Feedback: Dust clears, on to Takedown

[ianandrews]

feed back Please

[Emi's Imaginary Friend]

I'm not all that good at giving advice or feedback or stuff like that, but I will say that you are improving. There are just a couple of things I feel like I should mention. I know how difficult match talk can be, but in your RP it felt like you didn't really want to win, you know? You say "If you can beat Gabe", but that tells me that Ian isn't confident that he will beat Gabe. You have to make him more confident and say "When you beat Gabe". Also take it up a notch and trash talk your opponent. Knock him down a peg! For example, Gabriel Griffin has a frat boy gimmick, so perhaps use that against him. And also, I think you should add a bit more story to your RPs. Ian Andrews is a great character, but I for one would like to explore the character's background a little more, I'd like to look at his personal life a little more. His family, his romances, his training, even his relationship with Dennis and the NGS members. A Character Development RP would be the best way to start this, and you can follow up on these stories in your future RPs. For example, MPW is now on the road, so you could write about Ian's experiences on the road traveling from state to state. It doesn't have to be too much, you can just add it to the RPs you have now. Adding a story would just make the reader a bit more interested in your character.

Again, I'm not the best person to give feedback, and I'm not sure if this made any sense or it was just me rambling, but I thought I'd just share what I think and if you want I can help you out with a possible storyline. PM me if you need any help.

And one more thing. I'm glad you enjoyed your match. It was fun writing it xXx

[Deleted]

Actually Michelle I think you hit the nail on the head here. Ian you have come leaps and bounds since ur first rp here. I can only see it getting better