Post by Kurt Newman on Jul 14, 2012 19:53:20 GMT -5
~Dream~ It means play the link dummy
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQQ4ZTdhJDg
~A bright light hits my eyes and I’m suddenly awake…..with a pounding headache and the taste of…..what taste is that in my mouth?……. I’ve had it before…….what is it……..oh yeah!......it’s a cigar……I didn’t eat one of my Cuban Cigars again did I? Damn it, those things are hard to get.
~The light still dances around in my eyes, but I don’t want to open them up because I don’t want to be found naked in a corn field again with a Nun’s hat covering my head. That was a crazy night. My personal assistants voice rings through my ears and I slowly wake up from my slumber. She’s so cute that she’s actually a My Little Pony stuffed into a Smurf stuffed into a Puppy.
Ashley’s Voice: “Kurt! Kurt get up!”
~My head hurts even more as I move around. I let my eye lid open but the brightness is too much for me as Ashley opens up the blinds to the hotel room.
Kurt Newman: “I was dreaming about Gummy Bears dancing…….(reason why you should had watched the video dummy)…..it was so magical…... you think that means something.”
Ashley: “Kurt, you said you wouldn’t party too much last night.”
Kurt Newman: “I didn’t.”
Ashley: “Open your eyes then and tell me what you did last night then.”
~Ashley, my personal secretary is right….what did I do last night? Everything is fuzzy as I slowly open my ey…….oh…….that’s what I did. Looking around the room, I can only imagine what happen last night, but I can’t think of what I did yesterday. The room is trashed to high hell with woman and men tossed around the room like dirty clothes. Empty alcohol beverages are stacked on all the tables and clothes seem to be hanging from the ceiling fan……how the hell did a goat get in here?
Kurt Newman: “How did the goat get in here?”
Ashley: “I don’t know Kurt. I was hoping you’d know. I thought you said that the party was going to be short and only a handful of people. It looks like there was an alcohol driven orgy here though.”
~I slowly get up and notice I’m only in my underwear.
Kurt Newman: “What can I say; I’m pumped for my wrestling match this week….everyone was happy for me to find a new fed. So we drank……and drank…….and drank some more. I lost count of how much I drank after the 10th shot of Jack Daniels…... still wondering about that goat though.”
~Ashley burns a hole through my head as she stares at me with her “I’m serious” look.
Ashley: “Jack Daniels! Come on Kurt you know what happens when you drink Jack.”
Kurt Newman: “But it taste like candy to me, what can I say.”
~Ashley rolls her eyes as she grabs my arm and helps me to my feet.
Ashley: “We’re supposed to be leaving for Las Vegas here in a few hours. Where are your clothes at?”
~Looking around the room, I find them lying over a chair on the other side of the room. I slowly make my way over to the chair as I continue to talk to Ashley.
Kurt Newman: “Over by the chair……just relax Ashley. Nothing major happen here. It’s not like I had a three way or anythi……(I shut my mouth as I see three very attractive ladies asleep in a bed, naked, underneath a blanket across from me)…..Or four way……besides I just need some water and food to get rid of this killer hang over.”
~Grabbing my clothes from the chair I begin to put my suit on.
Kurt Newman: “You said Las Vegas right?”
~Ashley rolls her eyes as she looks at her phone and messes with it.
Ashley: “Yeah.”
Kurt Newman: “The one in Nevada?”
Ashley: “Is there another one?”
Kurt Newman: “I hate going to Nevada though. Sure, they have awesome casinos and hookers that will do about anything for you, but everything about it sucks. Main example, Harry Reid. He’s such a loser, I have no idea why he’s still elected to the Senate.”
Ashley: “Well you should get over it. You’re in a match that would help you move up in the rankings in MPW.”
~A smile comes to my face as I begin to put my shirt on. It’s one of those smiles when a kid gets a piece of candy or a new toy…….those were the days where I could play with action figures. Now and days when I play with some toys, I get a funny look from other people.
Kurt Newman: “Why would anyone name themselves Fisherman. They couldn’t think of anything more creative or more scary? I hope that’s his real name……..You think his parents named him John Fisherman because they were Primus fans?”
Ashley: “No idea.”
Kurt Newman: “I mean at least Styles has the right idea for a name. Don’t know if it matches him though. Didn’t show to much of a groovy style with his last promo. Maybe I’m wrong though. Maybe he’s better in the ring.”
~Putting on my jacket I take Ashley by the hand and make our way towards the door.
Kurt Newman: “We should be leaving before the guy that owns this place wakes up.”
~Ashley smile as I open the door and push her out of the room. A smile soon comes crawling across my face also as I take Ashley by the hand and take her to the elevator as the scene ends.
***Three Hours Later***
~The scene starts again on my own private jet making its way to Indie. I take a sip of my scotch as I stare into the camera……scotch, scotch, scotch. I like scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch……..come on you guys, you were thinking the same thing, admit it!........anyways across from me is my personal secretary Ashley holding up the camera that’s directed at me. I take one last sip of my scotch before looking back at the camera and begin my promo.
Kurt Newman: “Hello MPW Universe. If you haven’t figured it out yet, my name is Kurt Newman. Yes, the Kurt Newman who wrestled Chuck Norris and won. The Kurt Newman that beat Mr. T in a rock, paper, and scissors contest and cut his hair like you see today. It was supposed to be a prank and make him look stupid but surprisingly, he pulled it off. Anyways for those of you who haven’t heard of me, I go by many names such as The Ladies Man. AKA, Mr. Awesome. AKA, The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. AKA, The Humanoid Typhoon. AKA, The Berserker Wolverine. AKA, Dynamite Kid 2.0. AKA, The Lady Killer. AKA, The Man That Puts The Awe Into Awesome. AKA, Old Blue Eyes. AKA, The Man That Just Had A Three Way With Your Sister and Mother.”
Ashley (Off camera): “When has anyone called you any of those?”
Kurt Newman: “Well it’s not recent but people called me that back when in the days.”
Ashley (Off Camera): “Whatever.”
Kurt Newman: “Whatever your face…….anyways this week I’m facing off against John Fisherman and Freddie Styles in a three way battle. I’m looking forward to this match because it gets to show off my skills against two lesser known competitors who you can perfectly see don’t have what it takes to be in the same ring with me. It’s just going to show that I can keep a match afloat, make the other guys look good, and end it off with one of the best finishers there is today with the Sweet Kiss Goodbye. I mean you want to talk about someone cool, lookie here.”
~ I pick up a dictionary from the seat next to me. I flip through the pages until I stop and shove the dictionary in front of the cameras view.
Kurt Newman: “See if you were to look up the word cool……. whose face is right next to it? Is it Fisherman’s or Styles? Hellz no! It’s mine. Look at that pirty smile. You can also find my face next to handsome and awesome. True story.”
~I pull the dictionary away from the camera and place it to the seat next to me.
Kurt Newman: “Now I don’t like talking so much before a match. I forgot how much American wrestling likes to talk. In the other countries that I’ve wrestled in, all you had to do was talk a little smack and then wrestle. That’s it. Now I have to do a little story, then talk and talk and talk and then we wrestle?……wait I have to talk again….and again…. and again………now I’m starting to sound like Johnny boy.”
~I take the glass, with scotch in it, and take a little sip. Mmmmm, goes down smooth.
Kurt Newman: “MPW came to me about a month ago with a brief case full of money and a contract in hand. They knew I was looking around for a fed and they wanted me……they wanted me bad. They wanted me to turn a new locker room that’s full of snobs, assholes and pricks and get some new, friendlier faces that the company could be proud to show off to fans. People like John and Styles; they’re not to fan friendly. Sure, they can wrestle in the ring but anyone can wrestle. You can grab a monkey and have him wrestle against an Anteater and people would be entertained. I know I would pay for that. There’s more to wrestling than two people fighting. It’s what you do outside the ring as well. Since I’ve been signed to MPW, I’ve done three charity events for the company, done 4 autograph signings to help promote the show and been on 2 radio shows to get people to show up to this week’s match. I pretty much doubled the attendance that we are going to be getting since I said I was going to be in MPW. Why? Because people like me. That’s the reason why MPW signed me, I make people come to events for the stuff I do outside of the ring and inside. ”
~I take another shot of my drink before looking back into the camera.
Kurt Newman: “Now John, I’d like to apologize to Ms. Biguns. She is a very beautiful woman and she shouldn’t be ashamed with her figure. People would kill to have her body and any man would want to be with her until the end of time. Nothing I said was supposed to demean her in anyways. I was just having some fun, that’s all. So Ms. Biguns, if you’re not too busy in the next couple of days, I would love to take you out for a fun time. As for your boy toy John, I have to say man; the guy has no sense in comedy. I mean come on. You didn’t even laugh once? Where is your soul? That’s fine though, everyone is a critic. You’re wrong though in saying that I’ve never faced anyone like yourself before. I’ve faced plenty of individuals just like you before. The same old same old individual who thinks he’s top of the mountain and yet doesn’t realize that he’s only half way up. I’ve stepped up to the big boys before and I’ve knocked them down. Try as you might to defeat me Fisherman but I’m going to slap some reality across that ugly mug of yours. I can guarantee that.”
~I lean close to the camera, to show a little one on one moment with John as I lower my voice to the camera.
Kurt Newman: “By the way John, the ladies don’t like pubic hair down below. This aint the 80’s anymore.”
~I sigh before taking another shot of the scotch.
Kurt Newman: “As for you Styles, I know you and John are going to be bringing you’re a game to the match. You know what you’re doing in that ring. You know your weaknesses and your strengths. You know how to wrestle and I bet you know how to hold your own. You’re facing one of the best though. A man that’s been wrestling since he’s been 13 years old. A man that’s wrestled around the world. A man that can outwrestle any individual in any type of match. I can brawl. I can fly. I can make you tap. I can outmuscle you. And most of all…..I can out think you. Always thinking five steps ahead in that ring. So try as you will to stop me but your best isn’t going to be enough to stop me.”
~ A smile comes across my face as I look inside the glass, hoping to find a last drop of scotch. None can be found though.
Kurt Newman: “This is going to be a good match guys……and if you can’t see that……you’re as dumb as I think you two are. Hope you’re ready for me guys, because if you aren’t…….you’re going to be blown away. This match, it’s going to be legen…….”
~The smile comes back to my face as another scotch is brought to me by one of the flight attendants.
Kurt Newman: “…..dary. Perfect timing! Promo high five.”
~I raise my hand towards the flight attendant who smiles and slaps my hand back. The scene ends as I take another shot of my scotch.
~End Scene
www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQQ4ZTdhJDg
~A bright light hits my eyes and I’m suddenly awake…..with a pounding headache and the taste of…..what taste is that in my mouth?……. I’ve had it before…….what is it……..oh yeah!......it’s a cigar……I didn’t eat one of my Cuban Cigars again did I? Damn it, those things are hard to get.
~The light still dances around in my eyes, but I don’t want to open them up because I don’t want to be found naked in a corn field again with a Nun’s hat covering my head. That was a crazy night. My personal assistants voice rings through my ears and I slowly wake up from my slumber. She’s so cute that she’s actually a My Little Pony stuffed into a Smurf stuffed into a Puppy.
Ashley’s Voice: “Kurt! Kurt get up!”
~My head hurts even more as I move around. I let my eye lid open but the brightness is too much for me as Ashley opens up the blinds to the hotel room.
Kurt Newman: “I was dreaming about Gummy Bears dancing…….(reason why you should had watched the video dummy)…..it was so magical…... you think that means something.”
Ashley: “Kurt, you said you wouldn’t party too much last night.”
Kurt Newman: “I didn’t.”
Ashley: “Open your eyes then and tell me what you did last night then.”
~Ashley, my personal secretary is right….what did I do last night? Everything is fuzzy as I slowly open my ey…….oh…….that’s what I did. Looking around the room, I can only imagine what happen last night, but I can’t think of what I did yesterday. The room is trashed to high hell with woman and men tossed around the room like dirty clothes. Empty alcohol beverages are stacked on all the tables and clothes seem to be hanging from the ceiling fan……how the hell did a goat get in here?
Kurt Newman: “How did the goat get in here?”
Ashley: “I don’t know Kurt. I was hoping you’d know. I thought you said that the party was going to be short and only a handful of people. It looks like there was an alcohol driven orgy here though.”
~I slowly get up and notice I’m only in my underwear.
Kurt Newman: “What can I say; I’m pumped for my wrestling match this week….everyone was happy for me to find a new fed. So we drank……and drank…….and drank some more. I lost count of how much I drank after the 10th shot of Jack Daniels…... still wondering about that goat though.”
~Ashley burns a hole through my head as she stares at me with her “I’m serious” look.
Ashley: “Jack Daniels! Come on Kurt you know what happens when you drink Jack.”
Kurt Newman: “But it taste like candy to me, what can I say.”
~Ashley rolls her eyes as she grabs my arm and helps me to my feet.
Ashley: “We’re supposed to be leaving for Las Vegas here in a few hours. Where are your clothes at?”
~Looking around the room, I find them lying over a chair on the other side of the room. I slowly make my way over to the chair as I continue to talk to Ashley.
Kurt Newman: “Over by the chair……just relax Ashley. Nothing major happen here. It’s not like I had a three way or anythi……(I shut my mouth as I see three very attractive ladies asleep in a bed, naked, underneath a blanket across from me)…..Or four way……besides I just need some water and food to get rid of this killer hang over.”
~Grabbing my clothes from the chair I begin to put my suit on.
Kurt Newman: “You said Las Vegas right?”
~Ashley rolls her eyes as she looks at her phone and messes with it.
Ashley: “Yeah.”
Kurt Newman: “The one in Nevada?”
Ashley: “Is there another one?”
Kurt Newman: “I hate going to Nevada though. Sure, they have awesome casinos and hookers that will do about anything for you, but everything about it sucks. Main example, Harry Reid. He’s such a loser, I have no idea why he’s still elected to the Senate.”
Ashley: “Well you should get over it. You’re in a match that would help you move up in the rankings in MPW.”
~A smile comes to my face as I begin to put my shirt on. It’s one of those smiles when a kid gets a piece of candy or a new toy…….those were the days where I could play with action figures. Now and days when I play with some toys, I get a funny look from other people.
Kurt Newman: “Why would anyone name themselves Fisherman. They couldn’t think of anything more creative or more scary? I hope that’s his real name……..You think his parents named him John Fisherman because they were Primus fans?”
Ashley: “No idea.”
Kurt Newman: “I mean at least Styles has the right idea for a name. Don’t know if it matches him though. Didn’t show to much of a groovy style with his last promo. Maybe I’m wrong though. Maybe he’s better in the ring.”
~Putting on my jacket I take Ashley by the hand and make our way towards the door.
Kurt Newman: “We should be leaving before the guy that owns this place wakes up.”
~Ashley smile as I open the door and push her out of the room. A smile soon comes crawling across my face also as I take Ashley by the hand and take her to the elevator as the scene ends.
***Three Hours Later***
~The scene starts again on my own private jet making its way to Indie. I take a sip of my scotch as I stare into the camera……scotch, scotch, scotch. I like scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch……..come on you guys, you were thinking the same thing, admit it!........anyways across from me is my personal secretary Ashley holding up the camera that’s directed at me. I take one last sip of my scotch before looking back at the camera and begin my promo.
Kurt Newman: “Hello MPW Universe. If you haven’t figured it out yet, my name is Kurt Newman. Yes, the Kurt Newman who wrestled Chuck Norris and won. The Kurt Newman that beat Mr. T in a rock, paper, and scissors contest and cut his hair like you see today. It was supposed to be a prank and make him look stupid but surprisingly, he pulled it off. Anyways for those of you who haven’t heard of me, I go by many names such as The Ladies Man. AKA, Mr. Awesome. AKA, The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. AKA, The Humanoid Typhoon. AKA, The Berserker Wolverine. AKA, Dynamite Kid 2.0. AKA, The Lady Killer. AKA, The Man That Puts The Awe Into Awesome. AKA, Old Blue Eyes. AKA, The Man That Just Had A Three Way With Your Sister and Mother.”
Ashley (Off camera): “When has anyone called you any of those?”
Kurt Newman: “Well it’s not recent but people called me that back when in the days.”
Ashley (Off Camera): “Whatever.”
Kurt Newman: “Whatever your face…….anyways this week I’m facing off against John Fisherman and Freddie Styles in a three way battle. I’m looking forward to this match because it gets to show off my skills against two lesser known competitors who you can perfectly see don’t have what it takes to be in the same ring with me. It’s just going to show that I can keep a match afloat, make the other guys look good, and end it off with one of the best finishers there is today with the Sweet Kiss Goodbye. I mean you want to talk about someone cool, lookie here.”
~ I pick up a dictionary from the seat next to me. I flip through the pages until I stop and shove the dictionary in front of the cameras view.
Kurt Newman: “See if you were to look up the word cool……. whose face is right next to it? Is it Fisherman’s or Styles? Hellz no! It’s mine. Look at that pirty smile. You can also find my face next to handsome and awesome. True story.”
~I pull the dictionary away from the camera and place it to the seat next to me.
Kurt Newman: “Now I don’t like talking so much before a match. I forgot how much American wrestling likes to talk. In the other countries that I’ve wrestled in, all you had to do was talk a little smack and then wrestle. That’s it. Now I have to do a little story, then talk and talk and talk and then we wrestle?……wait I have to talk again….and again…. and again………now I’m starting to sound like Johnny boy.”
~I take the glass, with scotch in it, and take a little sip. Mmmmm, goes down smooth.
Kurt Newman: “MPW came to me about a month ago with a brief case full of money and a contract in hand. They knew I was looking around for a fed and they wanted me……they wanted me bad. They wanted me to turn a new locker room that’s full of snobs, assholes and pricks and get some new, friendlier faces that the company could be proud to show off to fans. People like John and Styles; they’re not to fan friendly. Sure, they can wrestle in the ring but anyone can wrestle. You can grab a monkey and have him wrestle against an Anteater and people would be entertained. I know I would pay for that. There’s more to wrestling than two people fighting. It’s what you do outside the ring as well. Since I’ve been signed to MPW, I’ve done three charity events for the company, done 4 autograph signings to help promote the show and been on 2 radio shows to get people to show up to this week’s match. I pretty much doubled the attendance that we are going to be getting since I said I was going to be in MPW. Why? Because people like me. That’s the reason why MPW signed me, I make people come to events for the stuff I do outside of the ring and inside. ”
~I take another shot of my drink before looking back into the camera.
Kurt Newman: “Now John, I’d like to apologize to Ms. Biguns. She is a very beautiful woman and she shouldn’t be ashamed with her figure. People would kill to have her body and any man would want to be with her until the end of time. Nothing I said was supposed to demean her in anyways. I was just having some fun, that’s all. So Ms. Biguns, if you’re not too busy in the next couple of days, I would love to take you out for a fun time. As for your boy toy John, I have to say man; the guy has no sense in comedy. I mean come on. You didn’t even laugh once? Where is your soul? That’s fine though, everyone is a critic. You’re wrong though in saying that I’ve never faced anyone like yourself before. I’ve faced plenty of individuals just like you before. The same old same old individual who thinks he’s top of the mountain and yet doesn’t realize that he’s only half way up. I’ve stepped up to the big boys before and I’ve knocked them down. Try as you might to defeat me Fisherman but I’m going to slap some reality across that ugly mug of yours. I can guarantee that.”
~I lean close to the camera, to show a little one on one moment with John as I lower my voice to the camera.
Kurt Newman: “By the way John, the ladies don’t like pubic hair down below. This aint the 80’s anymore.”
~I sigh before taking another shot of the scotch.
Kurt Newman: “As for you Styles, I know you and John are going to be bringing you’re a game to the match. You know what you’re doing in that ring. You know your weaknesses and your strengths. You know how to wrestle and I bet you know how to hold your own. You’re facing one of the best though. A man that’s been wrestling since he’s been 13 years old. A man that’s wrestled around the world. A man that can outwrestle any individual in any type of match. I can brawl. I can fly. I can make you tap. I can outmuscle you. And most of all…..I can out think you. Always thinking five steps ahead in that ring. So try as you will to stop me but your best isn’t going to be enough to stop me.”
~ A smile comes across my face as I look inside the glass, hoping to find a last drop of scotch. None can be found though.
Kurt Newman: “This is going to be a good match guys……and if you can’t see that……you’re as dumb as I think you two are. Hope you’re ready for me guys, because if you aren’t…….you’re going to be blown away. This match, it’s going to be legen…….”
~The smile comes back to my face as another scotch is brought to me by one of the flight attendants.
Kurt Newman: “…..dary. Perfect timing! Promo high five.”
~I raise my hand towards the flight attendant who smiles and slaps my hand back. The scene ends as I take another shot of my scotch.
~End Scene
