On the Road #2

[To Be Announced]

You know, I always wanted to go to Disneyland ever since I was a little kid. Of course most of you probably had the same dream, and perhaps some of you actually lived that dream as a kid. But since the MPW guys were heading down the road to Anaheim for this week's edition of TNT, I couldn't resist. Sweeney and I were so pumped up for our little trip, but unfortunately we were still carrying some extra baggage...

Ms. Biguns: *pant* Can we like stop for a minute? Why'd you have to walk so fast?

Sweeney: What? This is how we always walk. Maybe if you weren't so...

Chicken: No dude, don't say it...you'll only make her mad.

We were only at Main Street, USA. And oh boy, look who just collapsed on that bench. We can't keep going at this pace.

Sweeney: Come on man, she just sat back down. Why'd you have to bring her along?

Chicken: Because...

Sweeney: Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot about your little quest to make her love you. Open your eyes man, she hates you. She has rejected you time and time again. You saved her job, you even shared Christmas dinner with her, and what thanks has she given you? None. She has been nothing to you but a hindrance. If anything she has made your career even worse with her constant whining and eating! And so now you wanted to bring her along to Disneyland in a futile attempt to make her happy, and so far all it has done is give her a semi-heart attack trying to keep up with us!

Chicken: But you don't understand...

Sweeney: No man, you don't understand that this cow is making you suffer. You're still so obsessed with trying to win her affection that you've completely lost sight of what she has become! She's over a hundred and eighty pounds now for fuck sake!

Watch the language man, there's a family behind you...

Sweeney: Clearly she wants nothing to do with you, and if all she wants is gorge herself while feeling sorry for herself and spouting crap at everyone, then just dump her ass. You've done everything you possibly can to help her not only turn her feelings towards you but also turn her entire life around and everything you've tried has been useless. You don't need her man, you were better off without her. Heck, you even had title opportunities here without her! With her in your corner you've been lucky to even get in the match card! Seriously dude, you don't need her, and if she keeps behaving like she doesn't need you, then I say just let her go and get on with her life by herself!

...

Awkward silence...but as much as I hate to admit it he does have a point...

Sweeney: Right...I'm off to Tomorrowland to check out the monorail. You coming with?

...

Chicken: Uhh...no thanks. Got some things to think about...

Sweeney: Alright man. Take it easy...

And off he goes into the crowd. There's a gray sky up ahead. Looks like it's about to piss down. Typical. Oh, and look at that. No Ms. Biguns to be found. Wonder where's she waddled off to. Oh well, might as well look around for her...see if she's okay...

...

Hang on, is that...

Tasha Jordan: Chicken? What are you doing here?

Chicken: Tasha, didn't expect to find you here! Nah I'm just here with a friend of mine. Never been to Disneyland before so I thought I'd check it out...

Tasha Jordan: Is you know who with you?

Chicken: *sigh* Yeah but she's wandered off somewhere...

Tasha Jordan: Hey, what's with the sigh? You're in the happiest place on earth but you look down in the dumps! What's up?

Chicken: Oh I don't know...it's just that...things haven't turned out how I expected. You know, ever since I met her all I wanted in my life was to be with Ms. Biguns. It was like a dream of mine to work alongside her in the wrestling business. But since I signed her as my manager, things have only become worse than they already are. All she seems to do is eat and complain, and everything I try to do to cheer her up just fails. No matter what I do she just won't stop. That's why I brought her along here to Disneyland, because it's gotten to the point where I just don't know what to do...

Tasha Jordan: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to make you feel a little bit better at least?

Hmm...

Chicken: Well actually I was just thinking...I have that match against Taufik this week. Maybe you'd like to come to ringside with me?

Tasha Jordan: But what about...

Chicken: It's okay, I'll just give her the day off. Tell her to go to the gym or something. And to be honest, I could do with a break from her...

Oh my, what's happening here?

Chicken: ...and then maybe, who knows. Maybe we can finally have that dinner afterwards?

Okay, getting a little close now...

Tasha Jordan: Oh Chicken, I'd love to. But what about Taufik? What if he...

Chicken: If he what? If he sets his little pussy follower on me? If he sets his gay Olympic partner on me? Or maybe he'll bore me to death with one of those pointlessly dull and completely awful promos? Don't worry about me Tasha, that overgrown potato won't even lay a finger on me. If he wants to hurt me then he's gonna have to catch me first, and if his painstakingly slow and pitiful promos are anything to go by, then I doubt he'll be doing that anytime soon! So what do you say? Shall I meet up with you after the show?

Close proximity here...I can feel her breath...and it doesn't smell like donuts...

Tasha Jordan: Of course, I'd love to. I'll see you later.

Chicken: Good...I mean great! I'll see you then!

Wow...I mean seriously wow! I've never been that close and personal to a woman like that! Maybe I have had it all wrong after all. Maybe I've been chasing after the wrong bird all along! Maybe Tasha could be the one...

...

Someone's tapping my back...oh...

Ms. Biguns: *snort* Look! It's Taufik!

She's holding out a Mr. Potato Head toy to me, of course with her free hand, because surprise surprise she has a cotton candy stick in her other hand...

Chicken: Oh yeah, I see what you did there. Funny. Hey, they didn't have the piggy bank in the store did they?

Ms. Biguns: Yeah but I didn't buy one. Why?

Chicken: Oh...no reason...how about a piece of cotton candy?

Ms. Biguns: Fat chance!

And off she goes again. Honestly it's like dealing with an overweight emo teenager!

Chicken: Interesting choice of words...



TRIVIA: Did you know that the first film Chicken ever watched in the cinema was Aladdin?