Post by toast on May 20, 2013 18:55:15 GMT -5
[The scene opens up to a large farm just outside the Oklahoma City limits where a very thin, gangly man stands outside a large red barn with a white X on the doors, holding a three-pronged pitchfork. He is wearing brown stained overalls and a tan long-sleeved shirt with brown stained boots. He smiles as he sees intrepid ring announcer, and hopeful MPW interviewer, Tasha Jordan walk up, offering his hand to the MPW veteran ring announcer and interviewer.]
[Tasha shakes his hand and visibly flinches when she notices that through the large smile that the farmer is showing, that he only has four teeth in his mouth. Tasha then motions for the camera and it zooms in close to show four rotting teeth in the farmer's mouth. The camera zooms back and then Tasha speaks.]
Tasha Jordan: Tasha Jordan here for MPW on the road. I'm standing out here in the middle of this field to talk to the people who claim to be the parents of the unorthodox superstar known merely as "Toast".
Farmer Jeb: Well diddle my clittle and call me Mary, I shore am glad to see yeh!
[The Farmer turns slightly and yells: "HEY MA, COME ON OUT HERE AND SEE WHO WE GOT BY THE BARN!"]
Tasha Jordan: Uh, thank you Mr Toasten. I was...
[Farmer Jeb interrupts Tasha]
Farmer Jeb: Shucks Tasha, no one 'round these parts calls me Mr. Toasten, shoot, just call me Farmer Jeb, that's what everyone else does.
Tasha Jordan: Okay..uh, Farmer Jeb, what was it that made your son sign a contract with MPW?
Farmer Jeb: Well shoot girl, it wasn't no big thing. I seen on the television how them boys in MPW been rasslin, and I knew he could do it too.Why, I was just tellin' Ma how he did that stuff all the time.
[Tasha is seen holding a small white cloth over her nose. She then removes the cloth and speaks]
Tasha Jordan: I apologize for not continuing, Jeb, but if you don't mind me asking Jeb, what is that horrible smell?
[Farmer Jeb lifts his armpit and smells. He shrugs his shoulders and then wipes his hands on his brown stained overalls.]
Farmer Jeb: I don't quite know. I reckon it might be from the manure I was shoveling earlier in the stables. I've still got a little on my overalls, but that's no big deal.
[Tasha visibly blanches and dry heaves. She then composes herself when suddenly a very large, obese woman walks up wearing a pink dress and a white apron covered in flour. She smiles at Tasha and she notices that this large woman also has only a few teeth. Tasha gives her a weak smile and then offers her hand]
Tasha Jordan: It's good to meet you ma'am. I'm Tasha Jordan, head of talent interaction at MPW.
[The woman just glares at Tasha with a scornful look]
Farmer Jeb: That's Ma for ya, she'll come 'round eventually.
[Ma shoots Jeb a dirty look and speaks with a deep booming voice as she points at Tasha]
Ma: I don't want none of ye comin round here no more! You look like that travelling salesman who tried to put his evil charms on my daughter!
[Tasha takes a step backwards and hastily speaks]
Tasha Jordan: I can assure you ma'am, I am not, nor was I ever a travelling salesman.I have worked for MPW for the past year and before that I was talent coordinator over at another place. Plus, I'm a female.
[Ma glares at Tasha and then yells towards the house: "DAISY MAY, GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE RIGHT NOW GIRL!"]
[Out from behind the barn walks out a beautiful woman with blond hair and blue eyes. She is wearing blue jeans and a half-shirt. Tasha visibly brightens up and smiles widely as she walks up and shakes her hand.]
Daisy May: Hi, I'm Daisy May, its good to meet you.
Tasha Jordan: Uh..umm...uh..I'm Tasha from..uh..
[Farmer Jeb suddenly grabs Tasha by the shirt]
Farmer Jeb: You don't be getting all friendly like with my daughter you hear me? The last person who got all friendly with her is right over there.
[Jeb points to a gravestone just outside the barbwire fence. Tasha gulps loudly]
Tasha Jordan: Sir, I would never, ever do...
Farmer Jeb: Shut yer mouth, Yankee! I knew that this would happen. All you city folk come out here and want to take my lovely daughter, but you ain't gettin' none of that! And neither will any of them reject city boys there in MPW. I seen how they treat they women, and it's disgraceful. That's why my boy Toast came into the MPW, because I'm tired of seeing city boys do whatever they want to the womens. Like that Taufik girl, she's just sad, bein' so short and all. Plus, I hear she's supposed to be a boy, but she sure does have a high voice if she's a boy. Some boy oughtta take her out for a dinner. And them tag team boys, they know good and well that they ain't no honorable heroes. And don't even get me started on Shaun Cross. That boy is as fruity as a Farmer's Market in April!
Tasha Jordan: So you're saying that Toast's plan on entering the MPW was to make it more respectable?
Farmer Jeb: Hell no boy. He joined up because my daughter wants the free trips to the big city. I hear they gots some kind of X-Core Title there and Toast wanted t'get it. Y'see, them boys up there can talk all they want about being 'hardcore', but they haven't seen hardcore until they've had to clean a pig pen. Hell, my boy Toast one time proved how hardcore and extreme he is.. he milked a cow with rabies.
[Tasha jumps with a start and stares around wildly at the cows across the barbwire fence]
Tasha Jordan: You mean those cows are rabid?
Farmer Jeb: Naw not rabid, but they got that mad cow disease. Why do you think Cyrus Moore left MPW? Because after eating all those Sloppy Joe's that my boy Toast gave him, he got the squirts something fierce. And I'll tell ya, Toast'll make sure them boys respect him, or he'll force feed them some o' our special hamburgers!
Tasha Jordan: Isn't that a little dangerous?
Farmer Jeb: Naw! Toast used to eat them all the time, and he's turned out just fine.
[Tasha turns and stares straight into the camera.. deadpan style.]
Tasha Jordan: Right... so, with Toast facing Shaun Cross this week in an X-Core Match, are you hoping he brings home an MPW Title soon?
Farmer Jeb: Hell yeah, son. My boy's gonna bring home that fancy lookin' X-Core Title one of these days. We're gonna hang it right next to the sheepbangin' ribbon he won at the fair a few years ago.
[Tasha arcs up an eyebrow.]
Tasha Jordan: You mean sheepherding, right?!
Farmer Jeb: Oh, right, sure!
[Tasha begins to back away slowly as he speaks]
Tasha Jordan: Well Farmer Jeb, it was good talking to you, but I just remembered that I have some other interviews to do...
[Suddenly Ma runs up and grabs Tasha's arm]
Ma: So you city folk think you're too good for us country folk?
Tasha Jordan: Uh, no ma'am. I just..
Ma: Good! Then you can stay for supper! Daisy May, go get the table set. Ms. City here can help Pa kill a few chickens for dinner.
[Tasha turns a pale white color and then promptly vomits on the ground. Ma, Farmer Jeb and Daisy May all laugh]
Farmer Jeb: Come on City, I'll make a farmer out of you yet! After we eat, we'll have us a good ol' fashioned hoe down! YEE HAW!
[Tasha gives a last pleading look at the camera. Suddenly Ma turns to the camera and speaks.]
Ma: Hey Mr. Cameraman, you wanna stay too?
[Suddenly the camera swivels around and you see the cameraman's feet running down the dirt road as the camera fades to black]
[Tasha shakes his hand and visibly flinches when she notices that through the large smile that the farmer is showing, that he only has four teeth in his mouth. Tasha then motions for the camera and it zooms in close to show four rotting teeth in the farmer's mouth. The camera zooms back and then Tasha speaks.]
Tasha Jordan: Tasha Jordan here for MPW on the road. I'm standing out here in the middle of this field to talk to the people who claim to be the parents of the unorthodox superstar known merely as "Toast".
Farmer Jeb: Well diddle my clittle and call me Mary, I shore am glad to see yeh!
[The Farmer turns slightly and yells: "HEY MA, COME ON OUT HERE AND SEE WHO WE GOT BY THE BARN!"]
Tasha Jordan: Uh, thank you Mr Toasten. I was...
[Farmer Jeb interrupts Tasha]
Farmer Jeb: Shucks Tasha, no one 'round these parts calls me Mr. Toasten, shoot, just call me Farmer Jeb, that's what everyone else does.
Tasha Jordan: Okay..uh, Farmer Jeb, what was it that made your son sign a contract with MPW?
Farmer Jeb: Well shoot girl, it wasn't no big thing. I seen on the television how them boys in MPW been rasslin, and I knew he could do it too.Why, I was just tellin' Ma how he did that stuff all the time.
[Tasha is seen holding a small white cloth over her nose. She then removes the cloth and speaks]
Tasha Jordan: I apologize for not continuing, Jeb, but if you don't mind me asking Jeb, what is that horrible smell?
[Farmer Jeb lifts his armpit and smells. He shrugs his shoulders and then wipes his hands on his brown stained overalls.]
Farmer Jeb: I don't quite know. I reckon it might be from the manure I was shoveling earlier in the stables. I've still got a little on my overalls, but that's no big deal.
[Tasha visibly blanches and dry heaves. She then composes herself when suddenly a very large, obese woman walks up wearing a pink dress and a white apron covered in flour. She smiles at Tasha and she notices that this large woman also has only a few teeth. Tasha gives her a weak smile and then offers her hand]
Tasha Jordan: It's good to meet you ma'am. I'm Tasha Jordan, head of talent interaction at MPW.
[The woman just glares at Tasha with a scornful look]
Farmer Jeb: That's Ma for ya, she'll come 'round eventually.
[Ma shoots Jeb a dirty look and speaks with a deep booming voice as she points at Tasha]
Ma: I don't want none of ye comin round here no more! You look like that travelling salesman who tried to put his evil charms on my daughter!
[Tasha takes a step backwards and hastily speaks]
Tasha Jordan: I can assure you ma'am, I am not, nor was I ever a travelling salesman.I have worked for MPW for the past year and before that I was talent coordinator over at another place. Plus, I'm a female.
[Ma glares at Tasha and then yells towards the house: "DAISY MAY, GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE RIGHT NOW GIRL!"]
[Out from behind the barn walks out a beautiful woman with blond hair and blue eyes. She is wearing blue jeans and a half-shirt. Tasha visibly brightens up and smiles widely as she walks up and shakes her hand.]
Daisy May: Hi, I'm Daisy May, its good to meet you.
Tasha Jordan: Uh..umm...uh..I'm Tasha from..uh..
[Farmer Jeb suddenly grabs Tasha by the shirt]
Farmer Jeb: You don't be getting all friendly like with my daughter you hear me? The last person who got all friendly with her is right over there.
[Jeb points to a gravestone just outside the barbwire fence. Tasha gulps loudly]
Tasha Jordan: Sir, I would never, ever do...
Farmer Jeb: Shut yer mouth, Yankee! I knew that this would happen. All you city folk come out here and want to take my lovely daughter, but you ain't gettin' none of that! And neither will any of them reject city boys there in MPW. I seen how they treat they women, and it's disgraceful. That's why my boy Toast came into the MPW, because I'm tired of seeing city boys do whatever they want to the womens. Like that Taufik girl, she's just sad, bein' so short and all. Plus, I hear she's supposed to be a boy, but she sure does have a high voice if she's a boy. Some boy oughtta take her out for a dinner. And them tag team boys, they know good and well that they ain't no honorable heroes. And don't even get me started on Shaun Cross. That boy is as fruity as a Farmer's Market in April!
Tasha Jordan: So you're saying that Toast's plan on entering the MPW was to make it more respectable?
Farmer Jeb: Hell no boy. He joined up because my daughter wants the free trips to the big city. I hear they gots some kind of X-Core Title there and Toast wanted t'get it. Y'see, them boys up there can talk all they want about being 'hardcore', but they haven't seen hardcore until they've had to clean a pig pen. Hell, my boy Toast one time proved how hardcore and extreme he is.. he milked a cow with rabies.
[Tasha jumps with a start and stares around wildly at the cows across the barbwire fence]
Tasha Jordan: You mean those cows are rabid?
Farmer Jeb: Naw not rabid, but they got that mad cow disease. Why do you think Cyrus Moore left MPW? Because after eating all those Sloppy Joe's that my boy Toast gave him, he got the squirts something fierce. And I'll tell ya, Toast'll make sure them boys respect him, or he'll force feed them some o' our special hamburgers!
Tasha Jordan: Isn't that a little dangerous?
Farmer Jeb: Naw! Toast used to eat them all the time, and he's turned out just fine.
[Tasha turns and stares straight into the camera.. deadpan style.]
Tasha Jordan: Right... so, with Toast facing Shaun Cross this week in an X-Core Match, are you hoping he brings home an MPW Title soon?
Farmer Jeb: Hell yeah, son. My boy's gonna bring home that fancy lookin' X-Core Title one of these days. We're gonna hang it right next to the sheepbangin' ribbon he won at the fair a few years ago.
[Tasha arcs up an eyebrow.]
Tasha Jordan: You mean sheepherding, right?!
Farmer Jeb: Oh, right, sure!
[Tasha begins to back away slowly as he speaks]
Tasha Jordan: Well Farmer Jeb, it was good talking to you, but I just remembered that I have some other interviews to do...
[Suddenly Ma runs up and grabs Tasha's arm]
Ma: So you city folk think you're too good for us country folk?
Tasha Jordan: Uh, no ma'am. I just..
Ma: Good! Then you can stay for supper! Daisy May, go get the table set. Ms. City here can help Pa kill a few chickens for dinner.
[Tasha turns a pale white color and then promptly vomits on the ground. Ma, Farmer Jeb and Daisy May all laugh]
Farmer Jeb: Come on City, I'll make a farmer out of you yet! After we eat, we'll have us a good ol' fashioned hoe down! YEE HAW!
[Tasha gives a last pleading look at the camera. Suddenly Ma turns to the camera and speaks.]
Ma: Hey Mr. Cameraman, you wanna stay too?
[Suddenly the camera swivels around and you see the cameraman's feet running down the dirt road as the camera fades to black]