Post by elcunado on Jan 14, 2013 4:11:28 GMT -5
Two Weeks Ago:
-The scene opens up to to a random strip club somewhere in Vegas at 10 A.M. Inside we see a bearded man getting a lap dance in the corner of the club. As soon as it's over his phone begins to ring. The caller ID says "Brolo. A huge smile comes to his face as he answers the phone.-
El Cunado: Brolo!
Brolo: I told you to stop calling me that!
El Cunado: You're crazy man. You wanna party?
Brolo: What the fuck is that noise? Are you at a strip club at 10 in the morning?
El Cunado: Yeah bro. These bitches are fine.
Brolo: Why are you at a strip club right now?
El Cunado: I don't have anything else to do. What are you doing? You wanna party?
Brolo: Just deciding that I'm not going to be in the Army of One Rumble.
El Cunado: What's that?
Brolo: It's a battle royal.
El Cunado: Really? I wanna do that. Can I do that?
Brolo: Well technically anyone can enter...
El Cunado: I'm in!
Brolo: I dont' think that's a good idea.
El Cunado: You can't stop me. I'm convinced. AND I'm going to win.
Brolo: Whatever man. Good luck.
El Cunado: I don't need luck. I literally am a army of one...
-El Cunado hangs up the phone.-
El Cunado: I'm going to enter that thing and I'm going to win!
-El Cunado gets up and leaves the strip club as the scene fades to black.-
Present Day:
-The scene opens up to El Cunado in a locker room at the MPW House Show that is currently taking place. He's in his wrestling attire as he walks up to the camera and begins to talk.-
El Cunado: MPW. Sup? Are you ready? Are you ready for what I'm about to drop on you guys at Army of One! I'm going to win this Rumble and then I'm pretty sure they're going to let me bang one of the chicks. Hopefully it's Bliss or Roxi. Maybe both!
So let's get to it then. I guess we should probably start with the girls in this thing. Bliss and Roxi. Look, I know this is a competition where the winner gets to bang one or both of you but that doesn't mean you can compete. If you guys want to bang each other we are all completely cool with that. I'll be there to document it if needed. I really hope the two of you are only in this thing to bring us men, the real competitors, some drinks and maybe some of those mini sandwiches. I like my crusts cut off ladies. Don't make me Chris Brown a bitch.
So who else do we have in this thing? Ian Andrews? Bro I will slap the shit out of you.
Chicken? Yes please.
Taufik? What did you just say?
TJ Pain? Didn't we Eiffel Tower a bitch one time? Just like I will be in this rumble I remember being on top of that one too.
Drake Hunter? I hear you might actually be some competition. I hear you're from Australia. You ever bang a Kangaroo? I won't tell anyone if you did bro. I banged a chick from Australia once. Probably your mom.
Shawn Cross? Are you really a Samauri? Aren't you white? Is that possible? Or like Tom Cruise in that one movie where he becomes samauri? That was a bad ass movie bro. Just don't swing your sword at me or I'll be forced to swing mine at you bro.
The guy with Kandi Washington? Will you see if Kandi wants to fuck? Where can I see her porn videos at online? Preferably for free? I'll hit it and if you've hit it already then we'd be eskimo buddies.
Chris Cable? Dude most people dont' even use cable anymore. It's all about Netflix and Hulu and shit. Get with it bro.
The Tristan Slater? Bro. I gotta ask. How come you always say your middle name? Usually people just go by they're first names so for you normally it would be The Slater. That's just weird bro. I like that middle name though. Tristan. You're new here just like me though. I saw your contract signing and decided I'm with you bro. I don't sign anything either. You and me are kind of the same that way. We can't write. Can't sign anything if you can't write, right?
I don't know who else is going to join but none of them stand a chance now that I'm here! I will Dick Punch every single one of you until I win this Rumble and go on to bang those chicks, and then go become the World Heavyweight Champion.
EL CUNADO CAN'T BE STOPPED!!!!
-He runs out of the room screaming as the scene fades to black.-
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25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2qqa3TOAB1qa9yvvo1_500.jpg [/img]
-The scene opens up to to a random strip club somewhere in Vegas at 10 A.M. Inside we see a bearded man getting a lap dance in the corner of the club. As soon as it's over his phone begins to ring. The caller ID says "Brolo. A huge smile comes to his face as he answers the phone.-
El Cunado: Brolo!
Brolo: I told you to stop calling me that!
El Cunado: You're crazy man. You wanna party?
Brolo: What the fuck is that noise? Are you at a strip club at 10 in the morning?
El Cunado: Yeah bro. These bitches are fine.
Brolo: Why are you at a strip club right now?
El Cunado: I don't have anything else to do. What are you doing? You wanna party?
Brolo: Just deciding that I'm not going to be in the Army of One Rumble.
El Cunado: What's that?
Brolo: It's a battle royal.
El Cunado: Really? I wanna do that. Can I do that?
Brolo: Well technically anyone can enter...
El Cunado: I'm in!
Brolo: I dont' think that's a good idea.
El Cunado: You can't stop me. I'm convinced. AND I'm going to win.
Brolo: Whatever man. Good luck.
El Cunado: I don't need luck. I literally am a army of one...
-El Cunado hangs up the phone.-
El Cunado: I'm going to enter that thing and I'm going to win!
-El Cunado gets up and leaves the strip club as the scene fades to black.-
Present Day:
-The scene opens up to El Cunado in a locker room at the MPW House Show that is currently taking place. He's in his wrestling attire as he walks up to the camera and begins to talk.-
El Cunado: MPW. Sup? Are you ready? Are you ready for what I'm about to drop on you guys at Army of One! I'm going to win this Rumble and then I'm pretty sure they're going to let me bang one of the chicks. Hopefully it's Bliss or Roxi. Maybe both!
So let's get to it then. I guess we should probably start with the girls in this thing. Bliss and Roxi. Look, I know this is a competition where the winner gets to bang one or both of you but that doesn't mean you can compete. If you guys want to bang each other we are all completely cool with that. I'll be there to document it if needed. I really hope the two of you are only in this thing to bring us men, the real competitors, some drinks and maybe some of those mini sandwiches. I like my crusts cut off ladies. Don't make me Chris Brown a bitch.
So who else do we have in this thing? Ian Andrews? Bro I will slap the shit out of you.
Chicken? Yes please.
Taufik? What did you just say?
TJ Pain? Didn't we Eiffel Tower a bitch one time? Just like I will be in this rumble I remember being on top of that one too.
Drake Hunter? I hear you might actually be some competition. I hear you're from Australia. You ever bang a Kangaroo? I won't tell anyone if you did bro. I banged a chick from Australia once. Probably your mom.
Shawn Cross? Are you really a Samauri? Aren't you white? Is that possible? Or like Tom Cruise in that one movie where he becomes samauri? That was a bad ass movie bro. Just don't swing your sword at me or I'll be forced to swing mine at you bro.
The guy with Kandi Washington? Will you see if Kandi wants to fuck? Where can I see her porn videos at online? Preferably for free? I'll hit it and if you've hit it already then we'd be eskimo buddies.
Chris Cable? Dude most people dont' even use cable anymore. It's all about Netflix and Hulu and shit. Get with it bro.
The Tristan Slater? Bro. I gotta ask. How come you always say your middle name? Usually people just go by they're first names so for you normally it would be The Slater. That's just weird bro. I like that middle name though. Tristan. You're new here just like me though. I saw your contract signing and decided I'm with you bro. I don't sign anything either. You and me are kind of the same that way. We can't write. Can't sign anything if you can't write, right?
I don't know who else is going to join but none of them stand a chance now that I'm here! I will Dick Punch every single one of you until I win this Rumble and go on to bang those chicks, and then go become the World Heavyweight Champion.
EL CUNADO CAN'T BE STOPPED!!!!
-He runs out of the room screaming as the scene fades to black.-