’t mean I will ever hold anything from your past against you or that I won’t hold you if you need to be held, or help you in any way that I can. But whatever happened before you and I met is not as important to me as what has happened since the first date that we shared. I don’t hold the fact you had so called “dirty little secrets” against you in any way. Everyone has them and I knew whatever you hadn’t told me you would tell me when you were ready. I meant what I told you yesterday Electra. I’m not delusional enough to believe things will always be perfect. But I do love you. And that’s enough for me."
His hands had come up to carefully hold her face and now he let them slowly lower, caressing her neck and shoulders before dropping his hands completely and stepping back, the sweet and tender moment broken as quickly as it had begun.
Lexi’s POV:
I sighed. yeah... i did talk about my ex’s way too much. and if anything it gave Ryan and Justin more power than i wanted them to have. Regardless of the fact that this baby might be Ryan’s no matter how slim the chances seemed to be, at least by the doctor’s standpoint, there was still that chance and it terrified me that I would again have to deal with his bullshit about not being a good mother. I may be a shitty girlfriend and I may be a mediocre sister but I knew I was a good mother. i looked up at him. I didn’t want to continue to have him doubt me and I knew it was going to take a lot for him to trust me again. Maybe there was a way to talk to someone.... if I talked to someone else, maybe i wouldn’t have to burden Caine with talks of ex’s. He never talked about Lauren and thinking about it now... I’d probably get pretty tired of hearing about her if he talked as much as I did.
“there was this one doctor... at the hospital that I met. I guess she was a grief counsellor. Talked to all of us, me, camilla, Josh.... just to see how we were doing. She gave me her card and said that if ever wanted to talk to her that I could. I guess she was a little more intuitive than I gave her credit for. although I lack a trust in doctors, if it would help you to feel better I’ll go and see her... maybe you're right... maybe i’ve been trying to deal with this on my own for far too long. Guilt for something that you and Drake said I had every right to do. Guilt for abandoning my son for 2 and a half years, guilt because all this time, maybe a part of me thought I deserved it somehow. I don’t know exactly. I”m not the smartest person in the world. there is also the guilt i feel about you. I can’t help but wonder if the reason that Rage did what he did was partly fuelled by the fact that you're with me. I’ve been accused in the past of falling too quickly for the men in my life, but none of them have ever made me feel the way that you do. None of them have treated me like a real person... i’ve always been like some trophy. Fact of the matter is that I love you too and I will do just about anything to prove that despite my errors since you got hurt, I did have good intentions. I”m sorry.... when we get back from L.A,I will call Dr. Auttenberg and set something up. i will do almost anything to try and get back to where we were Adian. and I really hope you feel the same way about that. If you think that if talk to a therapist that I’ll be better for it then I trust you.”
for the first time in Days i was able to give him a real smile. A little bit of the darkness in his eyes brightened a little... maybe because he knew it wasn’t a facade I’d put up to make everyone think I was stronger than I actually was. All this time I’d been hiding behind my training. Hiding behind this mask that nothing ever bothered me. And for a long long time it had worked. It had worked against Ryan... it had worked against Drake even. I’d put my own problems aside to help him work through his...Aidan was the only man i’d been with that didn’t have issues so deep that they blocked out my own and maybe that was the real issue....I had nothing to hide behind anymore.
Was it actually time that I focus on getting myself right? Maybe i had to let someone be my saviour instead of me being everyone else’s for a change. I had no idea that I was having the nightmares again....and there was a piece of me that thought maybe Adian would be better off if I just left. i didn’t want to break up with him. I was completely in love with him but I didn’t want to be the cause of more issues than he deserved. I had more baggage than anyone could hope to deal with and he seemed to be carefree and not worry about much of anything.
I guess part of having the nightmares again was the letter i’d gotten, that Chrissy had forwarded to me. Something that had slipped my mind until this morning when I’d been cleaning out some of the items I’d kept in my purse. The letter that said that Daniel was dying. Something that I hadn’t had a chance to bring up yet. the hardest part of that letter was that he was actually dying and had no living relatives except for me and Chrissy and If he did die.... we were set to inherit a lot of money and i didn’t know if I could accept it. It was blood money. Maybe I did have to tell him this... the letter was in my purse, i could easily hand it to him. Let him read it himself....
Before he could say a word I reached into my purse and pulled out the envelope. he looked at me oddly wondering what I was doing.
“I think part of the reason why this even came up now and not after you were better was that I got this... the day you got hurt. I was going to use it as a way to maybe bring up what had happened to me after the show... I know this is lousy timing so I can wait to give it to you...”
He took the white envelope from my outstretched fingers, reading the address on the front. concern grew more on his face. I went to take it back from him.
“We can wait until later....”
He shook his head and pulled out the paper to read it.
“I don’t know if i want it...” I simply said. “Can you understand why I wouldn’t want millions of dollars? I don’t... I should want it... in all rights shouldn’t I feel like it’s my right to have it? but... I dunno. Maybe I’m just crazy....”
letter:
Dated September 26th, 2012
Dear Miss Stevens:
I am Jeremiah Rogers, of Rogers, Epstein and Bush. I am the legal representation for Mr. Daniel Tobias Finch. I’m writing this letter on behalf of him and the fact that in his will it is stated that you and your sister, Christabel Dee Stevens are the only living relatives of mr. Finch, albeit by marriage.
At this time, Mr.Finch is currently in the hospital, on life support with no hope of recovery. he doesn’t have a living will at this time and so it is left to the decision of his family on whether or not to continue to have the machines sustain his life. I have come to understand that both you and your sister are estranged from Mr.Finch for a number of years but as his lawyer I cannot be the one to make the decision, as he has named you as his power of attorney.
I urge you to come to my offices as soon as you can to discuss this matter and to go over his will and what it entails. For the sake of Mr Finch, please be hasty in your reply as I’m sure he doesn’t have much time left.
Regards,
J. Rogers
Caine’s POV:
He read the letter not once but twice before folding it back up and handing it back to Lexi. Stuffing his hands into his pockets he cleared his throat and shuffled his feet, knowing she was probably trying to read his face like a book and was probably coming up wanting. It was a lot to take in, especially in light of everything else that they had discussed in the past two days, but he hadn’t wanted to wait until later. That hadn’t accomplished anything in the past as far as they, as a couple, were concerned. He was trying to put himself in Electra’s shoes, a task that he quickly realized was impossible. He knew for her the money was probably a non-issue. For one with Caine she didn’t need to worry about money anymore, despite her continued arguments on an almost daily basis that “this was too expensive” or “that cost too much.” She really had no clue how much money he and his family made, that much was apparent. It was about more than that though and he knew it. She still felt guilty about what she’d done and until the day came where she didn’t any money she would receive from that douchebag’s death was simply blood money. Dirty and unwarranted in her eyes. He understood though he doubted she thought he would. If she were the one to one day turn off those machines she could feel that she was killing the man, and she already felt guilty enough about coming so close once before. Aidan knew what it was like to know that someone’s blood, their death, was completely in your hands... but that was a different story for a different day and one he still wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to share with anyone, even her. He looked into her face and she looked lost so he searched for the words that might, even in the slightest way, help ease her mind. He didn’t know what she wanted to hear from him or if she was even looking for his opinion or she was simply wanting to let him in on what was going on. So he tried to tread lightly.
"I can’t tell you what to do or how to feel about this Lexi. No one can but you. I think though that maybe you need to focus on your right now and not worry about what to do as far as he is concerned. Maybe once you have done that the answers you need will come easier. I’ll tell you what, if you’ll agree to go and talk to this doctor a few times to see if it helps, I’ll agree to let the issue drop if you if you feel it isn’t helping you. And don’t put yourself down. You are smart Lexi and you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. You did the best you could time and time again in bad situations with little choices and few options to choose from. That’s all. That makes you pretty damn strong in my book. Strong enough to handle this. And if you want me to be, I’ll be right by your side for every step of this. If you’d rather take care of this on your own though, I’m fine with that too. I want to fix this too Lexi. I never thought that after… after… well, I never thought I would find anything close to this again. But I did, and I fight for things that are important to me. You may not have much time but you do still have some time to figure this out and right now, even if things are a little rocky between us, I still don’t have any plans to go anywhere unless that’s what you want. You know you won’t ever need to worry about money again so I don’t think you should focus too much of your attentions on that part of it. Just focus on you and what you need to do. I’ll give you whatever I can. Whether it’s time, space, or just a listening ear. Okay?"
His brain was working in overdrive, struggling to keep up and process all of this. Lexi’s past had a way of coming back to haunt her like he’d never seen with any other person in his entire life. Why couldn’t things just be easier for her for once? God knew she’d earned that. Their status as a couple was potentially in question at the moment and there was not a doubt in his mind that his life would probably be easier without Electra Stevens in it. He knew dating her had helped get him in Rage’s sights and had put a target on his back. He’d caught a lot of hell from a lot of people about being with her and in the beginning there had been a few times where he’d even considered walking away while he still had a chance, more out of fear of getting in too deep too fast and being tied down and involved in something as potentially complicated as a single mother with her exes as his coworkers. But he hadn’t been able to do it. None of things anyone had said had mattered to him and he wasn’t afraid of anything Ryan Styles would try to do to him. Because just because life might be easier without her, there was also no way he would have been any happier without her. She was the brightest part of his days, especially with his daughter so far away so much of the time. She seemed to need him but the truth was he needed her too. The day before they’d taken a few steps back but how he appreciated that she was willing to go talk to someone to at least see if it would help. Aidan didn’t know if it would or not but he didn’t think it could hurt and having seen her smile a true, genuine smile for the first time in what felt like a long time made him feel a surge of happiness of his own. They had some ground to make up, but he still felt that they’d made a small, tiny step forward again and in the right direction. He just hoped she wouldn’t allow this letter to eat away at her like so many other things seemed to. He hoped she wouldn’t always continue to feel like she was alone, when he was both literally and figuratively right there beside her.
Lexi’s POV:
I sighed deeply and looked up at him but not before dropping the envelope back in my purse. I just didn’t want to think about any of that now. I felt like a deflated balloon and for now, I was done talking about my past. looking up at him I could see that we still had far to go in mending but our relationship was far from broken beyond all repair. I closed the distance between us again, hoping he wouldn’t turn away but he didn’t. he let me run a hand across his cheek, through his hair, the whole time I wondered if he saw the relief in my eyes. The fact that me touching him this way was me making sure I wasn’t still dreaming. He’d come so close to keeping those gorgeous eyes closed forever.
"You really scared me Cowboy. I would really love to just sleep the rest of the day away but we have a flight to catch and Cam is looking forward to seeing you, even if it is for only a few minutes... she said she’d drive us and then pick us up after but I’m thinking that maybe I need to make a trip to Toronto and I’m hoping that you’ll come with me. the sooner I get this taken care of the sooner I can put some closure on it. I want to talk to this lawyer before I do anything, again with you holding my hand I think I can do anything. I’m a better person with you in my life Adian. I hope you realize that. For once I think I might actually sleep on a flight somewhere...."
I gave him a smirk and wasn’t sure if he thought anything of it. If I had to be a better person for anybody it was for my son first and foremost. Besides that, I was going to be a mom of 2 and a kind of surrogate mother to one adorable 11 month old who had captured my heart the moment I’d seen her look up at me. then there was my further talks with Madd Katt. he’d said that he wanted me to start work at the first or second show after After Shock. he had wanted me to work for him because of my strength, because of my experience. it was time to let all this go and stop letting my past determine my future and I couldn’t ask anybody to do that for me.
i took his hand and we started toward the elevator that would take us up. i knew this would be one of many disagreements and serious discussions we would have but i felt better to have at least been through, even if I had been the one to bushwhack my way, more so than he did. I realized that he was more concerned about my health than anything else and his worry was that what if Justin had turned on me when I went to him? I understood that. i understood that now that I was more stable emotionally. What was done was done though and i couldn’t take it back, all I could do from here was move on and get stronger as a couple... as a family.
This takes place a day after Holly's CD RP. Second, this will be more than 2 parts and thirdly... We've tried something a little different because Holly and I both write differently, so hope you enjoy it!
Big Thanks to my writing buddy Holly for helping me on it!
~*~
Caine’s POV:
Normally he would have cracked a joke about those damn chocolate hoarding vending machines. Under different circumstances he would have told her he knew a thing or two about how to get those chocolate bars from the uncooperative boxes of annoyance and sugar. Instead he simply shook his head for a long, silent moment. He felt like it was pointless to point out that no charges would ever be pressed against her because legally speaking what she’d done was self-defense. She was stopping that man from continuing to hurt her and rape her, not to mention she’d told the dispatcher he’d broken in. There would have been plenty of physical evidence to back up her claims he had no doubt about that. It was the very definition of self-defense and no judge, jury, or police officer would ever press charges on her for what she’d done. In fact, the few personal friends or acquaintances Caine had in such legal fields would probably even have been silently slapping her on the back instead of the wrists and approving of her actions, just as he was doing. Caine also felt it would be a waste of time to remind her that anything she told a licensed psychologist would be legally protected by doctor-patient confidentiality laws and that nothing she would tell a professional would ever make it to anyone else’s ears unless that person wanted to lose their medical license, and then it would have been right back to self-defense. Normally he would have told her all things, but now Aidan kept his mouth shut. She’d shown an extreme stubborn streak lately and deep down he almost knew nothing he would say in regards to her getting help, no matter how much he thought she could benefit from it or may need it, would do a bit of good. She was a grown woman, it was her life and her decision, and he felt it was an issue best kept unpressed so he said nothing for a few seconds, only giving her exactly what she’d asked for by pulling her into his arms without saying a word and lightly folding her frame into his long, muscular upper limbs and pressing her closely to his chest. They stayed like that for a short while before finally Caine leaned back, keeping his arms still loosely wrapped around her but so he could now look down into her eyes; they were not far below his own but just enough that he still needed to tilt his head slightly downward. He’d always liked this and when he spoke he spoke with as much honesty as he felt he could safely share, fearing she might not like everything he had to say but knowing that he would rather be honest and risk hurting her feelings than lie to her about anything. His tone was frank but gentle.
"Experiences like what you’ve described to me, terrible things that have happened to you… they always affect you, or anyone for that matter, more than you know or are willing to admit. By listening to you it doesn’t sound like you’ve worked through this Lexi. It sounds like it is still very much a part of your life and you can stand there and tell me I’m wrong but I know what I saw in that hospital today. People don’t have nightmares like that unless something is still very much on their mind… and I’ve watched you sleep at night. You’ve woken me up several times before. I know you have nightmares on a pretty frequent basis. Nights where you’ve hit me and cried, begged someone to stop, tossed and turned... People don’t walk around with walls up all the time if they don’t have a reason that is very much still current. I don’t think this is just the first time in years you’ve let it affect you, even if you do. But for argument’s sake let’s say it is. Every time you experience a memory or a nightmare or bring up something from your past like how Ryan treated you, how he thought you cheated, how you actually DID cheat, the miscarriages, the fertility treatments, what he did to you… every time that happens you are letting it affect you and those around you and you are giving the men of your past exactly what they want, even if they don’t actually know about it or benefit from it. You are giving them a little bit of power every time you let their disgusting actions enter your brain. I have been reminded of what Ryan did to you over and over again. By you, by your family, by Bliss, even by Ryan himself. Every single time I hear it it just makes me more and more homicidal toward him and I feel more and more upset for you… because sweetheart, it IS still affecting you. You don’t realize how much you bring your past up I don’t think. It almost seems to define you sometimes and the thing is… I know you are stronger than that and so much more than what your past has dictated for you. But don’t stand here and tell me it’s not affecting you when even Helen Keller could see that it still is. This affects you more than I think you know. I can tell because I’ve watched it happen for months now and…"
He paused, silently cursing himself and hoping she didn’t pick up on his slip or understand the true meaning behind his words. How could he have seen the toll her past had taken on her for months when she’d just told him and, as far as she knew, he’d just now learned about it? Damnit. Chrissy might never forgive him if it ever came out that she’d told him the whole truth months before Lexi had. Maybe if he just kept talking her attention would focus on something else he said…
"As far as Justin is concerned, he can threaten me all he wants. I’m hoping we can keep this between us for a while longer but eventually the truth will come out. Trust me, Gracie is living proof of that. Just ask Rage. Justin doesn’t concern me anymore in that sense. Him or his “IED” aka Intense Erectile Dysfunction. I don’t give two shits about him. He’s really done nothing to me so far so up until very recently he wasn’t even really on my radar. Hell, I even found myself agreeing with him on a few things here and there and once or twice even liking the guy. He obviously has good taste in women for one. I do have a problem with a few other more recent things but we’ve already discussed that and now is probably not the time to bring any of that up again. So Justin can do whatever he wants to do. I don’t care anymore. I woke up the other day with bigger problems than what Justin is doing."
She had hurt him the day before when she’d told him what she’d done. He felt she had betrayed the trust he had so easily given her, but he couldn’t talk about any of that, not now. Not when she was already so obviously upset and fatigued in just about every sense of the word. So once again he tried to let his thoughts and concerns go again. If he was being completely honest with himself he was growing weary of hearing her talk so much about her ex’s … but he couldn’t say anything because maybe it helped her to talk about it. Still, it did not help him worry any less, especially considering not many other men could say that every single day they go to work they are forced to associate with not one, not two, but three different ex’s from their girlfriend’s past. There were days it did wear on him. Days he asked himself what the hell he was doing, even days where he missed how much less complicated his life used to be when it was just him and Gracie and wrestling. Then he reminded himself of how much he cared about Lexi and it made those rough days easier to bear. Caine liked Drake. The guy was laid back, enjoyed a good beer, and honestly seemed like a good man. That and he hadn’t exactly been sticking his nose into Caine and Lexi’s business aside from a few playful jokes here and there. Unlike Rage or Justin. The fact that Justin and Rage kept coming up over and over again in her conversation and now throw in the fact that Rage could be the father of the child his girlfriend was carrying and couple it with the still very painful truth that Lexi had gone to Justin in a time of need – whether he’d turned her down flat and she regretted her actions or not – it was a lot to accept and try to move on from. He loved her though. He loved this woman so much it actually hurt sometimes and it scared him with the power of it. But as a couple they were hurting now. He’d woken up to a woman who he had previously practically placed on a pedestal and now had suffered from a fall from grace. Maybe it was like she’d said and simply hormones or all the added stress that he’d put her through for weeks. Maybe it was more. Aidan felt so guilty for having put her through the past few weeks and not for the first time he again wished she had simply gone back to North Carolina. He understood and could appreciate why she hadn’t though. He just hated seeing her like this, so tired looking and stressed. He only ever wanted her to smile and be happy. His faith in her and his trust had been damaged and it still was but he was extremely relieved that she had finally told him everything. It was, at least, a step in the right direction to healing. Or so he told himself.
"The past can play a part in who you are but it’s not supposed to be the most powerful motivating character definer in your life. I know I sound a little like Dr. Phil right now but hear me out. I don’t care about your past Electra, all I care about is your present and your future. That’s not to say I won’t ever listen if you need to talk about the past, it doesn’t mean I will ever hold anything from your past against you or that I won’t hold you if you need to be held, or help you in any way that I can. But whatever happened before you and I met is not as important to me as what has happened since the first date that we shared. I don’t hold the fact you had so called “dirty little secrets” against you in any way. Everyone has them and I knew whatever you hadn’t told me you would tell me when you were ready. I meant what I told you yesterday Electra. I’m not delusional enough to believe things will always be perfect. But I do love you. And that’s enough for me."
His hands had come up to carefully hold her face and now he let them slowly lower, caressing her neck and shoulders before dropping his hands completely and stepping back, the sweet and tender moment broken as quickly as it had begun.
Lexi’s POV:
I sighed. yeah... i did talk about my ex’s way too much. and if anything it gave Ryan and Justin more power than i wanted them to have. Regardless of the fact that this baby might be Ryan’s no matter how slim the chances seemed to be, at least by the doctor’s standpoint, there was still that chance and it terrified me that I would again have to deal with his bullshit about not being a good mother. I may be a shitty girlfriend and I may be a mediocre sister but I knew I was a good mother. i looked up at him. I didn’t want to continue to have him doubt me and I knew it was going to take a lot for him to trust me again. Maybe there was a way to talk to someone.... if I talked to someone else, maybe i wouldn’t have to burden Caine with talks of ex’s. He never talked about Lauren and thinking about it now... I’d probably get pretty tired of hearing about her if he talked as much as I did.
“there was this one doctor... at the hospital that I met. I guess she was a grief counsellor. Talked to all of us, me, camilla, Josh.... just to see how we were doing. She gave me her card and said that if ever wanted to talk to her that I could. I guess she was a little more intuitive than I gave her credit for. although I lack a trust in doctors, if it would help you to feel better I’ll go and see her... maybe you're right... maybe i’ve been trying to deal with this on my own for far too long. Guilt for something that you and Drake said I had every right to do. Guilt for abandoning my son for 2 and a half years, guilt because all this time, maybe a part of me thought I deserved it somehow. I don’t know exactly. I”m not the smartest person in the world. there is also the guilt i feel about you. I can’t help but wonder if the reason that Rage did what he did was partly fuelled by the fact that you're with me. I’ve been accused in the past of falling too quickly for the men in my life, but none of them have ever made me feel the way that you do. None of them have treated me like a real person... i’ve always been like some trophy. Fact of the matter is that I love you too and I will do just about anything to prove that despite my errors since you got hurt, I did have good intentions. I”m sorry.... when we get back from L.A,I will call Dr. Auttenberg and set something up. i will do almost anything to try and get back to where we were Adian. and I really hope you feel the same way about that. If you think that if talk to a therapist that I’ll be better for it then I trust you.”
for the first time in Days i was able to give him a real smile. A little bit of the darkness in his eyes brightened a little... maybe because he knew it wasn’t a facade I’d put up to make everyone think I was stronger than I actually was. All this time I’d been hiding behind my training. Hiding behind this mask that nothing ever bothered me. And for a long long time it had worked. It had worked against Ryan... it had worked against Drake even. I’d put my own problems aside to help him work through his...Aidan was the only man i’d been with that didn’t have issues so deep that they blocked out my own and maybe that was the real issue....I had nothing to hide behind anymore.
Was it actually time that I focus on getting myself right? Maybe i had to let someone be my saviour instead of me being everyone else’s for a change. I had no idea that I was having the nightmares again....and there was a piece of me that thought maybe Adian would be better off if I just left. i didn’t want to break up with him. I was completely in love with him but I didn’t want to be the cause of more issues than he deserved. I had more baggage than anyone could hope to deal with and he seemed to be carefree and not worry about much of anything.
I guess part of having the nightmares again was the letter i’d gotten, that Chrissy had forwarded to me. Something that had slipped my mind until this morning when I’d been cleaning out some of the items I’d kept in my purse. The letter that said that Daniel was dying. Something that I hadn’t had a chance to bring up yet. the hardest part of that letter was that he was actually dying and had no living relatives except for me and Chrissy and If he did die.... we were set to inherit a lot of money and i didn’t know if I could accept it. It was blood money. Maybe I did have to tell him this... the letter was in my purse, i could easily hand it to him. Let him read it himself....
Before he could say a word I reached into my purse and pulled out the envelope. he looked at me oddly wondering what I was doing.
“I think part of the reason why this even came up now and not after you were better was that I got this... the day you got hurt. I was going to use it as a way to maybe bring up what had happened to me after the show... I know this is lousy timing so I can wait to give it to you...”
He took the white envelope from my outstretched fingers, reading the address on the front. concern grew more on his face. I went to take it back from him.
“We can wait until later....”
He shook his head and pulled out the paper to read it.
“I don’t know if i want it...” I simply said. “Can you understand why I wouldn’t want millions of dollars? I don’t... I should want it... in all rights shouldn’t I feel like it’s my right to have it? but... I dunno. Maybe I’m just crazy....”
letter:
Dated September 26th, 2012
Dear Miss Stevens:
I am Jeremiah Rogers, of Rogers, Epstein and Bush. I am the legal representation for Mr. Daniel Tobias Finch. I’m writing this letter on behalf of him and the fact that in his will it is stated that you and your sister, Christabel Dee Stevens are the only living relatives of mr. Finch, albeit by marriage.
At this time, Mr.Finch is currently in the hospital, on life support with no hope of recovery. he doesn’t have a living will at this time and so it is left to the decision of his family on whether or not to continue to have the machines sustain his life. I have come to understand that both you and your sister are estranged from Mr.Finch for a number of years but as his lawyer I cannot be the one to make the decision, as he has named you as his power of attorney.
I urge you to come to my offices as soon as you can to discuss this matter and to go over his will and what it entails. For the sake of Mr Finch, please be hasty in your reply as I’m sure he doesn’t have much time left.
Regards,
J. Rogers
Caine’s POV:
He read the letter not once but twice before folding it back up and handing it back to Lexi. Stuffing his hands into his pockets he cleared his throat and shuffled his feet, knowing she was probably trying to read his face like a book and was probably coming up wanting. It was a lot to take in, especially in light of everything else that they had discussed in the past two days, but he hadn’t wanted to wait until later. That hadn’t accomplished anything in the past as far as they, as a couple, were concerned. He was trying to put himself in Electra’s shoes, a task that he quickly realized was impossible. He knew for her the money was probably a non-issue. For one with Caine she didn’t need to worry about money anymore, despite her continued arguments on an almost daily basis that “this was too expensive” or “that cost too much.” She really had no clue how much money he and his family made, that much was apparent. It was about more than that though and he knew it. She still felt guilty about what she’d done and until the day came where she didn’t any money she would receive from that douchebag’s death was simply blood money. Dirty and unwarranted in her eyes. He understood though he doubted she thought he would. If she were the one to one day turn off those machines she could feel that she was killing the man, and she already felt guilty enough about coming so close once before. Aidan knew what it was like to know that someone’s blood, their death, was completely in your hands... but that was a different story for a different day and one he still wasn’t sure he would ever be ready to share with anyone, even her. He looked into her face and she looked lost so he searched for the words that might, even in the slightest way, help ease her mind. He didn’t know what she wanted to hear from him or if she was even looking for his opinion or she was simply wanting to let him in on what was going on. So he tried to tread lightly.
"I can’t tell you what to do or how to feel about this Lexi. No one can but you. I think though that maybe you need to focus on your right now and not worry about what to do as far as he is concerned. Maybe once you have done that the answers you need will come easier. I’ll tell you what, if you’ll agree to go and talk to this doctor a few times to see if it helps, I’ll agree to let the issue drop if you if you feel it isn’t helping you. And don’t put yourself down. You are smart Lexi and you have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. You did the best you could time and time again in bad situations with little choices and few options to choose from. That’s all. That makes you pretty damn strong in my book. Strong enough to handle this. And if you want me to be, I’ll be right by your side for every step of this. If you’d rather take care of this on your own though, I’m fine with that too. I want to fix this too Lexi. I never thought that after… after… well, I never thought I would find anything close to this again. But I did, and I fight for things that are important to me. You may not have much time but you do still have some time to figure this out and right now, even if things are a little rocky between us, I still don’t have any plans to go anywhere unless that’s what you want. You know you won’t ever need to worry about money again so I don’t think you should focus too much of your attentions on that part of it. Just focus on you and what you need to do. I’ll give you whatever I can. Whether it’s time, space, or just a listening ear. Okay?"
His brain was working in overdrive, struggling to keep up and process all of this. Lexi’s past had a way of coming back to haunt her like he’d never seen with any other person in his entire life. Why couldn’t things just be easier for her for once? God knew she’d earned that. Their status as a couple was potentially in question at the moment and there was not a doubt in his mind that his life would probably be easier without Electra Stevens in it. He knew dating her had helped get him in Rage’s sights and had put a target on his back. He’d caught a lot of hell from a lot of people about being with her and in the beginning there had been a few times where he’d even considered walking away while he still had a chance, more out of fear of getting in too deep too fast and being tied down and involved in something as potentially complicated as a single mother with her exes as his coworkers. But he hadn’t been able to do it. None of things anyone had said had mattered to him and he wasn’t afraid of anything Ryan Styles would try to do to him. Because just because life might be easier without her, there was also no way he would have been any happier without her. She was the brightest part of his days, especially with his daughter so far away so much of the time. She seemed to need him but the truth was he needed her too. The day before they’d taken a few steps back but how he appreciated that she was willing to go talk to someone to at least see if it would help. Aidan didn’t know if it would or not but he didn’t think it could hurt and having seen her smile a true, genuine smile for the first time in what felt like a long time made him feel a surge of happiness of his own. They had some ground to make up, but he still felt that they’d made a small, tiny step forward again and in the right direction. He just hoped she wouldn’t allow this letter to eat away at her like so many other things seemed to. He hoped she wouldn’t always continue to feel like she was alone, when he was both literally and figuratively right there beside her.
Lexi’s POV:
I sighed deeply and looked up at him but not before dropping the envelope back in my purse. I just didn’t want to think about any of that now. I felt like a deflated balloon and for now, I was done talking about my past. looking up at him I could see that we still had far to go in mending but our relationship was far from broken beyond all repair. I closed the distance between us again, hoping he wouldn’t turn away but he didn’t. he let me run a hand across his cheek, through his hair, the whole time I wondered if he saw the relief in my eyes. The fact that me touching him this way was me making sure I wasn’t still dreaming. He’d come so close to keeping those gorgeous eyes closed forever.
"You really scared me Cowboy. I would really love to just sleep the rest of the day away but we have a flight to catch and Cam is looking forward to seeing you, even if it is for only a few minutes... she said she’d drive us and then pick us up after but I’m thinking that maybe I need to make a trip to Toronto and I’m hoping that you’ll come with me. the sooner I get this taken care of the sooner I can put some closure on it. I want to talk to this lawyer before I do anything, again with you holding my hand I think I can do anything. I’m a better person with you in my life Adian. I hope you realize that. For once I think I might actually sleep on a flight somewhere...."
I gave him a smirk and wasn’t sure if he thought anything of it. If I had to be a better person for anybody it was for my son first and foremost. Besides that, I was going to be a mom of 2 and a kind of surrogate mother to one adorable 11 month old who had captured my heart the moment I’d seen her look up at me. then there was my further talks with Madd Katt. he’d said that he wanted me to start work at the first or second show after After Shock. he had wanted me to work for him because of my strength, because of my experience. it was time to let all this go and stop letting my past determine my future and I couldn’t ask anybody to do that for me.
i took his hand and we started toward the elevator that would take us up. i knew this would be one of many disagreements and serious discussions we would have but i felt better to have at least been through, even if I had been the one to bushwhack my way, more so than he did. I realized that he was more concerned about my health than anything else and his worry was that what if Justin had turned on me when I went to him? I understood that. i understood that now that I was more stable emotionally. What was done was done though and i couldn’t take it back, all I could do from here was move on and get stronger as a couple... as a family.