Post by Matt Steele on Jan 29, 2013 6:28:52 GMT -5
Monday 27/01 2013 07:00 PM
My Name is Jimmy and I'm an alcoholic!
The good thing about being in the wrestling business and being in the program is, that I get to go to meetings all over the place it makes the 90 meetings in 90 days an experience that I wouldn't be without.
Since I got into the program I've been to many different meetings, met many different people and heard a lot of stories. Everybody in the A.A has a different version of their higher power, even those who find god within religion. I have been pondering a lot on just what god or a higher power is these days, but not gotten to anything conclusive just yet.
What is it that grants me my serenity? Is it perception, the way I conceive the world. Or is it that I have a choice in what battles I pick. Is it that I decide, when to push and when to falter, that decide if I want to try. I think it to be the peace of mind to make these choices upon rational selection.
What is it then that grants me courage? Is it the will of heart to push where others falter? To overcome my doubts and make that choice and stand by it, by the things I believe is right and dare to grasp the moment as it is, changing the outcome and do right by others.
Finally what grants me the wisdom, to make these choices, to take those decisions and to act upon them. I believe it is within the choices them self, I do not choose my battles, but I do choose how I fight them and how I end them.
This week I'm facing a so called Savior in the ring, a man claiming Divine justice and a righteous motives. I do not find them, these motives,in trying to convince others my believes are better, that is why I must take him down.
I do not believe in god, but in the right to choose your believes and the consequences that follows with that. I'm no saint or savior, I am but a man. Thank you
Jimmy sits back down, just as confused on the matter as when he stood up, but content to find the truth for himself.
Later that evening Jimmy sits on the bed of his shady motel room. After he got sober he'd made the decision not to travel with the other wrestlers, there was simply to many temptation. He slowly lets himself fall back and stares up at the ceiling.
What is this? This questioning and understanding god? Back in the day I never wondered about these things I believed in what I could see in front of me and nothing more, but now?!
He closes his eyes and lets the questions echo through his mind.
Well it really doesn't matter, what matters is the fact that in two days I stand across from Taufik in the ring. No matter what he or I believe in, we have common ground there, we stand as equals, but only one man can leave the ring victories and that is going to be me.
Once more he opens his eyes and stands, the hunger is starting to rumble inside him. Slowly he rises from the bed and heads out.
Jimmy is sitting in a diner near his motel sipping coffee after a good solid meal, his thoughts drifting, floating around the subject of his next match.
Its time for me to show MPW, that I'm worth the money they pay me. All I have showed up until Army of One was that I could hold my own in the ring against nobodies like Crunch, Styles and Cross. Now I'm put in front of a real challenge, Taufik has proved himself in the ring time and time again, holding titles and mixing it up with some of the top dogs. He is like a rabid dog, tenacious and unforgiving.
Slowly he drinks the last of his coffee pays up and leaves the diner. He starts wandering and letting his mind wander with him as he walks down the streets. As he gets to a dark street corner he stops and looks up at the sky.
He might be a better wrestler, probably even a better man then I, but in the end he wont bring me down. I am the Deadman, nothing to gain or loose anymore, I live for the fight. My life is defined by the lifespan of the battle. Taufik may batter and break my body and bones, but at one single point he will slip up and make that one mistake, that will take him to the Deadman Wonderland.
Stars stars are shining right above, as his entire being grows darker, he starts walking again sinking deeper and deeper into the dark thoughts as he heads home.
The next morning, Jimmy is at the MPW headquarters, where he has an interview with Tasha Jordan scheduled. She is running late and Jimmy is sitting in the lobby growing more and more anxious. His been waiting to get an interview done by her for ages, for once he doesn't want a B-list interview and that's why he specifically asked for her.
Leaned back in the leather chair his feet tapping away on the floor giving a thudding sound due to the heavy boots, he buries his hands in the pocket of his yellow and black "Fatal Mistake" hoodie, clinching his fists. Finally some one comes up to him.
. UM JimmyQuietly Jimmy looks up at Jay Wyatt, who stands in front of him with an evil glare.
Jimmy: Yes Jay, what do you want?
Jay: Erm Tasha....
Fatal sighs as he gets up, interrupting Wyatt, he slowly turns and walks towards the exit
Jay: Where are you going Jimmy?... I can do the interview.
Jimmy: No Jay you cant!
He stops and spins around facing the nervous interviewer.
Jimmy: Don't worry I am not about to hurt you, but you cant do the interview.... I'm so tired of being treated like a second rate mutt at the MPW dog show, I god damn proved my worth in that rumble match, proved I could hang in there alongside some of the MPW prize poodles!... But do I get recognition for that? NO! I get the same shit as always, "Fast Forward" Jay Wyatt.
He again turns to leave, but then decides to come back.
Jimmy: Everybody here underestimates Jimmy Fatal, but just you wait, cause everybody makes that one Fatal Mistake, that will end in a trip to the Deadman Wonderland. First its Taufik and the MPW!!!
A little smirk starts playing on Jimmy's face as he once more turns and this time exits leaving a confused Jay Wyatt staring after him