Post by toast on May 14, 2013 21:02:40 GMT -5
The scene opens with the camera man looking out into the streets and Tasha Jordan standing in front of the camera. Behind Tasha Jordan are several parked police cars.
Tasha Jordan:: I'm here at Police Headquarters in Ottawa, Canada. I was told that something has happened here and it concerns MPW.
A police car comes up and parks in an open spot and the cops get out. They walk to the back and open up the door and pull someone out. The camera man runs up and gets a view of who it is. The cops shut the door and start pushing a handcuffed man wearing a t-shirt that reads:TOAST towards the entrance of the police station. They walk inside and Tasha Jordan and the camera man follow in. They walk through the door where the cops start booking him.
Tasha Jordan:: You are the MPW Newcomer Toast! What's going on here?
Toast: Oh nothing, they picked me up for some lame reason, like picking up a prostitute. Apparently it's illegal.
Cop 1: You damned right it's illegal. Just who are you guys anyways? There shouldn't be a camera back here, get out of here!
Tasha Jordan:: I work for MPW, along with the man you're arresting.
Cop 1: You're not some sex crazed maniac too, are you?
Tasha Jordan:: Oh no way! Apparently not like Toast here...
Toast: Just shut up Tasha! You're gonna get me in more trouble as is. Why don't you go call Waffle for me?
Tasha Jordan:: Ummm, who?
Toast: My roommate Waffle. He's a pretty cool guy.
Tasha Jordan:: Hmm....
A cop walks up and uncuffs Toast and begins doing fingerprints.
Cop 2: Hey, I've seen you somewhere.
The second cop stares at him for a moment and finally snaps his fingers with a smile and points at Toast.
Cop 2: You're that guy from that wrestling show!
Toast: I sure am! It's about time I started getting recognized!
The cop nods over at Tasha and then points to Toast again.
Cop 2: Yeah, you're Hornswallower!
Toast's smile breaks away from his face and a look of shock overtakes it.
Toast: Ummm, no! I'm TOAST, dammit! Co-tag team champion in Toastcore Championship Wrestling! Maybe you've heard of it? You know, Toast and Waffle..The Breakfast Club?
Cop 2: Nope.. never heard of it.
Toast looks almost heartbroken as the cop now has Toast hold up a plate with his name, city identification and his booking number. The first cop in the room now looks over at the second.
Cop 1: He's a wrestler? Isn't wrestling fake?
Cop 2: Yeah, it's pretty fake.
The look on Toast's face is pure, complete and utter incredulity.
Toast: WHAT?! It is not fake, asshole! You have no idea what I can do or just how powerful I am!
This causes the first officer to laugh out loud.
Cop 1: Uhhh, yeah sure.
The second cop now strolls over past the booking area and shouts out into the police garage.
Cop 2: Any of you guys back there ever hear of MPW?
Cop 1: We'll find out soon if anyone's ever heard of you.
Toast nods his head as his booking photo is taken, and then after a few awkward seconds of silence, a moment of inspiration strikes Toast like an electric current.
Toast: You'll let me go after I sign a few autographs for your kids, right?
Cop 1: No. I don't have any family anymore. My wife and kids were murdered a couple years back when this criminal, Loco Latino, blew up my house after I arrested his father.
Toast shakes his head.
Toast: Well, that was a sucky story.
The cop's eyes become wide and bug-eyed with rage as he lunches at Toast.
Cop 1: I'll kill you!
Toast squirms away as the second cop grabs the first cop and holds him back while two more cops enter the room and get the situation to cool down. Now after several moments of stern discussion about police boundaries and the eventual paperwork that would be required should any harm come to Toast, things return to "normal".
Cop 3: Hey, I've seen this guy before on the TV! He's...hmm.. Bagel Boy or something.
The fourth cop shakes his head in a negatory fashion.
Cop 4:: Naw, it's like English Muffin Man! I see you on television every week with Toastcore Championship Wrestling. My kids REALLY hate you... but me? I like you... I like you a lot.
Toast: Uh, thanks, I think.
Toast is now led over to a small holding area where he starts washing the ink off of his fingers. As he finishes, he is now led over to an even smaller post-booking room where some paperwork will be filled out. As he is led over, the fourth cop places his hand on Toast's butt and squeezes gently. Toast jumps in surprise and quickly turns his head.
Toast: Pardon me, sir, but your hand is on my butt!
The cop now stares at Toast's backside and his hand that is placed firmly on one cheek and smiles.
Cop 4:: Well... so it is.
Toast: Can you please remove it?!
Cop 4:: Not right now... maybe later.
Toast: AHHHH!! WHY?
Cop 4:: I told you I liked you. I think you're funny and just very entertaining. I like you a lot.
Toast darts his head around from side to side, finally seeing Tasha leaning over on the corner while the camera crew continues to film every single moment of this bizarre scene.
Toast: Ahhh, help me Tasha!
Tasha Jordan:: Nah, you do what you gotta do with the police officer. I don't want to get 'involved'.
As Toast shoots Tasha a hateful glare, the third police officer now walks into this small room with a grin.
Cop 3: Okay kid, come on, lets go. We've gotta go take your photo again, the SD card didn't transfer the images properly.
Toast: Great, just keep that guy away from me!
Cop 4:: No biggie, I'll go get his clothes he's gonna have to wear in jail.
Toast, accompanied by the second and third cops, with Tasha Jordan and the camera man following, walk along a corridor and up a flight of stairs while they talk.
Toast: Jail? I've got a TV show I have to be at this week! Imma be on Takedown this Thursday. I'm fighting this no name called Nathan James, Nathan Jones, something like that... I've gotta be there!
Cop 2: Well, I'm sure Bill <note: Cop 4:>, would be happy to let you go, you just gotta do something for him.
Cop 3: Yeah, he likes a woody in his booty.
Toast: Ahhh!! Why are you telling me this stuff? Help me!
To say that Toast appears to be at his wits end, would not be an understatement.
Cop 2: You're a sex offender, and you tried picking up an undercover officer posing as a prostitute. And from the report you got, you tried offering her five dollars for the whole night?
Toast: Yeah, in American money. That's gotta be like thousands of dollars here in Canada.
Tasha Jordan:: Toast, that's like $6 here in Canada, there isn't that big an exchange rate..
Toast: Okay, can I go now? I'll make sure to offer her more money next time then.
Cop 2: Oh no, there won't be a next time.
Toast: Why not?
Cop 3: Because if Bill gets his way, you're gonna be walking around quite awkwardly for the next couple of days.
Now Toast has had it. Terror has filled his face as he stares around wild-eyed.
Toast: Ahhh!!! Let me go! I'll give you Waffle's Lambourghini!
Cop 2: Are you trying to bribe a police officer?
Toast: No... yes... no... yes.. no.. I definitely mean no. Dude, I'm just trying to pay for my bail.
Cop 3: Well you don't have the Lambourghini here, and it would take awhile for you to get the money. So no, you can't go.
The second cop leads Toast in front of the camera and gives him his booking number to hold up again, while the third cop takes a couple pictures.
Toast: I'm gonna get Waffle or Bukkake Buckswitch to beat you guys up!
The third cop now arcs an eyebrow over at Toast with a grim look.
Cop 3: Oh, is that a threat? Are you threatening a police officer?
Toast: Ummm....
Cop 2: I think he is. Lets mark him down with threatening to attack an officer AND attempting to bribe a police officer.
Toast: How about lets not?
Cop 3: No!
The two cops lead Toast out of the room and into a solitary cell where the fourth cop, Bill, shows up with Toast's County Prison clothes.
Bill: Here you go, sweet cheeks.
Toast: Ahhh! I need to get out of here.
Toast shuts the door and changes his clothes while the three cops stand outside the door and talk.
Cop 2: I love these sound proof solitary cells.. the inmates can never hear what we're talking about.
Cop 3: So, are you really gonna mess with his head, Bill?
Bill: Oh hell yeah. Troy and George are in jail and I think they'll take care of Toast, if ya get what I mean.
Cop 2: I wanted to burst out laughing when you grabbed his ass.
Cop 3: I didn't know what you were doing.
Bill: Well, he's just a damn pest. The guy should have known better than to come to Canada to try to score some prescriptions, weed and a hooker.
Cop 2: Well, maybe Mr. Toast's attitude will change once he meets his cellmates.
Bill: Hahahah!!!
Cop 3: Yeah, we told him that you like a woody in your booty. It freaked the hell out of him.
Bill: That's good, I've gotta remember that!
Unbeknownst to the police officers, Tasha Jordan now steps from her position around the corner with a smirk on her face.
Tasha Jordan:: Hey guys, so this was entirely some sort of joke?
Cop 3: Just the part with Bill being gay.
Bill: I did experience some stuff for myself in college. But that's the past and I've got a wife and kids now. And I'm a cop and it's just so much fun to scare people like that little runt. I hope he gets his clock cleaned by someone in the MPW.
Cop 2: Shhh... he's coming out.
Toast steps out of the room and tries to quickly walk past them all towards a door reading EXIT, but the cops quickly catch him before he has a chance and they handcuff him. The cops lead Toast to the prison cells.
Toast: What were you guys talking about while I was changing?
Bill: Oh nothing. Just the Takedown show this Thursday and how it's gonna be so much fun jackin...I mean watchin... you in action.
Cop 3: Toast, there are two guys in the cell named Troy and George. Don't worry about them. They might look and talk tough, but all you've gotta do is stand up to them. Plus, they're both deathly afraid of gay people. Not sure why, but if you act like you're gay, I can guarantee that they'll leave you alone.
Cop 2: Yeah, they'll back off from you and leave you alone.
Bill: You can moon them too, they're scared to get anywhere near someone like me, so really act it up, big time.
Cop 3: Yeah, just pretend you're Bill and act like him, okay Toast?
Toast looks over at Tasha with an unsure look on his face, but he asks her the question.
Toast: This the truth, Tash?
Tasha Jordan:: Uhhh, yep! 100% truth!
Toast: Well if Tasha says it's the truth, then I'll moon them for all they've got.
The second cop uncuffs Toast in front of the cell with two pretty muscular men inside sitting down. Toast gets thrown into the prison cell and looks at his two cellmates. The three cops and Tasha Jordan exit while the camera stays on. Troy and George get to their feet and look at Toast. Toast pulls down his pants and begins mooning Troy and George.
Toast: How do you like this, boys? I'm gonna make it SING!
Troy and George start rubbing their crotch areas and move up behind Toast. The pans away and the camera man exits the room with the camera in tow, when a sudden scream is heard. Several long moments pass as the camera is shaking from the brisk walking from the camera man. Now, the camera is set upright and focused directly back on Tasha Jordan who is ready to report.
Tasha Jordan:: Well, Toast is in jail and having a fantastic time! And I was just told that Waffle is on his way and should be here within a few hours. That's it for now, and stay tuned!
The camera fades out and a quick MPW logo splashes up and then fades out to black.
Approximately 24 hours have gone by since Toast's arrest and imprisonment. Tasha Jordan, and the second and third cop from before are sitting around a large table in the break room, drinking coffee and eating donuts. The door opens as Waffle and his girlfriend Butter walks into the room.
Waffle: Hey idiots, get off your fat ass and let's go get Toast out of jail.
Tasha Jordan:: I'm assuming you're Waffle? Well, Mr. Waffle, uhhh, you were supposed to have been here yesterday.
Waffle: Yeah, well...me and Butter had tickets to Mamma Mia that we had to go to, but we're here now.
Butter: Why don't you two cops get off your fat asses and go get my friend out of jail before I...
Cop 2: Before you what?
Cop 3: Are you trying to threaten a police officer?
Butter: You look here fatty. This is The Breakfast Club you BOYS are talking to. Now get up, get Toast, and buy some damn TBC merchandise!
Cop 2: Well, we'd like to, but we're on break. Maybe in half an hour.
Cop 3: Besides, Toast is busy if ya know what I mean, hehehe.
Waffle: No, we don't know what you mean. This is a jail, and there's...
Butter: Whoa... hold on... do you cops mean what I think you mean?
Cop 2: Yep.
Butter looks over at Waffle and then smiles and cheers wildly.
Butter: Alright! Way to go Toast!
The cops and Tasha looks quite shocked at the surprising outburst of glee.
Cop 3: Wait, that's a good thing?
Butter: You damned right. It means he finally lost his virginity.
Cop 2: (spittake & coughing out his coffee) His what???
Waffle: Yeah, Toast was a virgin. He spends most of his time playing with his salami and Miracle Whip if ya get what I mean. It's great that you guys allowed him to visit the female wing of the jail.
The two cops burst out laughing while the third cop gets to his feet. He walks over to an intercom and asks for the release of Toast. The cop walks back to the table and sits down again.
Cop 3: He'll be down in about 10 minutes while he gets changed and released on bail.
Cop 2: How much was his bail anyways?
Waffle: I paid up five grand...
Butter: Well.. you mean The Chairman did.
Waffle: Yeah. He'd have a hissy fit if Toast didn't show up after the money he's spent on him.
Cop 3: Hey, I've gotta watch MPW more. I love The Chairman, he's an alright guy in my book!
Cop 2: Yeah, I used to watch him, back in the early ninties. But that was when wrestling was a sport, not entertainment like it is today. You know he used to wrestle right? He was awesome when he used those bionic elbows.
Cop 3 whispers to Cop 2: Uhhh..that was Dusty Rhodes.
Cop 2: Ohh
Waffle: You know, I'm sick of everyone calling professional wrestling 'entertainment'. If it was so damn entertaining, then how come I get my ass kicked and give an ass kicking day after day, huh? I don't see Sly Stallone or Mel Gibson whining about each day that they entertain. David Letterman doesn't get busted open when he does the Top 10. Jennifer Anniston didn't break her leg when she hopped over the couch on the Friends intro.
The second cop looks at Waffle with a confused stare.
Cop 2: Break her leg when jumping onto the couch?
Waffle: Yeah, I've seen it happen before. They screw up the jump over the back and spin out, eventually breaking their leg or neck or something. I've done it where I tried flipping over and I landed on the top back part of the couch with my back, haven't been able to flip onto a couch since.
Butter: So, tell me, you coffee drinking, donut eating, cellulite oozing pile of lard, who did Toast lose his virginity with?
Cop 3: Heh..you know, I can't say for sure, but I know there was a whole lot of screaming going on.
Waffle: Alright. This calls for a celebration. We're gonna have to get Strawberry and Cherry on the phone and go out on the town tonight!
Butter: Definitely. Cell phone is in your car right?
Waffle: Yeah. Doors are unlocked.
Butter leaves the room and heads out towards the car to grab the phone. As Butter walks out, Bill enters the room.
Bill: He'll be down in about a minute.
Waffle: Okay.
Cop 2: Bill, did you know that Toast lost his virginity last night?
Bill: (laughing) AHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You're kidding right?
Waffle: If these guys are telling the truth, then he sure did. But I'd like to meet the lady he did it with.
Bill: Really?
Waffle: Yeah.
Bill: Why is that?
Waffle: Because, nobody seems to like him. I mean, even some strippers in New York chose this really morbidly-obese guy in a wheelchair over Toast.
Bill: This wasn't a gay strip club was it?
Waffle: No, why?
Bill: Nothing, just wondering.
Waffle: Anyways, the divas of MPW turn him down, and I've seen him offer girls in the back of arenas if they'd like a taste of his own Toast, and they always turn him down. I don't know why though. And no one knew of this until he went mental and everyone learned of it on TV. Prior to his mental breakdown, he was the single most respected person on television.
The door suddenly opens and Toast staggers into the room with a frightened look on his face. Toast looks at Bill and Bill looks at Toast, licking his lips. Toast scurries away and walks over to Waffle and stands behind him.
Toast: Come on dude, lets go. I wanna get out of here.
Waffle: Don't you want to stay? I mean, these guys told me about your little experience last night.
Toast: Uhhh, nothing happened. Come on, lets go. I want to get out of here and get to Texas.
Waffle: What's the rush?
Toast: I want to get out of here, I've gotta get a doctor to look at my ass.
Waffle: Ummm, okay, whatever.
Waffle and Toast leave the room and exit the building. They walk along the sidewalk towards Waffle's green Lambourghini Contach.
Waffle: Hey, we're going out tonight. Cherry's gonna be here in due time and we're gonna celebrate your welcoming into manhood.
Toast: No, not like this. Not after last night. Last night NEVER happened. You get it? And I lost my virginity years ago by the ways.
Waffle: HAH! Yeah, sure you did. And why don't you want to talk about last night? What happened? How was she? Was she a total dog?
Toast: No. Now lets just go. And if I hear about this any more, I'm gonna scream.
Waffle and Toast reach the car and Butter steps out.
Butter: CONGRATULATIONS! It's about time man. And Cherry says "Way to go!" by the way.
Toast: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Waffle and Butter stare over at Toast and shake their heads.
Butter: Umm, okay. Anyway, Strawberry says she's gonna get something lined up for you after Takedown in your hotel room as part of a present. That's gotta be good eh?
Waffle: Alright! It's time to party! Come on guys. Lets get going.
Toast: We're going to a doctor first. I've gotta get my butt checked out. And I believe I swallowed something that I really shouldn't have.
Waffle: Okay. Fine, we'll go to a doc, and then we go party, Breakfast Club style!
Toast, Butter, and Waffle get into the car and shut the doors. The car screeches out of the parking spot and drives down the road as the screen fades out. A BREAKFAST CLUB logo comes up, but then flashes out as the bizarre scene fades out to black.
Tasha Jordan:: I'm here at Police Headquarters in Ottawa, Canada. I was told that something has happened here and it concerns MPW.
A police car comes up and parks in an open spot and the cops get out. They walk to the back and open up the door and pull someone out. The camera man runs up and gets a view of who it is. The cops shut the door and start pushing a handcuffed man wearing a t-shirt that reads:TOAST towards the entrance of the police station. They walk inside and Tasha Jordan and the camera man follow in. They walk through the door where the cops start booking him.
Tasha Jordan:: You are the MPW Newcomer Toast! What's going on here?
Toast: Oh nothing, they picked me up for some lame reason, like picking up a prostitute. Apparently it's illegal.
Cop 1: You damned right it's illegal. Just who are you guys anyways? There shouldn't be a camera back here, get out of here!
Tasha Jordan:: I work for MPW, along with the man you're arresting.
Cop 1: You're not some sex crazed maniac too, are you?
Tasha Jordan:: Oh no way! Apparently not like Toast here...
Toast: Just shut up Tasha! You're gonna get me in more trouble as is. Why don't you go call Waffle for me?
Tasha Jordan:: Ummm, who?
Toast: My roommate Waffle. He's a pretty cool guy.
Tasha Jordan:: Hmm....
A cop walks up and uncuffs Toast and begins doing fingerprints.
Cop 2: Hey, I've seen you somewhere.
The second cop stares at him for a moment and finally snaps his fingers with a smile and points at Toast.
Cop 2: You're that guy from that wrestling show!
Toast: I sure am! It's about time I started getting recognized!
The cop nods over at Tasha and then points to Toast again.
Cop 2: Yeah, you're Hornswallower!
Toast's smile breaks away from his face and a look of shock overtakes it.
Toast: Ummm, no! I'm TOAST, dammit! Co-tag team champion in Toastcore Championship Wrestling! Maybe you've heard of it? You know, Toast and Waffle..The Breakfast Club?
Cop 2: Nope.. never heard of it.
Toast looks almost heartbroken as the cop now has Toast hold up a plate with his name, city identification and his booking number. The first cop in the room now looks over at the second.
Cop 1: He's a wrestler? Isn't wrestling fake?
Cop 2: Yeah, it's pretty fake.
The look on Toast's face is pure, complete and utter incredulity.
Toast: WHAT?! It is not fake, asshole! You have no idea what I can do or just how powerful I am!
This causes the first officer to laugh out loud.
Cop 1: Uhhh, yeah sure.
The second cop now strolls over past the booking area and shouts out into the police garage.
Cop 2: Any of you guys back there ever hear of MPW?
Cop 1: We'll find out soon if anyone's ever heard of you.
Toast nods his head as his booking photo is taken, and then after a few awkward seconds of silence, a moment of inspiration strikes Toast like an electric current.
Toast: You'll let me go after I sign a few autographs for your kids, right?
Cop 1: No. I don't have any family anymore. My wife and kids were murdered a couple years back when this criminal, Loco Latino, blew up my house after I arrested his father.
Toast shakes his head.
Toast: Well, that was a sucky story.
The cop's eyes become wide and bug-eyed with rage as he lunches at Toast.
Cop 1: I'll kill you!
Toast squirms away as the second cop grabs the first cop and holds him back while two more cops enter the room and get the situation to cool down. Now after several moments of stern discussion about police boundaries and the eventual paperwork that would be required should any harm come to Toast, things return to "normal".
Cop 3: Hey, I've seen this guy before on the TV! He's...hmm.. Bagel Boy or something.
The fourth cop shakes his head in a negatory fashion.
Cop 4:: Naw, it's like English Muffin Man! I see you on television every week with Toastcore Championship Wrestling. My kids REALLY hate you... but me? I like you... I like you a lot.
Toast: Uh, thanks, I think.
Toast is now led over to a small holding area where he starts washing the ink off of his fingers. As he finishes, he is now led over to an even smaller post-booking room where some paperwork will be filled out. As he is led over, the fourth cop places his hand on Toast's butt and squeezes gently. Toast jumps in surprise and quickly turns his head.
Toast: Pardon me, sir, but your hand is on my butt!
The cop now stares at Toast's backside and his hand that is placed firmly on one cheek and smiles.
Cop 4:: Well... so it is.
Toast: Can you please remove it?!
Cop 4:: Not right now... maybe later.
Toast: AHHHH!! WHY?
Cop 4:: I told you I liked you. I think you're funny and just very entertaining. I like you a lot.
Toast darts his head around from side to side, finally seeing Tasha leaning over on the corner while the camera crew continues to film every single moment of this bizarre scene.
Toast: Ahhh, help me Tasha!
Tasha Jordan:: Nah, you do what you gotta do with the police officer. I don't want to get 'involved'.
As Toast shoots Tasha a hateful glare, the third police officer now walks into this small room with a grin.
Cop 3: Okay kid, come on, lets go. We've gotta go take your photo again, the SD card didn't transfer the images properly.
Toast: Great, just keep that guy away from me!
Cop 4:: No biggie, I'll go get his clothes he's gonna have to wear in jail.
Toast, accompanied by the second and third cops, with Tasha Jordan and the camera man following, walk along a corridor and up a flight of stairs while they talk.
Toast: Jail? I've got a TV show I have to be at this week! Imma be on Takedown this Thursday. I'm fighting this no name called Nathan James, Nathan Jones, something like that... I've gotta be there!
Cop 2: Well, I'm sure Bill <note: Cop 4:>, would be happy to let you go, you just gotta do something for him.
Cop 3: Yeah, he likes a woody in his booty.
Toast: Ahhh!! Why are you telling me this stuff? Help me!
To say that Toast appears to be at his wits end, would not be an understatement.
Cop 2: You're a sex offender, and you tried picking up an undercover officer posing as a prostitute. And from the report you got, you tried offering her five dollars for the whole night?
Toast: Yeah, in American money. That's gotta be like thousands of dollars here in Canada.
Tasha Jordan:: Toast, that's like $6 here in Canada, there isn't that big an exchange rate..
Toast: Okay, can I go now? I'll make sure to offer her more money next time then.
Cop 2: Oh no, there won't be a next time.
Toast: Why not?
Cop 3: Because if Bill gets his way, you're gonna be walking around quite awkwardly for the next couple of days.
Now Toast has had it. Terror has filled his face as he stares around wild-eyed.
Toast: Ahhh!!! Let me go! I'll give you Waffle's Lambourghini!
Cop 2: Are you trying to bribe a police officer?
Toast: No... yes... no... yes.. no.. I definitely mean no. Dude, I'm just trying to pay for my bail.
Cop 3: Well you don't have the Lambourghini here, and it would take awhile for you to get the money. So no, you can't go.
The second cop leads Toast in front of the camera and gives him his booking number to hold up again, while the third cop takes a couple pictures.
Toast: I'm gonna get Waffle or Bukkake Buckswitch to beat you guys up!
The third cop now arcs an eyebrow over at Toast with a grim look.
Cop 3: Oh, is that a threat? Are you threatening a police officer?
Toast: Ummm....
Cop 2: I think he is. Lets mark him down with threatening to attack an officer AND attempting to bribe a police officer.
Toast: How about lets not?
Cop 3: No!
The two cops lead Toast out of the room and into a solitary cell where the fourth cop, Bill, shows up with Toast's County Prison clothes.
Bill: Here you go, sweet cheeks.
Toast: Ahhh! I need to get out of here.
Toast shuts the door and changes his clothes while the three cops stand outside the door and talk.
Cop 2: I love these sound proof solitary cells.. the inmates can never hear what we're talking about.
Cop 3: So, are you really gonna mess with his head, Bill?
Bill: Oh hell yeah. Troy and George are in jail and I think they'll take care of Toast, if ya get what I mean.
Cop 2: I wanted to burst out laughing when you grabbed his ass.
Cop 3: I didn't know what you were doing.
Bill: Well, he's just a damn pest. The guy should have known better than to come to Canada to try to score some prescriptions, weed and a hooker.
Cop 2: Well, maybe Mr. Toast's attitude will change once he meets his cellmates.
Bill: Hahahah!!!
Cop 3: Yeah, we told him that you like a woody in your booty. It freaked the hell out of him.
Bill: That's good, I've gotta remember that!
Unbeknownst to the police officers, Tasha Jordan now steps from her position around the corner with a smirk on her face.
Tasha Jordan:: Hey guys, so this was entirely some sort of joke?
Cop 3: Just the part with Bill being gay.
Bill: I did experience some stuff for myself in college. But that's the past and I've got a wife and kids now. And I'm a cop and it's just so much fun to scare people like that little runt. I hope he gets his clock cleaned by someone in the MPW.
Cop 2: Shhh... he's coming out.
Toast steps out of the room and tries to quickly walk past them all towards a door reading EXIT, but the cops quickly catch him before he has a chance and they handcuff him. The cops lead Toast to the prison cells.
Toast: What were you guys talking about while I was changing?
Bill: Oh nothing. Just the Takedown show this Thursday and how it's gonna be so much fun jackin...I mean watchin... you in action.
Cop 3: Toast, there are two guys in the cell named Troy and George. Don't worry about them. They might look and talk tough, but all you've gotta do is stand up to them. Plus, they're both deathly afraid of gay people. Not sure why, but if you act like you're gay, I can guarantee that they'll leave you alone.
Cop 2: Yeah, they'll back off from you and leave you alone.
Bill: You can moon them too, they're scared to get anywhere near someone like me, so really act it up, big time.
Cop 3: Yeah, just pretend you're Bill and act like him, okay Toast?
Toast looks over at Tasha with an unsure look on his face, but he asks her the question.
Toast: This the truth, Tash?
Tasha Jordan:: Uhhh, yep! 100% truth!
Toast: Well if Tasha says it's the truth, then I'll moon them for all they've got.
The second cop uncuffs Toast in front of the cell with two pretty muscular men inside sitting down. Toast gets thrown into the prison cell and looks at his two cellmates. The three cops and Tasha Jordan exit while the camera stays on. Troy and George get to their feet and look at Toast. Toast pulls down his pants and begins mooning Troy and George.
Toast: How do you like this, boys? I'm gonna make it SING!
Troy and George start rubbing their crotch areas and move up behind Toast. The pans away and the camera man exits the room with the camera in tow, when a sudden scream is heard. Several long moments pass as the camera is shaking from the brisk walking from the camera man. Now, the camera is set upright and focused directly back on Tasha Jordan who is ready to report.
Tasha Jordan:: Well, Toast is in jail and having a fantastic time! And I was just told that Waffle is on his way and should be here within a few hours. That's it for now, and stay tuned!
The camera fades out and a quick MPW logo splashes up and then fades out to black.
ONE DAY LATER
Approximately 24 hours have gone by since Toast's arrest and imprisonment. Tasha Jordan, and the second and third cop from before are sitting around a large table in the break room, drinking coffee and eating donuts. The door opens as Waffle and his girlfriend Butter walks into the room.
Waffle: Hey idiots, get off your fat ass and let's go get Toast out of jail.
Tasha Jordan:: I'm assuming you're Waffle? Well, Mr. Waffle, uhhh, you were supposed to have been here yesterday.
Waffle: Yeah, well...me and Butter had tickets to Mamma Mia that we had to go to, but we're here now.
Butter: Why don't you two cops get off your fat asses and go get my friend out of jail before I...
Cop 2: Before you what?
Cop 3: Are you trying to threaten a police officer?
Butter: You look here fatty. This is The Breakfast Club you BOYS are talking to. Now get up, get Toast, and buy some damn TBC merchandise!
Cop 2: Well, we'd like to, but we're on break. Maybe in half an hour.
Cop 3: Besides, Toast is busy if ya know what I mean, hehehe.
Waffle: No, we don't know what you mean. This is a jail, and there's...
Butter: Whoa... hold on... do you cops mean what I think you mean?
Cop 2: Yep.
Butter looks over at Waffle and then smiles and cheers wildly.
Butter: Alright! Way to go Toast!
The cops and Tasha looks quite shocked at the surprising outburst of glee.
Cop 3: Wait, that's a good thing?
Butter: You damned right. It means he finally lost his virginity.
Cop 2: (spittake & coughing out his coffee) His what???
Waffle: Yeah, Toast was a virgin. He spends most of his time playing with his salami and Miracle Whip if ya get what I mean. It's great that you guys allowed him to visit the female wing of the jail.
The two cops burst out laughing while the third cop gets to his feet. He walks over to an intercom and asks for the release of Toast. The cop walks back to the table and sits down again.
Cop 3: He'll be down in about 10 minutes while he gets changed and released on bail.
Cop 2: How much was his bail anyways?
Waffle: I paid up five grand...
Butter: Well.. you mean The Chairman did.
Waffle: Yeah. He'd have a hissy fit if Toast didn't show up after the money he's spent on him.
Cop 3: Hey, I've gotta watch MPW more. I love The Chairman, he's an alright guy in my book!
Cop 2: Yeah, I used to watch him, back in the early ninties. But that was when wrestling was a sport, not entertainment like it is today. You know he used to wrestle right? He was awesome when he used those bionic elbows.
Cop 3 whispers to Cop 2: Uhhh..that was Dusty Rhodes.
Cop 2: Ohh
Waffle: You know, I'm sick of everyone calling professional wrestling 'entertainment'. If it was so damn entertaining, then how come I get my ass kicked and give an ass kicking day after day, huh? I don't see Sly Stallone or Mel Gibson whining about each day that they entertain. David Letterman doesn't get busted open when he does the Top 10. Jennifer Anniston didn't break her leg when she hopped over the couch on the Friends intro.
The second cop looks at Waffle with a confused stare.
Cop 2: Break her leg when jumping onto the couch?
Waffle: Yeah, I've seen it happen before. They screw up the jump over the back and spin out, eventually breaking their leg or neck or something. I've done it where I tried flipping over and I landed on the top back part of the couch with my back, haven't been able to flip onto a couch since.
Butter: So, tell me, you coffee drinking, donut eating, cellulite oozing pile of lard, who did Toast lose his virginity with?
Cop 3: Heh..you know, I can't say for sure, but I know there was a whole lot of screaming going on.
Waffle: Alright. This calls for a celebration. We're gonna have to get Strawberry and Cherry on the phone and go out on the town tonight!
Butter: Definitely. Cell phone is in your car right?
Waffle: Yeah. Doors are unlocked.
Butter leaves the room and heads out towards the car to grab the phone. As Butter walks out, Bill enters the room.
Bill: He'll be down in about a minute.
Waffle: Okay.
Cop 2: Bill, did you know that Toast lost his virginity last night?
Bill: (laughing) AHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You're kidding right?
Waffle: If these guys are telling the truth, then he sure did. But I'd like to meet the lady he did it with.
Bill: Really?
Waffle: Yeah.
Bill: Why is that?
Waffle: Because, nobody seems to like him. I mean, even some strippers in New York chose this really morbidly-obese guy in a wheelchair over Toast.
Bill: This wasn't a gay strip club was it?
Waffle: No, why?
Bill: Nothing, just wondering.
Waffle: Anyways, the divas of MPW turn him down, and I've seen him offer girls in the back of arenas if they'd like a taste of his own Toast, and they always turn him down. I don't know why though. And no one knew of this until he went mental and everyone learned of it on TV. Prior to his mental breakdown, he was the single most respected person on television.
The door suddenly opens and Toast staggers into the room with a frightened look on his face. Toast looks at Bill and Bill looks at Toast, licking his lips. Toast scurries away and walks over to Waffle and stands behind him.
Toast: Come on dude, lets go. I wanna get out of here.
Waffle: Don't you want to stay? I mean, these guys told me about your little experience last night.
Toast: Uhhh, nothing happened. Come on, lets go. I want to get out of here and get to Texas.
Waffle: What's the rush?
Toast: I want to get out of here, I've gotta get a doctor to look at my ass.
Waffle: Ummm, okay, whatever.
Waffle and Toast leave the room and exit the building. They walk along the sidewalk towards Waffle's green Lambourghini Contach.
Waffle: Hey, we're going out tonight. Cherry's gonna be here in due time and we're gonna celebrate your welcoming into manhood.
Toast: No, not like this. Not after last night. Last night NEVER happened. You get it? And I lost my virginity years ago by the ways.
Waffle: HAH! Yeah, sure you did. And why don't you want to talk about last night? What happened? How was she? Was she a total dog?
Toast: No. Now lets just go. And if I hear about this any more, I'm gonna scream.
Waffle and Toast reach the car and Butter steps out.
Butter: CONGRATULATIONS! It's about time man. And Cherry says "Way to go!" by the way.
Toast: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Waffle and Butter stare over at Toast and shake their heads.
Butter: Umm, okay. Anyway, Strawberry says she's gonna get something lined up for you after Takedown in your hotel room as part of a present. That's gotta be good eh?
Waffle: Alright! It's time to party! Come on guys. Lets get going.
Toast: We're going to a doctor first. I've gotta get my butt checked out. And I believe I swallowed something that I really shouldn't have.
Waffle: Okay. Fine, we'll go to a doc, and then we go party, Breakfast Club style!
Toast, Butter, and Waffle get into the car and shut the doors. The car screeches out of the parking spot and drives down the road as the screen fades out. A BREAKFAST CLUB logo comes up, but then flashes out as the bizarre scene fades out to black.