Post by Kurt Newman on Jul 26, 2012 22:34:27 GMT -5
Warning. Kurt Newman promo’s may lead you sick to your stomach, bust out laughing where milk comes out of your nose, even though you hadn’t had milk in the past week, and wondering what the hell is going on. There will be fart jokes, Canadian bashing, sexual innuendoes, midget wrestling, unicorn riding, kitten porn watching, and an awesomeness that some people will just not be able to handle. Readers discretion is advised……………….. Oh, and Bill Adams thought I should put this in for our sensitive readers. There will be a stripper doing a magic trip with an ice cream cone where it disappears…….let your imagination run wild with that one boys and girls. Enjoy.
~Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Just like that Kurt. Keep calm. Keep the negative thoughts out of your head. Doc said not to over stress your brain with too many thoughts. Doc said if you do, take the meds; they’d keep you calm and not make you think too much…….should really take those pills now, they’ll help you relax……..I hate taking pills though, I’m afraid of addiction and I got to many in my life. Trying to get rid of some of them though, the rehab is a bitch though.
~Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Nice and calm Kurt……nice…….and……..calm.
~I peacefully sit on a bench and look at the park in front of me in Chicago Illinois. Children are playing on the green grass, there’s not a cloud in the sky, and there are plenty of happy people passing me.
~I had to get away from the office. Couldn’t stand being stuck in the office and not do anything. Just being kept in a squared room and having people watch me, wondering how I’m taking the whole Bliss situation and my loss with Blaze. Don’t need those eyes judging me. So I just split out and took a walk. I walked, and walked, and walked some more until I stopped here and decided to relax. Relax, enjoy the scene, and forget about life for a while.
~Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
~I relax on the bench, tilt my head back and shut my eyes as I try to find my nirvana. My aviator glasses block the sun from my eyes as I try to get to my happy place. Mountains of chocolate, rivers filled with beer, and gummy bears roaming the open fields. Frank Sinatra, Old Blue Eyes himself, sings a tune that makes me go deeper into my trance as Scarlett Johansson, in a nice little black bathing suit, slowly walks over to me with two beer mugs in her hand. She takes the mugs, and pours the beer over herself before slowly taking me by the head, and is about to kiss me……………………when I’m rudely interrupted when Ashley’s voice breaks my concentration.
Ashley: “You know you have a company to run right?”
~I open my eyes to find Ashley standing over me with a concern look on her face.
Kurt Newman: “That’s why I have you. You could have called me about anything.”
Ashley: “You didn’t bring your phone with you.”
~I think back and try to remember if I did or not……yeah, she’s right. Left it right on my desk.
Kurt Newman: “I know smoke signals, you could of done that.”
~Ashley slowly makes her way over to the seat next to me and sit down.
Ashley: “I was worried about you. You left Wiggles all by himself. You never let Wiggles by himself.”
~An image flashes of myself and Wigs walking in a park just like this one. Wigs has a big old smile on his face as he looks around the park, taking a big old whiff of the air and wondering where to piss or take a big old dump at or who’s leg to hump.
Kurt Newman: “I needed my space. Wigs wouldn’t of helped anyways. His situation for everything is to either piss on them or bite them. Both situations would have been good…….but I need to act more my age.”
Ashley: “Well how’s your alone time going then? Had any epiphanies yet?”
~The only epiphany I could think of was to shit in a bag, set it on the doorstep of Blaze and Blisses dressing room, setting the bag on fire, and then running away and look at the carnage that would follow. To follow such a despicable act, switch out Blisses birth control pills with sugar pills…….that would be to mean though…..for the child. Jackson would be a terrible father and I’m pretty sure Bliss isn’t mommy martial since she has mommy issues…….or lack of mommy issues. I wasn’t paying attention during that time because she was bending over and I was looking down her shirt.
Kurt Newman: “Yeah…….I came to the conclusion that Smurfs were a race of animals that laid eggs. No way Smurfet would be able to give birth to that many kids. Her vag would be a war zone. I wonder what her job would be though in a village full of men? It’d have to the local whore right? What other job would there be for her? There’s already a Baker Smurf, I think there was one that did the gardens……(giggles)………..blue boobs.”
~I can’t help but giggle as Ashley just rolls her eyes.
Ashley: “Well I’m glad you got your humor back. You’ve been a sour puss for the past couple of days.”
~I giggle again as Ashley looks at me strangely.
Ashley: “What did I say that’s funny?”
Kurt Newman: “You said puss.”
Ashley: “So.”
Kurt Newman: “Short for pus……..”
~Ashley cuts me off as she finally gets it.
Ashley: “Ok, ok. I get it Kurt. Really funny.”
~A pause fills the two of us as the sound of people talking, children laughing, and birds singing fill our quietness. Ashley’s the first one to break the silence as she address me with a serious tone in her voice.
Ashley: “You want to talk about anything then Kurt?”
~Yes
Kurt Newman: “No.”
Ashley: “It’ll help.”
~Let’s talk about it please.
Kurt Newman: “No.”
Ashley: “It’s not going to help bottling everything inside like this Kurt.”
~You’re going to explode from your emotions!
Kurt Newman: “No.”
Ashley: “Well how about this. I’ll bring up some topics. If you want to talk about it, then we’ll talk about it. That sound ok for you?”
~Yes!
Kurt Newman: “Whatever.”
~Ashley pauses as she adjust herself in the seat and looks at me while I continue to look up at the sky.
Ashley: “How you feeling about your match with Blaze? You got screwed in that match last week between the two of you.”
~An image of me, bashing Blazes head in with a sledge hammer, fills my thoughts. Over, and over, and over again with me laughing and having a big old smile on my face. Stupid cunt, He’s the reason why America is slowly burning to the ground. His meth addicted, hooker mother, should of swallowed him when his Daddy paid her 10 bucks for a quickie. Why MPW is giving him so much praise and opportunity is beyond me. Guy can’t wrestle, knew he couldn’t beat me in the ring, had to cheat on multiple occasions, and probably paid the ref to have so many glass jaw moments to get the win. And also, I can’t believe Blaze had the number one quote of the week again. I had ten better quotes than he did. I think he got it only because he mention my name, and when you mention my name, people pay attention. I can’t believe he was also named the number one super star again, even though Aiden Gaine won the North American Title. I mean I know if you beat me, you should be number one in anything, but not when someone won a pretty significant title. Seriously MPW, get off Blazes dick and give people, who actually deserve some praise, some opportunity for the spot light and not some talentless hack who’s got no balls, no spine, no guts, and no heart for wrestling.”
Kurt Newman: “He beat me. Not a fan of how it ended but shit happens.”
Ashley: “What about Trey Baxter. He’s sort of the reason why you lost.”
~Stupid, stupid, stupid, booger eater. Shouldn’t of even been at ring side. He should of known Blaze was going to do something like that.
Kurt Newman: “Not happy about what he did. It happen though. The past is the past and there’s nothing that can be changed. He apologized after the match and made it up with some beers.”
Ashley: “How about Bliss? You two have been going back and forth for a while, some of the things that she said I bet hit you pretty hard.”
~First image that comes into my head is Bliss and myself fucking 5 months ago in my apartment in Chicago. Of course she’s seen a bigger dick than mine. A horse has a bigger one than me. A donkey. An elephant, and a sperm whale…….lol, I said sperm……… It’s not like she never enjoyed her time with me. She was screaming like a howler monkey nightly when she was with me. I wasn’t the one telling me to do it again, and again, and again. Maybe I should look back at the videos that we recorded, maybe put it online so other people could tell me if she didn’t enjoy her time with me or not…….nah, that’s a real dick move……mmmmm, maybe just one.
~I thought I could change her mind. I thought I could help her out in life. I thought I could change her views of things. I wished for a lot of things, but all I got was crabs from her…..ok that’s a lie about the crabs…….. my heart got in the way and I’ve never done that before in my life……I got burnt for it…..now I’m paying the price. Never again though.”
Kurt Newman: “I’m moving on with my life. If that’s the life she wants and if that’s the crowd she wants to hang out with…..so be it. She’s a kid trying to be a grown up in a world that’s just fucked up in so many ways. I can see why Titan and her older brothers watched over her all the time. They tried to protect her from people like myself and Blaze. They didn’t tell her about people like myself who are just confusing individuals, whose mind is just all over the place and always chasing after something, but at the end of the day, I’m just full of love and happiness who just wants to see people happy and wears his emotion on his shoulder. People like Blaze are just bastard covered bastards, sprinkled with bastard dust, and bastard sauce poured on top and served to a bastard who only cares about himself. I did a lot of things that I wish I could take back. I wish I could go back in time, slap some sense into myself and tell me to get the googly eyes out of my sockets. I should of listen to you Ashley long ago…….I was in love though……I got burnt and I got burnt badly…..now I’m recovering. I might get over it by the time I’m done with this sentence, or I might get over it by the time I die. Sooner or later though, I’ll get over it. At this moment right now though, she’s nothing to me anymore.. Plain and simple.”
Ashley: “You think she still cares?”
Kurt Newman: “Of course she does. I knew her better than she knew herself while we were dating. I can tell when she lies, there’s a sparkle in her eye every time that she does. I saw it every time she was on the phone with Titan, telling him that she wasn’t with me.”
~The two of us become silent again, neither one of us not knowing what to say next. A few more seconds past until Ashley breaks the silence.
Ashley: “What you want to do now then?”
~My mind swirls in a hurricane of things to do. Watching a White Socks Baseball game. Eating a cheeseburger. Going to the House of Blues to see a concert. Running around the park naked. Wiggles and myself having a tea party. Watch a marathon of Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles the animated series, the early stuff from 1987–1996, the shit after that sucked. Hit on that girl that just jogged right past me with the bouncy boobies. Watch The Dark Knight Rises back, to back, to back. Drink some beer. Drink some more. Get chocolaty wasted. Swim across the Atlantic Ocean. Bowl a 300 game. Make the roster for the Chicago Bears. Do……..
Ashley: “Kurt!”
~I snap out of my trance as Ashley jabs me in the ribs. I look over at Ashley with a slight grin on my face as I look over at Ashley.
Kurt Newman: “How about some ice cream?”
~Ashley gives a smile to my response.
Ashley: “That sounds really nice.”
Kurt Newman: “There’s this strip club about 10 minutes from here that serves Ice Cream on Thursday’s. Want to come?”
~The smile on Ashley’s face soon goes away as she rolls her eyes, stands up, and walks away.
Kurt Newman: “Come on! They do this one trick where the stripper makes the entire ice-cream disappear with her………”
~I stop myself as I notice a kid standing next to me and staring at me with his little innocent eyes. I try to think something creative to say……..I said I try to think of something creative to say!........Hey! Writer! Come on man, help me out here!
Creator and Writer of Kurt Newman; Chris Cummins: “I got nothing bro, you’re on your own.”
~Don’t you dare leave me here in this situation! You wrote me in this! Now get me out!
Creator and Writer of Kurt Newman; Chris Cummins: “……………………………………………………”
~He is so off my Christmas card list.
~I quickly look around to see if anyone is close to us. No one is luckily. So I pull out my wallet and grab out a 10 and hand it over to the kid.
Kurt Newman: “You didn’t hear anything.”
~The kid grabs the 10, holds it in front of him to inspect it and places it in his pocket. The son bitch though holds his hand back out and shows that he wants more.
Kurt Newman: “What the heck! That should be enough! You can do a lot with a 10 dollar bill these days.”
~I quickly cover my ears as the kid screams out loud.
Kid: “MOMMMMMMMYYYYYY!”
~I quickly cover the kids mouth to shut him up and whisper in his ear that he has a deal.
Kurt Newman: “Ok, ok, ok you punk. I’ll give you some more.”
~I pull my wallet out and I’m about to grab another 10 but the kid quickly grabs the money in my wallet and runs away. Stun and confused, I watch as the son of a bitch runs away with my money. I shake my head in disgrace as I wonder what the heck is wrong with today’s youth.
~Later that day.
~The scene starts again at the strip club 10 minutes away from the park. The lights are barely lit, beams of light go crazy around the room, and some stripper by the name of Cherry spins around on a pole. I lean back in a chair with a vanilla ice cream cone in hand and watch as Cherry goes around and around and around and around on the pole. I can’t help but think if her name really is Cherry? Who would name their kid Cherry in the first place? That one actress and that one singer from Coldplay named their kid Apple, so I guess someone would call their name Cherry. Ooooh, I almost forgot about my cousin Candy. Anyways, I take a lick of my ice-cream cone and watch on as I begin my promo, shouting over the music thats blaring around me.
Kurt Newman: “I swear I only come here for the ice-cream. Best in town in Chicago. I say the same thing about Hooters and their wings.”
~The camera zooms over to me now and away from Cherry as she begins to undress. Don’t want the kids at home to be seeing such……. grown up………. views………………..Damn, those are a great set right there………….Focus! Focus on the promo and not the beautiful TaTa’s that’s paying her college tuition.
Kurt Newman: “Siren, with a name like yours, I thought you would have been singing me a song by now to lure me to my watery grave. You must be busy though with other people. That’s fine, I’ll get my time with you sooner or later. Till then though, I’m looking forward to facing you Siren. Bliss sang some praise for you and I’m looking forward to see what you actually got to show. You’re facing off against Kurt Newman though! A multi champion whose wrestled around the world. I’ve faced off against the best and I’ve beaten the best. I’ve got a lot to prove here in MPW and that’s why I joined the Roll of the Dice Tournament…….to prove to everyone in the roster, to prove to management, and everyone watching at home and in the arena, that Kurt Newman is still and will continue to be that damn good. I’m going past you, I’m going past Rage, I’m going past Aidan Caine I’m going past anyone that stands in my way from winning this tournament. Siren, I wish you luck. I know this is going to be a great match because I know you want to win, but your facing off against the first ever Champion of Awesomeness. I got a title and everything to prove it. That’s why I’m going to win this match and this entire tournament Siren, because I’m that damn…………………”
~Before I can say another word, Cherry walks over to me, places her hands on her hips and looks down at me……off camera of course. Mostly because she’s still naked. No peaking! I’m talking to you Aidan Caine!
Cherry: “Let me help you with that ice cream cone.”
~She grabs my ice cream cone and……well let’s say she makes it disappear……..in her pink taco……….I tilt my head sideways in amazement as she hands my cone back, minus the ice cream. I give a slight smile as I look into the camera with the look of “Oh shit.”
Kurt Newman: “……..awesome.”
~Cherry begins to walk away but I wave her down to stop.
Kurt Newman: “You think I can get that ice cream back? I wasn’t finished.”
~Cherry grabs the cone……..magically brings the ice cream back from nothingness……and hands me back my cone with the ice cream on top on the cone and a cherry on top of the ice cream. Where the cherry came from, I have no idea. I give a smile as I look back up at Cherry.
Kurt Newman: “Thanks.”
~The scene ends as I lick away at my ice cream. Mmmmmmm, taste like cherry.
~Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Just like that Kurt. Keep calm. Keep the negative thoughts out of your head. Doc said not to over stress your brain with too many thoughts. Doc said if you do, take the meds; they’d keep you calm and not make you think too much…….should really take those pills now, they’ll help you relax……..I hate taking pills though, I’m afraid of addiction and I got to many in my life. Trying to get rid of some of them though, the rehab is a bitch though.
~Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Nice and calm Kurt……nice…….and……..calm.
~I peacefully sit on a bench and look at the park in front of me in Chicago Illinois. Children are playing on the green grass, there’s not a cloud in the sky, and there are plenty of happy people passing me.
~I had to get away from the office. Couldn’t stand being stuck in the office and not do anything. Just being kept in a squared room and having people watch me, wondering how I’m taking the whole Bliss situation and my loss with Blaze. Don’t need those eyes judging me. So I just split out and took a walk. I walked, and walked, and walked some more until I stopped here and decided to relax. Relax, enjoy the scene, and forget about life for a while.
~Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
~I relax on the bench, tilt my head back and shut my eyes as I try to find my nirvana. My aviator glasses block the sun from my eyes as I try to get to my happy place. Mountains of chocolate, rivers filled with beer, and gummy bears roaming the open fields. Frank Sinatra, Old Blue Eyes himself, sings a tune that makes me go deeper into my trance as Scarlett Johansson, in a nice little black bathing suit, slowly walks over to me with two beer mugs in her hand. She takes the mugs, and pours the beer over herself before slowly taking me by the head, and is about to kiss me……………………when I’m rudely interrupted when Ashley’s voice breaks my concentration.
Ashley: “You know you have a company to run right?”
~I open my eyes to find Ashley standing over me with a concern look on her face.
Kurt Newman: “That’s why I have you. You could have called me about anything.”
Ashley: “You didn’t bring your phone with you.”
~I think back and try to remember if I did or not……yeah, she’s right. Left it right on my desk.
Kurt Newman: “I know smoke signals, you could of done that.”
~Ashley slowly makes her way over to the seat next to me and sit down.
Ashley: “I was worried about you. You left Wiggles all by himself. You never let Wiggles by himself.”
~An image flashes of myself and Wigs walking in a park just like this one. Wigs has a big old smile on his face as he looks around the park, taking a big old whiff of the air and wondering where to piss or take a big old dump at or who’s leg to hump.
Kurt Newman: “I needed my space. Wigs wouldn’t of helped anyways. His situation for everything is to either piss on them or bite them. Both situations would have been good…….but I need to act more my age.”
Ashley: “Well how’s your alone time going then? Had any epiphanies yet?”
~The only epiphany I could think of was to shit in a bag, set it on the doorstep of Blaze and Blisses dressing room, setting the bag on fire, and then running away and look at the carnage that would follow. To follow such a despicable act, switch out Blisses birth control pills with sugar pills…….that would be to mean though…..for the child. Jackson would be a terrible father and I’m pretty sure Bliss isn’t mommy martial since she has mommy issues…….or lack of mommy issues. I wasn’t paying attention during that time because she was bending over and I was looking down her shirt.
Kurt Newman: “Yeah…….I came to the conclusion that Smurfs were a race of animals that laid eggs. No way Smurfet would be able to give birth to that many kids. Her vag would be a war zone. I wonder what her job would be though in a village full of men? It’d have to the local whore right? What other job would there be for her? There’s already a Baker Smurf, I think there was one that did the gardens……(giggles)………..blue boobs.”
~I can’t help but giggle as Ashley just rolls her eyes.
Ashley: “Well I’m glad you got your humor back. You’ve been a sour puss for the past couple of days.”
~I giggle again as Ashley looks at me strangely.
Ashley: “What did I say that’s funny?”
Kurt Newman: “You said puss.”
Ashley: “So.”
Kurt Newman: “Short for pus……..”
~Ashley cuts me off as she finally gets it.
Ashley: “Ok, ok. I get it Kurt. Really funny.”
~A pause fills the two of us as the sound of people talking, children laughing, and birds singing fill our quietness. Ashley’s the first one to break the silence as she address me with a serious tone in her voice.
Ashley: “You want to talk about anything then Kurt?”
~Yes
Kurt Newman: “No.”
Ashley: “It’ll help.”
~Let’s talk about it please.
Kurt Newman: “No.”
Ashley: “It’s not going to help bottling everything inside like this Kurt.”
~You’re going to explode from your emotions!
Kurt Newman: “No.”
Ashley: “Well how about this. I’ll bring up some topics. If you want to talk about it, then we’ll talk about it. That sound ok for you?”
~Yes!
Kurt Newman: “Whatever.”
~Ashley pauses as she adjust herself in the seat and looks at me while I continue to look up at the sky.
Ashley: “How you feeling about your match with Blaze? You got screwed in that match last week between the two of you.”
~An image of me, bashing Blazes head in with a sledge hammer, fills my thoughts. Over, and over, and over again with me laughing and having a big old smile on my face. Stupid cunt, He’s the reason why America is slowly burning to the ground. His meth addicted, hooker mother, should of swallowed him when his Daddy paid her 10 bucks for a quickie. Why MPW is giving him so much praise and opportunity is beyond me. Guy can’t wrestle, knew he couldn’t beat me in the ring, had to cheat on multiple occasions, and probably paid the ref to have so many glass jaw moments to get the win. And also, I can’t believe Blaze had the number one quote of the week again. I had ten better quotes than he did. I think he got it only because he mention my name, and when you mention my name, people pay attention. I can’t believe he was also named the number one super star again, even though Aiden Gaine won the North American Title. I mean I know if you beat me, you should be number one in anything, but not when someone won a pretty significant title. Seriously MPW, get off Blazes dick and give people, who actually deserve some praise, some opportunity for the spot light and not some talentless hack who’s got no balls, no spine, no guts, and no heart for wrestling.”
Kurt Newman: “He beat me. Not a fan of how it ended but shit happens.”
Ashley: “What about Trey Baxter. He’s sort of the reason why you lost.”
~Stupid, stupid, stupid, booger eater. Shouldn’t of even been at ring side. He should of known Blaze was going to do something like that.
Kurt Newman: “Not happy about what he did. It happen though. The past is the past and there’s nothing that can be changed. He apologized after the match and made it up with some beers.”
Ashley: “How about Bliss? You two have been going back and forth for a while, some of the things that she said I bet hit you pretty hard.”
~First image that comes into my head is Bliss and myself fucking 5 months ago in my apartment in Chicago. Of course she’s seen a bigger dick than mine. A horse has a bigger one than me. A donkey. An elephant, and a sperm whale…….lol, I said sperm……… It’s not like she never enjoyed her time with me. She was screaming like a howler monkey nightly when she was with me. I wasn’t the one telling me to do it again, and again, and again. Maybe I should look back at the videos that we recorded, maybe put it online so other people could tell me if she didn’t enjoy her time with me or not…….nah, that’s a real dick move……mmmmm, maybe just one.
~I thought I could change her mind. I thought I could help her out in life. I thought I could change her views of things. I wished for a lot of things, but all I got was crabs from her…..ok that’s a lie about the crabs…….. my heart got in the way and I’ve never done that before in my life……I got burnt for it…..now I’m paying the price. Never again though.”
Kurt Newman: “I’m moving on with my life. If that’s the life she wants and if that’s the crowd she wants to hang out with…..so be it. She’s a kid trying to be a grown up in a world that’s just fucked up in so many ways. I can see why Titan and her older brothers watched over her all the time. They tried to protect her from people like myself and Blaze. They didn’t tell her about people like myself who are just confusing individuals, whose mind is just all over the place and always chasing after something, but at the end of the day, I’m just full of love and happiness who just wants to see people happy and wears his emotion on his shoulder. People like Blaze are just bastard covered bastards, sprinkled with bastard dust, and bastard sauce poured on top and served to a bastard who only cares about himself. I did a lot of things that I wish I could take back. I wish I could go back in time, slap some sense into myself and tell me to get the googly eyes out of my sockets. I should of listen to you Ashley long ago…….I was in love though……I got burnt and I got burnt badly…..now I’m recovering. I might get over it by the time I’m done with this sentence, or I might get over it by the time I die. Sooner or later though, I’ll get over it. At this moment right now though, she’s nothing to me anymore.. Plain and simple.”
Ashley: “You think she still cares?”
Kurt Newman: “Of course she does. I knew her better than she knew herself while we were dating. I can tell when she lies, there’s a sparkle in her eye every time that she does. I saw it every time she was on the phone with Titan, telling him that she wasn’t with me.”
~The two of us become silent again, neither one of us not knowing what to say next. A few more seconds past until Ashley breaks the silence.
Ashley: “What you want to do now then?”
~My mind swirls in a hurricane of things to do. Watching a White Socks Baseball game. Eating a cheeseburger. Going to the House of Blues to see a concert. Running around the park naked. Wiggles and myself having a tea party. Watch a marathon of Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles the animated series, the early stuff from 1987–1996, the shit after that sucked. Hit on that girl that just jogged right past me with the bouncy boobies. Watch The Dark Knight Rises back, to back, to back. Drink some beer. Drink some more. Get chocolaty wasted. Swim across the Atlantic Ocean. Bowl a 300 game. Make the roster for the Chicago Bears. Do……..
Ashley: “Kurt!”
~I snap out of my trance as Ashley jabs me in the ribs. I look over at Ashley with a slight grin on my face as I look over at Ashley.
Kurt Newman: “How about some ice cream?”
~Ashley gives a smile to my response.
Ashley: “That sounds really nice.”
Kurt Newman: “There’s this strip club about 10 minutes from here that serves Ice Cream on Thursday’s. Want to come?”
~The smile on Ashley’s face soon goes away as she rolls her eyes, stands up, and walks away.
Kurt Newman: “Come on! They do this one trick where the stripper makes the entire ice-cream disappear with her………”
~I stop myself as I notice a kid standing next to me and staring at me with his little innocent eyes. I try to think something creative to say……..I said I try to think of something creative to say!........Hey! Writer! Come on man, help me out here!
Creator and Writer of Kurt Newman; Chris Cummins: “I got nothing bro, you’re on your own.”
~Don’t you dare leave me here in this situation! You wrote me in this! Now get me out!
Creator and Writer of Kurt Newman; Chris Cummins: “……………………………………………………”
~He is so off my Christmas card list.
~I quickly look around to see if anyone is close to us. No one is luckily. So I pull out my wallet and grab out a 10 and hand it over to the kid.
Kurt Newman: “You didn’t hear anything.”
~The kid grabs the 10, holds it in front of him to inspect it and places it in his pocket. The son bitch though holds his hand back out and shows that he wants more.
Kurt Newman: “What the heck! That should be enough! You can do a lot with a 10 dollar bill these days.”
~I quickly cover my ears as the kid screams out loud.
Kid: “MOMMMMMMMYYYYYY!”
~I quickly cover the kids mouth to shut him up and whisper in his ear that he has a deal.
Kurt Newman: “Ok, ok, ok you punk. I’ll give you some more.”
~I pull my wallet out and I’m about to grab another 10 but the kid quickly grabs the money in my wallet and runs away. Stun and confused, I watch as the son of a bitch runs away with my money. I shake my head in disgrace as I wonder what the heck is wrong with today’s youth.
~Later that day.
~The scene starts again at the strip club 10 minutes away from the park. The lights are barely lit, beams of light go crazy around the room, and some stripper by the name of Cherry spins around on a pole. I lean back in a chair with a vanilla ice cream cone in hand and watch as Cherry goes around and around and around and around on the pole. I can’t help but think if her name really is Cherry? Who would name their kid Cherry in the first place? That one actress and that one singer from Coldplay named their kid Apple, so I guess someone would call their name Cherry. Ooooh, I almost forgot about my cousin Candy. Anyways, I take a lick of my ice-cream cone and watch on as I begin my promo, shouting over the music thats blaring around me.
Kurt Newman: “I swear I only come here for the ice-cream. Best in town in Chicago. I say the same thing about Hooters and their wings.”
~The camera zooms over to me now and away from Cherry as she begins to undress. Don’t want the kids at home to be seeing such……. grown up………. views………………..Damn, those are a great set right there………….Focus! Focus on the promo and not the beautiful TaTa’s that’s paying her college tuition.
Kurt Newman: “Siren, with a name like yours, I thought you would have been singing me a song by now to lure me to my watery grave. You must be busy though with other people. That’s fine, I’ll get my time with you sooner or later. Till then though, I’m looking forward to facing you Siren. Bliss sang some praise for you and I’m looking forward to see what you actually got to show. You’re facing off against Kurt Newman though! A multi champion whose wrestled around the world. I’ve faced off against the best and I’ve beaten the best. I’ve got a lot to prove here in MPW and that’s why I joined the Roll of the Dice Tournament…….to prove to everyone in the roster, to prove to management, and everyone watching at home and in the arena, that Kurt Newman is still and will continue to be that damn good. I’m going past you, I’m going past Rage, I’m going past Aidan Caine I’m going past anyone that stands in my way from winning this tournament. Siren, I wish you luck. I know this is going to be a great match because I know you want to win, but your facing off against the first ever Champion of Awesomeness. I got a title and everything to prove it. That’s why I’m going to win this match and this entire tournament Siren, because I’m that damn…………………”
~Before I can say another word, Cherry walks over to me, places her hands on her hips and looks down at me……off camera of course. Mostly because she’s still naked. No peaking! I’m talking to you Aidan Caine!
Cherry: “Let me help you with that ice cream cone.”
~She grabs my ice cream cone and……well let’s say she makes it disappear……..in her pink taco……….I tilt my head sideways in amazement as she hands my cone back, minus the ice cream. I give a slight smile as I look into the camera with the look of “Oh shit.”
Kurt Newman: “……..awesome.”
~Cherry begins to walk away but I wave her down to stop.
Kurt Newman: “You think I can get that ice cream back? I wasn’t finished.”
~Cherry grabs the cone……..magically brings the ice cream back from nothingness……and hands me back my cone with the ice cream on top on the cone and a cherry on top of the ice cream. Where the cherry came from, I have no idea. I give a smile as I look back up at Cherry.
Kurt Newman: “Thanks.”
~The scene ends as I lick away at my ice cream. Mmmmmmm, taste like cherry.
