Post by Kurt Newman on Jul 18, 2012 17:08:12 GMT -5
Commercial
~The scene cuts too backstage where we find Kurt Newman and a look alike of Chuck Norris arm wrestling. It’s an epic showing of strength as the two battle it out until finally Kurt gets a break and pins the look alike of Chuck Norris on the table. Kurt raises his hands in victory as the Chuck Norris look alike storms off mad. Kurt, with a smile on his face, waves goodbye to Chuck and starts the promo.
Kurt Newman: “Maybe next time Chuckie!”
~Kurt looks back into the camera.
Kurt Newman: “Oh! Well hello there MPW universe! I’m Kurt Newman aka The Ladies Man. Aka The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. Aka that hot looking guy across the room, and finally the new spokesman for Old Spice.”
~Kurt takes his shirt off to show off his killer body and tosses it on the table behind him.
Kurt Newman: “Are you tired of smelling like failure, or being a big fat loser with bitch tits that hit you in the face every time that you run? I can smell your stench of Cheetos and nerdiness from here. If you want to smell as awesome as me, then you need……”
~Kurt pauses as he takes his hands and opens up a door that’s located on his six pack. He opens the little door and pulls out a can of Old Spice Body Spray.
Kurt Newman: “Old Spice Body Spray! It’ll make you better looking, makes you run faster and gives you the energy to do anything!”
~Suddenly a man sticks his head out of the door on Kurt’s six-pack and looks up at Kurt.
Little Man: “Even able to defeat you Kurt?”
~Kurt laughs as he slams the door shut on his six pack.
Kurt Newman: “No……you won’t be able to because the sweat that pours out of my sweat glands is now the new ingredient that makes Old Spice that much awesomer.”
~Suddenly a unicorn comes walking onto the set.
Unicorn: “What would happen if you sprayed Old Spice on yourself Kurt?”
Kurt Newman: “Well magical Unicorn that just popped out of nowhere, the world would explode because my awesomeness mixed with the awesomeness of Old Spice would be too much to handle causing an awesomeness black hole that would suck all the awesomeness in the world leaving it awesomeless and eventually imploding on its unawesomeness.”
Unicorn: “Wow Mr. Newman! That was an awesome explanation!”
~The camera zooms in on Kurt’s head as he turns his head towards the camera and smiles. When he smiles, a twinkle immerges on each and every one of his teeth, nearly blinding the screen.
Kurt Newman: “Well I do have a Master’s Degree in awesomeness at the University of Awesome.”
~Kurt suddenly back flips and lands on the Unicorn.
Kurt Newman: “So if you want to be awesome like me, then Od Spice is just the thing for you. If you use Axe body spray…..then you’re a douche like Josh Godwin. I’m Kurt Newman, the new spokesman for Old Spice. Up, Up and away!”
~The unicorn suddenly levitates off the ground and fly’s away ending the scene.
Present Day
~The scene starts again as I lay in my bed with two woman on either side of me. The one on my right is white girl named Jennifer. She came from California with her friend to blow off some steam from work. Her blonde hair glows from the moonlight that’s beaming from the window as she sleeps soundly from an exhausting night of partying and a three way with me and her best friend. I lift up the sheets to look at her naked body…….very nice I might add. I look to the other side of me and notice the other female next to me. It’s a friend of Jennifer’s. Forgot her name though for some reason. She talked about the Olympics the whole time though until we started bumping uglies.
~You’d think I’d be happy about a three way…..well I am, it was awesome by the way, Jennifer’s friend did this one thing with her tongue and…….well I’ll keep it PG……..my mind wonders though to another place. Emotions just fill my head as I can’t help but miss Bliss a little. She’s the only reason why I showed up to MPW in the first place. I was hoping that we would just be together like we use to be ……that whole hitting me in the face though with that blunt object seems to haunt her. Shit happen and the past is the past. She moved on though with her life…….good for her I guess. Still…..it bugs me though.
~I slowly and softly get out of bed, as not to disturb the ladies. The darkness hides my nakedness from the camera as I slowly make my way to the window on the other side of the room. I look down at the city below and see the nightlife of Las Vegas slowly dying at the 4 o’clock hour. The people down at the streets now are the drunks, drugies, and whores, hoping to make that last buck. I’ve really never cared for this town. I don’t like gambling for some reason. It’s just another form of addiction that I don’t need in my life. I drink too much and I like sex. So gambling my money away just isn’t my drug of choice. Those casinos have some good buffets though. They taste delicious going down, but painful going out if you know what I mean.
~I look up at the sky, hoping to see some stars up there……nothing though. The lights from city make them invisible, making the sky a black hole of nothingness. My mind spaces out to my upcoming matches with Jackson Blaze this week and my match with Siren for the Roll of the Dice tournament. Both matches are big opportunities for me, and I need the wins to move my way up to the top. Last week’s triple threat match was ok……but it was a snooze fest. Fisherman is still a rookie and Styles still has some stuff to learn. I won the match without even using my finisher, I won it with one of my trade mark moves. A wins a win though. Pretty happy that I moved from opening the show from last week, to now being second to last for this week. Just got to continue what I’ve been doing since I was 13……just being me.
*Next Day
~The scene cuts back to Ashley talking to me in my office in the Newman Tower in Chicago. She walks back and forth, giving me a tongue lashing about not being more concern with my match with Jackson Blaze. I lean back in my chair and watch as she moves back and forth, blocking my Wrestling Title Belts that cover the walls to my office. Ashley’s hot though. If she was a Telethon, I’d do her in front of a bunch of sick kids. My dog Wiggles…….
*Who’s a good boy?
~Lays in the corner of the room and watches as Ashley walks back and forth, probably thinking that the pen in her hand is a toy or even a bone. He actually ate a pen once, thought it was a treat. That was fun, waiting for the pen to be pooped out. It’s the same pen Ashley has in her hand by the way. Shhhhh, don’t tell her, she doesn’t know.
Ashley: “You’re facing off against Jackson Blaze Kurt. He’s one of the top guys in MPW. He’s not called The Bastard for a reason.”
~I look over at my computer and watch a video of a dog chasing a laser pointer on Youtube. Stupid dog, you won’t be able to catch that dot. I address Ashley though as I continue to watch the video.
Kurt Newman: “I never understood why someone would want to be called a Bastard? I mean if you looked up the word bastard, you would find: a child born out of wedlock, something that is of irregular, inferior, or a slang to a person who is held to be mean or disagreeable. You think his whole nick name was originally Bastard Son?......that’s sounds worse than the Bastard name now that I think about it. Who’s proud of being a bastard though? It’s like someone calling themselves ‘The Douche Bag’ or “The Dick.’ I think I’d put ‘The Bastard’ in that same category because it has the same meaning. You think he’s got any friends? Who would want to be friends with a bastard?......maybe a dick or a douche bag I guess.”
~Ashley somehow finds out what I’m doing on the computer and makes her way over to me. She reaches behind the computer and turns off the monitor, causing the screen to go black.
Kurt Newman: “Ah come on, the dog almost had the laser pointer.”
Ashley: “Speaking of acting like a bastard, you’re starting to act like one right now.”
Kurt Newman: “See! Who would want to be friends with a bastard! Their dicks and douchebags, and no one likes dicks or douchebags because their dicks and douchebags!”
~Ashley shakes her head and gives a slight smile.
Ashley: “Kurt, we need this win against Blaze. If we can win in this match, then you’ll move up and show that you’re a contender to win the Roll of the Dice Tournament. We need to keep your head in the game Kurt. So take a week off from work and just go hit the gym and get some training for your match. Blaze is someone you shouldn’t joke around with.”
~I lean back in my chair, kick my feet up, and address Ashley with a smile on my face.
Kurt Newman: “Ashley, Blaze is just a human being, just like you and me. He’s not special and he isn’t a individual snow flake. He has his weaknesses just like anyone else, and I’m pretty sure he’s got some blood that can be spilled from his body. Blaze isn’t a god from ancient Rome…..he’s a human being that can be beaten. Sure, he’s going to talk and talk and talk for hours about how great he is and how much I suck. I’ve been wrestling now since I’ve been 13, it’s going to be the same shit he throws at me just like everyone else has ever done. (Deepens voice to sound like someone else) Oh Kurt, you’re such a clown. Oh Kurt, you got no talent. Oh Kurt, I’m going to win because you’re such a loser. Oh Kurt, you’re so hot. Oh Kurt, you shouldn’t even show up to the match because I’m going to beat you to an inch of your life. (Changes voice back to regular voice.) Let them waste their breath. Let them talk until President Obama burns this country down to the grown. I’m just going to shove everything that they say, right back down their mouth and let them choke on their own words as I pin them for the one, two, and three.”
~I pause as Wiggles runs over to me and jumps onto my lap. I give a smile as I itch Wiggles behind the ears as I continue my promo.
Kurt Newman: “I’m already one of the most popular wrestlers around here. The TV rating in my match were higher than everyone else’s, my merchandise is selling off the shelves and have outsold everyone else in the company combine with my priducts, and once I get this win against Blaze and win the Roll of the Dice Tournament, I’m the one that everyone will thank for bringing MPW to greatness. Right now Ashley, I’m the face of MPW. People are going to be ticked off that I say such a thing, since I’ve only had one match in MPW. Well when I’m getting paid like I am, I have to back such statements up. So Blaze can talk all he wants. I know I’m awesome. I know I’m one of the best. I know I can win matches and belts against the best. I know this because I’ve done it in the past in numerous companies all over the world. Blaze may disagree and he probably will. If he wants to go down that path of bad mouthing me, he can go right ahead. All I want to do is go out to the ring, shake his hand and put on an awesome match. If Blaze wins, good for him, he beat one of the best. If I win, I’ll help Blaze up to his feet, shake his hand and raise his arm up for putting on an epic and historic match. I can talk smack just as well as everyone else though and not tell lies but show true hard facts on how much my opponents suck. I’m going to wish Blaze luck though and may the best man win.”
~I pick Wiggles off my lap and place him on the floor. I slowly get up; wipe myself off to get the dog hair off my suit as I continue to address Ashley.
Kurt Newman: “I’m going to win though.”
~Ashley: “And why’s that?”
~I give a smile as I grab my suitcase from the ground.
Kurt Newman: “Because I’m just that awesome.”
~I pick my suitcase up, whistle over to Wiggles and make my way over to the door.
Kurt Newman: “And Blaze is nothing more than a bastard.”
~I throw up a peace sign to Ashley as I make my way out of the room and out of site from Ashley who just stands in the room and watches me walk away. She’s about to walk out when she smells something in the air. She sniffs, and sniffs, and sniffs some more, trying to find the source of the smell until she finds it on the ground next to her. She freaks out as she scoots away from a big pile of shit from Wiggles.
Ashley: “WIGGLES!!!!!!!!”
~End Scene.
~The scene cuts too backstage where we find Kurt Newman and a look alike of Chuck Norris arm wrestling. It’s an epic showing of strength as the two battle it out until finally Kurt gets a break and pins the look alike of Chuck Norris on the table. Kurt raises his hands in victory as the Chuck Norris look alike storms off mad. Kurt, with a smile on his face, waves goodbye to Chuck and starts the promo.
Kurt Newman: “Maybe next time Chuckie!”
~Kurt looks back into the camera.
Kurt Newman: “Oh! Well hello there MPW universe! I’m Kurt Newman aka The Ladies Man. Aka The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. Aka that hot looking guy across the room, and finally the new spokesman for Old Spice.”
~Kurt takes his shirt off to show off his killer body and tosses it on the table behind him.
Kurt Newman: “Are you tired of smelling like failure, or being a big fat loser with bitch tits that hit you in the face every time that you run? I can smell your stench of Cheetos and nerdiness from here. If you want to smell as awesome as me, then you need……”
~Kurt pauses as he takes his hands and opens up a door that’s located on his six pack. He opens the little door and pulls out a can of Old Spice Body Spray.
Kurt Newman: “Old Spice Body Spray! It’ll make you better looking, makes you run faster and gives you the energy to do anything!”
~Suddenly a man sticks his head out of the door on Kurt’s six-pack and looks up at Kurt.
Little Man: “Even able to defeat you Kurt?”
~Kurt laughs as he slams the door shut on his six pack.
Kurt Newman: “No……you won’t be able to because the sweat that pours out of my sweat glands is now the new ingredient that makes Old Spice that much awesomer.”
~Suddenly a unicorn comes walking onto the set.
Unicorn: “What would happen if you sprayed Old Spice on yourself Kurt?”
Kurt Newman: “Well magical Unicorn that just popped out of nowhere, the world would explode because my awesomeness mixed with the awesomeness of Old Spice would be too much to handle causing an awesomeness black hole that would suck all the awesomeness in the world leaving it awesomeless and eventually imploding on its unawesomeness.”
Unicorn: “Wow Mr. Newman! That was an awesome explanation!”
~The camera zooms in on Kurt’s head as he turns his head towards the camera and smiles. When he smiles, a twinkle immerges on each and every one of his teeth, nearly blinding the screen.
Kurt Newman: “Well I do have a Master’s Degree in awesomeness at the University of Awesome.”
~Kurt suddenly back flips and lands on the Unicorn.
Kurt Newman: “So if you want to be awesome like me, then Od Spice is just the thing for you. If you use Axe body spray…..then you’re a douche like Josh Godwin. I’m Kurt Newman, the new spokesman for Old Spice. Up, Up and away!”
~The unicorn suddenly levitates off the ground and fly’s away ending the scene.
Present Day
~The scene starts again as I lay in my bed with two woman on either side of me. The one on my right is white girl named Jennifer. She came from California with her friend to blow off some steam from work. Her blonde hair glows from the moonlight that’s beaming from the window as she sleeps soundly from an exhausting night of partying and a three way with me and her best friend. I lift up the sheets to look at her naked body…….very nice I might add. I look to the other side of me and notice the other female next to me. It’s a friend of Jennifer’s. Forgot her name though for some reason. She talked about the Olympics the whole time though until we started bumping uglies.
~You’d think I’d be happy about a three way…..well I am, it was awesome by the way, Jennifer’s friend did this one thing with her tongue and…….well I’ll keep it PG……..my mind wonders though to another place. Emotions just fill my head as I can’t help but miss Bliss a little. She’s the only reason why I showed up to MPW in the first place. I was hoping that we would just be together like we use to be ……that whole hitting me in the face though with that blunt object seems to haunt her. Shit happen and the past is the past. She moved on though with her life…….good for her I guess. Still…..it bugs me though.
~I slowly and softly get out of bed, as not to disturb the ladies. The darkness hides my nakedness from the camera as I slowly make my way to the window on the other side of the room. I look down at the city below and see the nightlife of Las Vegas slowly dying at the 4 o’clock hour. The people down at the streets now are the drunks, drugies, and whores, hoping to make that last buck. I’ve really never cared for this town. I don’t like gambling for some reason. It’s just another form of addiction that I don’t need in my life. I drink too much and I like sex. So gambling my money away just isn’t my drug of choice. Those casinos have some good buffets though. They taste delicious going down, but painful going out if you know what I mean.
~I look up at the sky, hoping to see some stars up there……nothing though. The lights from city make them invisible, making the sky a black hole of nothingness. My mind spaces out to my upcoming matches with Jackson Blaze this week and my match with Siren for the Roll of the Dice tournament. Both matches are big opportunities for me, and I need the wins to move my way up to the top. Last week’s triple threat match was ok……but it was a snooze fest. Fisherman is still a rookie and Styles still has some stuff to learn. I won the match without even using my finisher, I won it with one of my trade mark moves. A wins a win though. Pretty happy that I moved from opening the show from last week, to now being second to last for this week. Just got to continue what I’ve been doing since I was 13……just being me.
*Next Day
~The scene cuts back to Ashley talking to me in my office in the Newman Tower in Chicago. She walks back and forth, giving me a tongue lashing about not being more concern with my match with Jackson Blaze. I lean back in my chair and watch as she moves back and forth, blocking my Wrestling Title Belts that cover the walls to my office. Ashley’s hot though. If she was a Telethon, I’d do her in front of a bunch of sick kids. My dog Wiggles…….
*Who’s a good boy?
~Lays in the corner of the room and watches as Ashley walks back and forth, probably thinking that the pen in her hand is a toy or even a bone. He actually ate a pen once, thought it was a treat. That was fun, waiting for the pen to be pooped out. It’s the same pen Ashley has in her hand by the way. Shhhhh, don’t tell her, she doesn’t know.
Ashley: “You’re facing off against Jackson Blaze Kurt. He’s one of the top guys in MPW. He’s not called The Bastard for a reason.”
~I look over at my computer and watch a video of a dog chasing a laser pointer on Youtube. Stupid dog, you won’t be able to catch that dot. I address Ashley though as I continue to watch the video.
Kurt Newman: “I never understood why someone would want to be called a Bastard? I mean if you looked up the word bastard, you would find: a child born out of wedlock, something that is of irregular, inferior, or a slang to a person who is held to be mean or disagreeable. You think his whole nick name was originally Bastard Son?......that’s sounds worse than the Bastard name now that I think about it. Who’s proud of being a bastard though? It’s like someone calling themselves ‘The Douche Bag’ or “The Dick.’ I think I’d put ‘The Bastard’ in that same category because it has the same meaning. You think he’s got any friends? Who would want to be friends with a bastard?......maybe a dick or a douche bag I guess.”
~Ashley somehow finds out what I’m doing on the computer and makes her way over to me. She reaches behind the computer and turns off the monitor, causing the screen to go black.
Kurt Newman: “Ah come on, the dog almost had the laser pointer.”
Ashley: “Speaking of acting like a bastard, you’re starting to act like one right now.”
Kurt Newman: “See! Who would want to be friends with a bastard! Their dicks and douchebags, and no one likes dicks or douchebags because their dicks and douchebags!”
~Ashley shakes her head and gives a slight smile.
Ashley: “Kurt, we need this win against Blaze. If we can win in this match, then you’ll move up and show that you’re a contender to win the Roll of the Dice Tournament. We need to keep your head in the game Kurt. So take a week off from work and just go hit the gym and get some training for your match. Blaze is someone you shouldn’t joke around with.”
~I lean back in my chair, kick my feet up, and address Ashley with a smile on my face.
Kurt Newman: “Ashley, Blaze is just a human being, just like you and me. He’s not special and he isn’t a individual snow flake. He has his weaknesses just like anyone else, and I’m pretty sure he’s got some blood that can be spilled from his body. Blaze isn’t a god from ancient Rome…..he’s a human being that can be beaten. Sure, he’s going to talk and talk and talk for hours about how great he is and how much I suck. I’ve been wrestling now since I’ve been 13, it’s going to be the same shit he throws at me just like everyone else has ever done. (Deepens voice to sound like someone else) Oh Kurt, you’re such a clown. Oh Kurt, you got no talent. Oh Kurt, I’m going to win because you’re such a loser. Oh Kurt, you’re so hot. Oh Kurt, you shouldn’t even show up to the match because I’m going to beat you to an inch of your life. (Changes voice back to regular voice.) Let them waste their breath. Let them talk until President Obama burns this country down to the grown. I’m just going to shove everything that they say, right back down their mouth and let them choke on their own words as I pin them for the one, two, and three.”
~I pause as Wiggles runs over to me and jumps onto my lap. I give a smile as I itch Wiggles behind the ears as I continue my promo.
Kurt Newman: “I’m already one of the most popular wrestlers around here. The TV rating in my match were higher than everyone else’s, my merchandise is selling off the shelves and have outsold everyone else in the company combine with my priducts, and once I get this win against Blaze and win the Roll of the Dice Tournament, I’m the one that everyone will thank for bringing MPW to greatness. Right now Ashley, I’m the face of MPW. People are going to be ticked off that I say such a thing, since I’ve only had one match in MPW. Well when I’m getting paid like I am, I have to back such statements up. So Blaze can talk all he wants. I know I’m awesome. I know I’m one of the best. I know I can win matches and belts against the best. I know this because I’ve done it in the past in numerous companies all over the world. Blaze may disagree and he probably will. If he wants to go down that path of bad mouthing me, he can go right ahead. All I want to do is go out to the ring, shake his hand and put on an awesome match. If Blaze wins, good for him, he beat one of the best. If I win, I’ll help Blaze up to his feet, shake his hand and raise his arm up for putting on an epic and historic match. I can talk smack just as well as everyone else though and not tell lies but show true hard facts on how much my opponents suck. I’m going to wish Blaze luck though and may the best man win.”
~I pick Wiggles off my lap and place him on the floor. I slowly get up; wipe myself off to get the dog hair off my suit as I continue to address Ashley.
Kurt Newman: “I’m going to win though.”
~Ashley: “And why’s that?”
~I give a smile as I grab my suitcase from the ground.
Kurt Newman: “Because I’m just that awesome.”
~I pick my suitcase up, whistle over to Wiggles and make my way over to the door.
Kurt Newman: “And Blaze is nothing more than a bastard.”
~I throw up a peace sign to Ashley as I make my way out of the room and out of site from Ashley who just stands in the room and watches me walk away. She’s about to walk out when she smells something in the air. She sniffs, and sniffs, and sniffs some more, trying to find the source of the smell until she finds it on the ground next to her. She freaks out as she scoots away from a big pile of shit from Wiggles.
Ashley: “WIGGLES!!!!!!!!”
~End Scene.
