Post by Kurt Newman on Jul 21, 2012 23:14:43 GMT -5
~The scene begins as I’m in my private locker room doing some…..well let’s say spring cleaning on my front yard. Don’t like my “yard” being to bushy, so I trim it up and make it look presentable for all you women out there. So with an electric shaver in hand, I sing a little tune as I trim away.
Kurt Newman: “Everybody was Kong foo fighting, dadadadada da da da da da da! Those kids were fast as lighting! Ahyeah! And in fact it was a just a little bit frightening…….cause Kurt Newman was freakin outstanding.”
~Unbeknownst to me, that hottie Tasha Jordan slowly opens the door and makes her way in with the camera crew. Tasha is so hot; you can make pancakes off her face. I don’t notice her coming in though because of my awesome singing voice vibrating through my ears. I look down at my…….let’s say beer bottle, none of that light shit either……..and see how my work was. I slowly turn around and notice Tasha and the camera crew. Seeing them and them seeing me, we totally freak out and start screaming. I quickly grab a towel from a chair and am about to start wrapping it around my waist….but I stop as I notice Tasha looking down at my…..beer bottle. A smile comes to my face as I look over at Tasha.
Kurt Newman: “Question for you. Does this look like a Q to you?”
Tasha: “(Disgusted voice): “No!”
~I look down and adjust myself.
Kurt Newman: “How about now?”
Tasha: “(Tilts head): “Yeah……..(eyes open up wide in shock)………wow, that thing is huge. The rumors from Bliss are true.”
Kurt Newman: “I’ll take that as a compliment. Now….(puts towel over lower half of body)…what the hell were you sneaking up on me like that? Almost made my King Kong into a Scarface……(It’s a penis joke people)
Tasha: “We just wanted to get a few words from you Kurt, that’s all.”
Kurt Newman: “You make an appointment?”
Tasha: “Yeah, it was supposed to be now.”
~I quickly look over at a clock on the wall and notice that she’s right…….damn.
Kurt Newman: “You win this time sexy interviewer lady…….well let’s get going with this then.”
~I quickly position myself in front of the camera and prepare myself to get in the right state of mind for my promo. While doing all of this though, Tasha looks at me funny as she raises and eyebrow at me.
Tasha: “You want to get dressed first?”
Kurt Newman: “Naaaaaa, I’ll be fine. The ladies love me in a towel anyways. Makes the imagination run wild.”
~Tasha smiles and shakes her head as she stands next to me and the rest of the camera crew gets set up.
Tasha: “Hello MPW universe, I’m Sasha Long and next to me is “The Ladies Man” Kurt Newman. Kurt, this week you’re facing off against ‘The Bastard’ Jackson Blaze. You two have been going back and forth now for the past couple of days with some really harsh words to one another. You have any last words for Jackson before your match with him?”
~A smile comes across my face as the camera focuses on me.
Kurt Newman: “First off Tasha, I’d rather be in a 4 way with you, Anne Hathaway, and Natalie Portman. I mean, you’re so hot Tasha, that when dogs come into heat, they no longer call it going into heat, they call it Tasha Jordan.”
~Tasha gives me a confused look as I stop and think about what I just said.
Kurt Newman: “That didn’t come out right did it?”
Tasha: “Yeah……just go on Kurt.”
Kurt Newman: “Jackson, I saw your little ‘Wrestle Zone Forums.’ I was surprised to find out that you actually have fans. I mean your such a loser outside and inside of that ring. You wrestling skills are boarder line good……just good enough to where a person, new to wrestling, would think that your outstanding in that ring. But, to the fans that actually give a damn about wrestling, they would know that your wrestling skills match up to the days of early wrestling. No pop, no skills, no mind blowing moves. Just borderline, basic stuff that a 5 year old would know how to do. You’re so called ‘fans’ though, I wonder who they truly are, because when I see such losers giving you praise and bashing on me, I can’t help but think that they live at home with their parents, no job, no career field, smoking pot all day and eating Frito Corn chips to satisfy their munchies.”
~I notice in a mirror close to me that I have something stuck in my teeth. I slowly walk over to the mirror and look at my reflection to see what’s stuck between my teeth. What did I have today?........oh yeah, it was that damn Taco that I had for lunch. With the microphone in one hand, I use the other to try to get the chunk of food out of my teeth while still doing my promo.
Kurt Newman: “Where do you get off at calling me a moron by the way Blaze. I’m a borderline billionaire with my own company that has given jobs here in the United States to thousands of people. I give to charity ranging from cancer research, to orphans, and to charities that try to make America a better place. I’ve been doing promotions for MPW now for weeks, ranging from the internet, TV, and radio that people actually watch and read, and not some c list crap that no one watches or gives a damn about. So the question is Blaze……what the fuck have you done with your life? What have you done that makes you such a cocky son of a bitch? Who’s asses have you kissed and dicks that you’ve deep throated to get where you’re at…….because seeing your wrestling matches and your promo’s……..how you treat management and fans……I’m surprised that you’ve gone as far as you’ve gotten in wrestling without getting blacklisted by any wrestling federation or killed by anyone that you’ve ticked off in life.”
~I finally get the piece of food out and flick it in the sink. I look back into the camera and walk over to where I was standing before.
Kurt Newman: “I’ve worked my ass off to get everything that I’ve received in life. Not once have I asked for any favors and not once have I tried the easy way to getting to the top. I’ve worked the extra hours and I put my own money on the line to become the successful individual that I am today, and it’s made me a better person. My beginnings from having absolutely nothing to my name, the hardships I had to face and the moral dilemmas that have haunted me throughout my life have made me a stronger individual that has succeeded everywhere that I’ve went. No one works as hard as I do and no one puts the extra time in like I do. That’s why MPW came to me and gave me a huge contract to make this place rise above the rest. And Blaze, that’s what I plan to do because people like you……you’re just going to burn it to the ground.”
~I quickly notice Wiggles coming into the room and making his way over to Tasha. Tasha looks down and notices Wiggles coming over to her.
Kurt Newman: “Don’t worry about Wigs, he’s harmless.”
~Tasha gives a smile as she looks down at Wigs who wags his tail in seeing Tasha. She looks back at me though to pay attention to my promo. Before I can continue my promo though, Tasha screams. I look over at Tasha and notice Wiggles humping Tasha’s leg. My eyes open wide as Tasha tries to run away, but Wiggles sticks to her tightly.
Kurt Newman: “Oh shit.”
Tasha: “Get him off me Kurt!”
~I quickly run over to Wiggles and grab him by the collar.
Kurt Newman: “Bad boy…..bad, bad boy.”
~I quickly pick Wiggles up and carry him over to a door leading to my dressing room.
Kurt Newman: “Bad Wiggles. Bad, bad, Wiggles. You don’t do that to females.”
~I open the door and drop Wiggles to the ground. Before I close the door to the room, I lean over and whisper into Wiggles ear.
Kurt Newman: “I guess I owe you 10 bucks on that deal to see who would hump Tasha first.”
Wiggles: “…………………”
Kurt Newman: “Did we say 20?..........we’ll talk about it later.”
~I pat Wiggles on the head before closing the door and walking back over to Tasha with a slight smile on my face.
Kurt Newman: “I’m so sorry Tasha. He usually doesn’t do that…….well every other day at least. He sort of gets that from me I guess. Man’s best friend you know.”
Tasha: “That’s fine Mr. Newman…….let’s just get this over with.”
~I make my way back over to the camera and hold the microphone back up.
Kurt Newman: “Where was I……oh yeah. Blaze, I’m puzzled why management is giving you a World Title match next week. You can’t wrestle, a 3 year old could do a better promo than you, and you’ve done nothing in your wrestling career, especially here in MPW, to deserve that World Title. Seriously Blaze. Give me one good reason in that cobwebbed head of yours to why you deserve a World Title shot?”
~I raise my free hand and place it under my chin, to show that I’m actually thinking about it.
Kurt Newman: “Hmmmm, I’m trying to think of some reason but none of them are that good. Taufik, your first match here in MPW, is still a pup. Your tag team match was a snooze fest. And…….and……well that’s about it.”
~I lower my hand on my chin and bring the microphone back up.
Kurt Newman: “You have done nothing else in MPW to deserve that World Title. I’m not saying I deserve a shot at the title because I haven’t deserve it yet. That’s why I’m going to prove myself in the Roll of the Dice Tournament. That when I go through the competition and win the tournament, I can actually say that I deserve a title shot…..because unlike you Jackson, I don’t accept handouts……I like to deserve the things I get. I mean, why not be part of the Roll of the Dice tournament Blaze? To scared? You might actually have to face some talent and not some rookies that just got out of wrestling school? This is why I see you as a two bit joke Blaze, because when you think you deserve a World Title Shot, when you’ve faced absolutely zero competition here in MPW……..that’s when I have to wonder if you’re just like your fans……..your mind blazed from to many drugs. If you can beat me this week Blaze…….then……then you can talk about going after World Title shots, because then you can say that you actually beat one of the best here in MPW. It’s going to be interesting though……when I do beat you…..and you somehow win the Title……I wonder who the Number One Contender will be.”
~Slight pause.
Kurt Newman: “I’m a multi World Champion in feds that circle this world. I’ve wrestled in Japan, I’ve wrestled in Mexico, I’ve wrestled all over Europe, I’ve wrestled in Canada and South America and here in the good old US of A. I’ve wrestled against the best, I’ve trained with the best, and I’ve learn from the best. If you think that you’re going to beat me in the ring with your High School wrestling skills, you got another thing coming Blaze because I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again Blaze. I’m the face of MPW and I will bring this company to greatness, while individuals like yourself…….you’re nothing more than an annoying fly, trying to get the left overs of my success. You buzz around, annoying the hell out of me before eventually……I squish you with the Gemini Driver. Point me out as the underdog though. I don’t mind being the underdog in this match….. Underdog was an awesome super hero and an awesome cartoon show.”
~I look off the screen to look at Tasha and the camera crew who look at me with puzzled faces.
Kurt Newman: “You know? There’s no need to fear! Underdog is here!”
~Everyone still gives me that puzzled look as I put my hands to my sides.
Kurt Newman: “Seriously? You don’t know who Underdog is? He had a kick ass theme song……………….. Ted from Scrubs even sang it….….hell, there was even a crappy movie not too long ago.”
~I shake my head in disgust as I lift the microphone back up to my mouth.
Kurt Newman: “I would say good luck to you Blaze……but I know Lady Luck has been with me, and she’s been liking what I’ve been giving her.”
~I drop the mic and throw up a peace sign before making my way towards the showers…...hell let’s make this funny. So before I enter the shower, I drop my towel to the ground so the camera can see my ass. The scene ends as you watch my ass walk off the screen.
~End Scene
Kurt Newman: “Everybody was Kong foo fighting, dadadadada da da da da da da! Those kids were fast as lighting! Ahyeah! And in fact it was a just a little bit frightening…….cause Kurt Newman was freakin outstanding.”
~Unbeknownst to me, that hottie Tasha Jordan slowly opens the door and makes her way in with the camera crew. Tasha is so hot; you can make pancakes off her face. I don’t notice her coming in though because of my awesome singing voice vibrating through my ears. I look down at my…….let’s say beer bottle, none of that light shit either……..and see how my work was. I slowly turn around and notice Tasha and the camera crew. Seeing them and them seeing me, we totally freak out and start screaming. I quickly grab a towel from a chair and am about to start wrapping it around my waist….but I stop as I notice Tasha looking down at my…..beer bottle. A smile comes to my face as I look over at Tasha.
Kurt Newman: “Question for you. Does this look like a Q to you?”
Tasha: “(Disgusted voice): “No!”
~I look down and adjust myself.
Kurt Newman: “How about now?”
Tasha: “(Tilts head): “Yeah……..(eyes open up wide in shock)………wow, that thing is huge. The rumors from Bliss are true.”
Kurt Newman: “I’ll take that as a compliment. Now….(puts towel over lower half of body)…what the hell were you sneaking up on me like that? Almost made my King Kong into a Scarface……(It’s a penis joke people)
Tasha: “We just wanted to get a few words from you Kurt, that’s all.”
Kurt Newman: “You make an appointment?”
Tasha: “Yeah, it was supposed to be now.”
~I quickly look over at a clock on the wall and notice that she’s right…….damn.
Kurt Newman: “You win this time sexy interviewer lady…….well let’s get going with this then.”
~I quickly position myself in front of the camera and prepare myself to get in the right state of mind for my promo. While doing all of this though, Tasha looks at me funny as she raises and eyebrow at me.
Tasha: “You want to get dressed first?”
Kurt Newman: “Naaaaaa, I’ll be fine. The ladies love me in a towel anyways. Makes the imagination run wild.”
~Tasha smiles and shakes her head as she stands next to me and the rest of the camera crew gets set up.
Tasha: “Hello MPW universe, I’m Sasha Long and next to me is “The Ladies Man” Kurt Newman. Kurt, this week you’re facing off against ‘The Bastard’ Jackson Blaze. You two have been going back and forth now for the past couple of days with some really harsh words to one another. You have any last words for Jackson before your match with him?”
~A smile comes across my face as the camera focuses on me.
Kurt Newman: “First off Tasha, I’d rather be in a 4 way with you, Anne Hathaway, and Natalie Portman. I mean, you’re so hot Tasha, that when dogs come into heat, they no longer call it going into heat, they call it Tasha Jordan.”
~Tasha gives me a confused look as I stop and think about what I just said.
Kurt Newman: “That didn’t come out right did it?”
Tasha: “Yeah……just go on Kurt.”
Kurt Newman: “Jackson, I saw your little ‘Wrestle Zone Forums.’ I was surprised to find out that you actually have fans. I mean your such a loser outside and inside of that ring. You wrestling skills are boarder line good……just good enough to where a person, new to wrestling, would think that your outstanding in that ring. But, to the fans that actually give a damn about wrestling, they would know that your wrestling skills match up to the days of early wrestling. No pop, no skills, no mind blowing moves. Just borderline, basic stuff that a 5 year old would know how to do. You’re so called ‘fans’ though, I wonder who they truly are, because when I see such losers giving you praise and bashing on me, I can’t help but think that they live at home with their parents, no job, no career field, smoking pot all day and eating Frito Corn chips to satisfy their munchies.”
~I notice in a mirror close to me that I have something stuck in my teeth. I slowly walk over to the mirror and look at my reflection to see what’s stuck between my teeth. What did I have today?........oh yeah, it was that damn Taco that I had for lunch. With the microphone in one hand, I use the other to try to get the chunk of food out of my teeth while still doing my promo.
Kurt Newman: “Where do you get off at calling me a moron by the way Blaze. I’m a borderline billionaire with my own company that has given jobs here in the United States to thousands of people. I give to charity ranging from cancer research, to orphans, and to charities that try to make America a better place. I’ve been doing promotions for MPW now for weeks, ranging from the internet, TV, and radio that people actually watch and read, and not some c list crap that no one watches or gives a damn about. So the question is Blaze……what the fuck have you done with your life? What have you done that makes you such a cocky son of a bitch? Who’s asses have you kissed and dicks that you’ve deep throated to get where you’re at…….because seeing your wrestling matches and your promo’s……..how you treat management and fans……I’m surprised that you’ve gone as far as you’ve gotten in wrestling without getting blacklisted by any wrestling federation or killed by anyone that you’ve ticked off in life.”
~I finally get the piece of food out and flick it in the sink. I look back into the camera and walk over to where I was standing before.
Kurt Newman: “I’ve worked my ass off to get everything that I’ve received in life. Not once have I asked for any favors and not once have I tried the easy way to getting to the top. I’ve worked the extra hours and I put my own money on the line to become the successful individual that I am today, and it’s made me a better person. My beginnings from having absolutely nothing to my name, the hardships I had to face and the moral dilemmas that have haunted me throughout my life have made me a stronger individual that has succeeded everywhere that I’ve went. No one works as hard as I do and no one puts the extra time in like I do. That’s why MPW came to me and gave me a huge contract to make this place rise above the rest. And Blaze, that’s what I plan to do because people like you……you’re just going to burn it to the ground.”
~I quickly notice Wiggles coming into the room and making his way over to Tasha. Tasha looks down and notices Wiggles coming over to her.
Kurt Newman: “Don’t worry about Wigs, he’s harmless.”
~Tasha gives a smile as she looks down at Wigs who wags his tail in seeing Tasha. She looks back at me though to pay attention to my promo. Before I can continue my promo though, Tasha screams. I look over at Tasha and notice Wiggles humping Tasha’s leg. My eyes open wide as Tasha tries to run away, but Wiggles sticks to her tightly.
Kurt Newman: “Oh shit.”
Tasha: “Get him off me Kurt!”
~I quickly run over to Wiggles and grab him by the collar.
Kurt Newman: “Bad boy…..bad, bad boy.”
~I quickly pick Wiggles up and carry him over to a door leading to my dressing room.
Kurt Newman: “Bad Wiggles. Bad, bad, Wiggles. You don’t do that to females.”
~I open the door and drop Wiggles to the ground. Before I close the door to the room, I lean over and whisper into Wiggles ear.
Kurt Newman: “I guess I owe you 10 bucks on that deal to see who would hump Tasha first.”
Wiggles: “…………………”
Kurt Newman: “Did we say 20?..........we’ll talk about it later.”
~I pat Wiggles on the head before closing the door and walking back over to Tasha with a slight smile on my face.
Kurt Newman: “I’m so sorry Tasha. He usually doesn’t do that…….well every other day at least. He sort of gets that from me I guess. Man’s best friend you know.”
Tasha: “That’s fine Mr. Newman…….let’s just get this over with.”
~I make my way back over to the camera and hold the microphone back up.
Kurt Newman: “Where was I……oh yeah. Blaze, I’m puzzled why management is giving you a World Title match next week. You can’t wrestle, a 3 year old could do a better promo than you, and you’ve done nothing in your wrestling career, especially here in MPW, to deserve that World Title. Seriously Blaze. Give me one good reason in that cobwebbed head of yours to why you deserve a World Title shot?”
~I raise my free hand and place it under my chin, to show that I’m actually thinking about it.
Kurt Newman: “Hmmmm, I’m trying to think of some reason but none of them are that good. Taufik, your first match here in MPW, is still a pup. Your tag team match was a snooze fest. And…….and……well that’s about it.”
~I lower my hand on my chin and bring the microphone back up.
Kurt Newman: “You have done nothing else in MPW to deserve that World Title. I’m not saying I deserve a shot at the title because I haven’t deserve it yet. That’s why I’m going to prove myself in the Roll of the Dice Tournament. That when I go through the competition and win the tournament, I can actually say that I deserve a title shot…..because unlike you Jackson, I don’t accept handouts……I like to deserve the things I get. I mean, why not be part of the Roll of the Dice tournament Blaze? To scared? You might actually have to face some talent and not some rookies that just got out of wrestling school? This is why I see you as a two bit joke Blaze, because when you think you deserve a World Title Shot, when you’ve faced absolutely zero competition here in MPW……..that’s when I have to wonder if you’re just like your fans……..your mind blazed from to many drugs. If you can beat me this week Blaze…….then……then you can talk about going after World Title shots, because then you can say that you actually beat one of the best here in MPW. It’s going to be interesting though……when I do beat you…..and you somehow win the Title……I wonder who the Number One Contender will be.”
~Slight pause.
Kurt Newman: “I’m a multi World Champion in feds that circle this world. I’ve wrestled in Japan, I’ve wrestled in Mexico, I’ve wrestled all over Europe, I’ve wrestled in Canada and South America and here in the good old US of A. I’ve wrestled against the best, I’ve trained with the best, and I’ve learn from the best. If you think that you’re going to beat me in the ring with your High School wrestling skills, you got another thing coming Blaze because I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again Blaze. I’m the face of MPW and I will bring this company to greatness, while individuals like yourself…….you’re nothing more than an annoying fly, trying to get the left overs of my success. You buzz around, annoying the hell out of me before eventually……I squish you with the Gemini Driver. Point me out as the underdog though. I don’t mind being the underdog in this match….. Underdog was an awesome super hero and an awesome cartoon show.”
~I look off the screen to look at Tasha and the camera crew who look at me with puzzled faces.
Kurt Newman: “You know? There’s no need to fear! Underdog is here!”
~Everyone still gives me that puzzled look as I put my hands to my sides.
Kurt Newman: “Seriously? You don’t know who Underdog is? He had a kick ass theme song……………….. Ted from Scrubs even sang it….….hell, there was even a crappy movie not too long ago.”
~I shake my head in disgust as I lift the microphone back up to my mouth.
Kurt Newman: “I would say good luck to you Blaze……but I know Lady Luck has been with me, and she’s been liking what I’ve been giving her.”
~I drop the mic and throw up a peace sign before making my way towards the showers…...hell let’s make this funny. So before I enter the shower, I drop my towel to the ground so the camera can see my ass. The scene ends as you watch my ass walk off the screen.
~End Scene
