Post by Kurt Newman on Dec 29, 2013 14:25:39 GMT -5
~The scene begins after one of Kurt Newman’s legendry workouts at his gym in Chicago, Illinois. Sweat rolls down his body as he makes his way over to an ice machine and begins to fill up four plastic bags with ice. With his shirt off, he shows off his perfect six pack abs to the camera. Right now, if you listen quietly, you can hear tens of million female’s splooshing in their pants right now.
*And I’m doing the equivalent of a female splooshing right now.
~…………..Too much info bro.
*Just wanted to let everyone know.
~I really don’t think the people reading this promo want to know that.
*Sure they do, they love me and my opinions and what I do during my day. I got a whole Twitter following over at #Kurtsinnervoice*.
~You totally made that up.
*No seriously, I got like a million followers.
~That is a total lie.
*Whatever man. Hey, I wonder who else splooshed in their pants when Kurt walked out with his shirt off. We’ll take a poll. All you fat and geeky people reading this filth of an rp, write your answer on your computer screen with grape jelly. After you read through this crap of a promo, we’ll give you the answer. Remember, it must be grape jelly that you write on your computer screen with. You use anything else and it won’t count.
~…….please don’t do that devoted readers.
~With three bags of ice in hand, Kurt makes his way over to table and sits on top of it. Pain shoots his face as he maneuvers his knees on the table. As he’s moving his legs, the camera gets a good look at his knees to find scars from his most recent surgery. Grabbing the ice bags, he places one underneath both knees and then places the other set on top of his knees.
Kurt Newman: “Everyone knows who I am. Everyone knows what I can do. Everyone knows that the biggest fan of Kurt Newman is Kurt Newman. I get ticked off more than anyone else when I lose and I’m my own harshest critic when I do something stupid in and out of that ring. I’ve set standards on myself that most wrestlers can and never will do because they are impossible at times. But these standards and these goals that I lay across my path have made me the super star that I am today. It’s because of those standards why I’m a multi time champion in numerous feds from America, to Japan, to South America, to Europe and Africa. I’ve beaten the best and been in some of the most memorable matches in wrestling history. You want to know why I talk so high about myself at times? Because I’ve done it all while everyone else hasn’t done anything close to what I’ve done. That’s why ladies and gentlemen. Plan and simple. Let them go wrestle over in a gymnasium over in Africa where there is no air conditioner on a 120 degree day. Go wrestle over in Russia when it’s winter over there and the damn heater is broken in the school gym that you’re wrestling in. Try finding your way in Japan where the village that you’re at doesn’t speak a lick of English. Get stabbed in the fucking rib cage after match that you refused to take a dive in when you were in Brazil. Go through the same shit I’ve gone through in my wrestling career…..walk a mile in my shoes and try to care like I still care about this sport after so many years of events like those and so much more. I could have walked out of this industry decades ago because the pay was shitty and life on the road is even crappier when the only thing you can afford to eat is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But I didn’t. I stayed with the sport and it paid off.”
~With the bags of ice positioned just right, Kurt leans against the wall behind him and does his best to block the pain.
Kurt Newman: “I’m one of a kind ladies and gentlemen. You can’t compare me to no one else because there is only one Kurt Newman and so many imitators. Everything that I’ve done in my life, I worked my ass off on. I proved myself time and time again why I should be on top of the fucking mountain. And when people came around to knock my ass off, the only way they could was to cripple me and drag my ass off with me still fighting them. This is why I’m great. This is why I’m the best in the wrestling industry. I’ve done it all and I will continue to do so much more in my wrestling career because as long as I can wake up every morning with that want to remain the best, then I will continue to be better and not lose my touch in this industry. I set my standards high and if I don’t meet those standards, then it ain’t worth living anymore because if I’m not first…….then I ain’t worth a shit to this world.”
~Kurt adjusts himself a little as he closes his eyes and does his best to relax and calm himself after the workout.
Kurt Newman: “I wake up every day with pain in my joints. I wake up struggling to get up because of stiffness in my back. It’s painful to get up in the morning because the sound of bones grinding against bones hurts so much to my soul and to my ears because I lost to much damn cartilage in my joints because of over usage and years of surgery. I’m in my mid-thirties and I feel like I’m an old fart every time I wake up because I move like one and I make noises like one. Nothing more than a bunch of cussing and a bunch of grunts that aren’t the sexy type that you’d usually hear from me when I’m fucking a chick. I wake up every day with the reminders of my past attempts to be the man that you see today. I took chances. I took those leaps of faith to be the man that you see today, one of the best damn wrestlers in this industry today.
And I ask myself every day when I feel the pain shooting up my back after all the falls that nearly broke my spine……….I ask myself with my knees burning after all the funny landings that my knees adsorbed.……I ask with my head pounding after all the different types of concussions I’ve sustained after blunt objects connected with my skull time and time again. With all this pain and misery I’ve sustained since I was the age of 16 gentlemen…..I ask myself if it’s been worth it all. I ask myself every fucking day if all the pain…..all the suffering….all the doubt and all the unasked questions about my future….was it truly worth it.”
~Kurt takes a deep breath in as anger consumes his face. A few breaths later, Kurt is calm once again as a slight smile comes crawling across his face.
Kurt Newman: “The only thing I have to remember is that cheering of the fans. All I have to remember is those matches that people will never forget. I look back at those epic matches that I was in and my heart pumps that extra kick I need to get up to continue my day.”
~Kurt opens his eyes and reaches for a towel in a nearby duffel bag that’s lying on a small table next to the table that Kurt is laying on. Kurt takes the towel and begins to wipe the sweat off his body as he goes back to talking.
Kurt Newman: “It’d be easy to say fuck it all and walk away……..but I love the sport way too much. Ever since I was old enough to remember…..this is what I’ve always wanted to do. I’m living my dream job. My future may be where I’m sitting in a wheel chair……it may be where I’m mentally brain dead or I’m paralyzed from the neck down, not able to wipe my own ass. But it doesn’t matter what my future holds. It really doesn’t. Because I could die tomorrow from a car accident. I could die tomorrow from alcohol poisoning. I could die in the near future from cancer. I could die from anything. So I live in the moment and try my best to live my life better than the day before.…..and I bring that state of mind into the ring with me. Besides…..I’d rather die young with having the time of my life than die old where I can’t do a damn thing.”
~Kurt places the towel on his head as he looks up at the ceiling.
Kurt Newman: “I guess I should probably do some smack talking. But what’s the point really? I could go on and on and on and on about how I’m going to kick both your asses from one side of the arena to the other. I could spice it up a little and speak in a foreign language I guess. I could do it in French or in German or maybe Spanish……but then I remember I don’t know any other language other than English….well that and redneck. But I don’t want to go on and on about the different ways I could beat you guys down or what I’m going to do to you guys because to tell you the truth, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if my knees are going to give out or if my tag team partners are going to turn on me and join the resistance. Sure, I can plan for everything that might happen, but there’s always those what if’s. So I’m not going to yell until my face goes blue on how I’m going to kick your ass and shit. What I can promise you is that we’re going to win this match because like I’ve said before in the past and what I’m going to continue to say in the near future…..that I’m the best this company has. I’ve already beaten the proposed greatest wrestler in MPW history with Clash, Roxi, and Soul Shadow…… sowhat makes you think I can’t’ beat you again kids?”
~A smile comes across Kurt’s face as he looks back at the camera for a second with a cocky expression.
Kurt Newman: “And yeah…..I’m going to be holding that over your heads for a very……very…..very long time.”
~Kurt chuckles to himself as he leans up against the wall again and closes his eyes.
Kurt Newman: “But here we are at the Pay Per View in a match to see who’s dick’s……or clits for you female folk…… is bigger. Two teams with personal grudges that want to prove that their right and the other team is wrong. Whatever happens tonight though, only one team is going to walk out of that arena with their hands raised in victory and their heads held up high….knowing that they won the match. And that my friends will be us. How do I know this? Because I’m Kurt Newman, and I’m always on top.”
~Kurt closes his eyes as he adjusts himself on the table.
Kurt Newman: “I’ll see you at the Super Card.”
~With that, the scene ends as the screen goes to black.
*Ok readers! If you made it to the end of this promo, we tallied all the votes and it’s unanimous. With 100 percent of the vote, each and every one of you did, in fact, sploosh when Kurt took his shirt off. So glad I wasn’t the only one. Ok folks; go back to doing whatever you were doing before. Like….I don’t know…..watching internet porn. I know that’s where we’re going to do. Xhamster, here we cum!.............see what I did there? It was a sex joke. Oh, I crack myself up at times.
End Scene
*And I’m doing the equivalent of a female splooshing right now.
~…………..Too much info bro.
*Just wanted to let everyone know.
~I really don’t think the people reading this promo want to know that.
*Sure they do, they love me and my opinions and what I do during my day. I got a whole Twitter following over at #Kurtsinnervoice*.
~You totally made that up.
*No seriously, I got like a million followers.
~That is a total lie.
*Whatever man. Hey, I wonder who else splooshed in their pants when Kurt walked out with his shirt off. We’ll take a poll. All you fat and geeky people reading this filth of an rp, write your answer on your computer screen with grape jelly. After you read through this crap of a promo, we’ll give you the answer. Remember, it must be grape jelly that you write on your computer screen with. You use anything else and it won’t count.
~…….please don’t do that devoted readers.
~With three bags of ice in hand, Kurt makes his way over to table and sits on top of it. Pain shoots his face as he maneuvers his knees on the table. As he’s moving his legs, the camera gets a good look at his knees to find scars from his most recent surgery. Grabbing the ice bags, he places one underneath both knees and then places the other set on top of his knees.
Kurt Newman: “Everyone knows who I am. Everyone knows what I can do. Everyone knows that the biggest fan of Kurt Newman is Kurt Newman. I get ticked off more than anyone else when I lose and I’m my own harshest critic when I do something stupid in and out of that ring. I’ve set standards on myself that most wrestlers can and never will do because they are impossible at times. But these standards and these goals that I lay across my path have made me the super star that I am today. It’s because of those standards why I’m a multi time champion in numerous feds from America, to Japan, to South America, to Europe and Africa. I’ve beaten the best and been in some of the most memorable matches in wrestling history. You want to know why I talk so high about myself at times? Because I’ve done it all while everyone else hasn’t done anything close to what I’ve done. That’s why ladies and gentlemen. Plan and simple. Let them go wrestle over in a gymnasium over in Africa where there is no air conditioner on a 120 degree day. Go wrestle over in Russia when it’s winter over there and the damn heater is broken in the school gym that you’re wrestling in. Try finding your way in Japan where the village that you’re at doesn’t speak a lick of English. Get stabbed in the fucking rib cage after match that you refused to take a dive in when you were in Brazil. Go through the same shit I’ve gone through in my wrestling career…..walk a mile in my shoes and try to care like I still care about this sport after so many years of events like those and so much more. I could have walked out of this industry decades ago because the pay was shitty and life on the road is even crappier when the only thing you can afford to eat is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But I didn’t. I stayed with the sport and it paid off.”
~With the bags of ice positioned just right, Kurt leans against the wall behind him and does his best to block the pain.
Kurt Newman: “I’m one of a kind ladies and gentlemen. You can’t compare me to no one else because there is only one Kurt Newman and so many imitators. Everything that I’ve done in my life, I worked my ass off on. I proved myself time and time again why I should be on top of the fucking mountain. And when people came around to knock my ass off, the only way they could was to cripple me and drag my ass off with me still fighting them. This is why I’m great. This is why I’m the best in the wrestling industry. I’ve done it all and I will continue to do so much more in my wrestling career because as long as I can wake up every morning with that want to remain the best, then I will continue to be better and not lose my touch in this industry. I set my standards high and if I don’t meet those standards, then it ain’t worth living anymore because if I’m not first…….then I ain’t worth a shit to this world.”
~Kurt adjusts himself a little as he closes his eyes and does his best to relax and calm himself after the workout.
Kurt Newman: “I wake up every day with pain in my joints. I wake up struggling to get up because of stiffness in my back. It’s painful to get up in the morning because the sound of bones grinding against bones hurts so much to my soul and to my ears because I lost to much damn cartilage in my joints because of over usage and years of surgery. I’m in my mid-thirties and I feel like I’m an old fart every time I wake up because I move like one and I make noises like one. Nothing more than a bunch of cussing and a bunch of grunts that aren’t the sexy type that you’d usually hear from me when I’m fucking a chick. I wake up every day with the reminders of my past attempts to be the man that you see today. I took chances. I took those leaps of faith to be the man that you see today, one of the best damn wrestlers in this industry today.
And I ask myself every day when I feel the pain shooting up my back after all the falls that nearly broke my spine……….I ask myself with my knees burning after all the funny landings that my knees adsorbed.……I ask with my head pounding after all the different types of concussions I’ve sustained after blunt objects connected with my skull time and time again. With all this pain and misery I’ve sustained since I was the age of 16 gentlemen…..I ask myself if it’s been worth it all. I ask myself every fucking day if all the pain…..all the suffering….all the doubt and all the unasked questions about my future….was it truly worth it.”
~Kurt takes a deep breath in as anger consumes his face. A few breaths later, Kurt is calm once again as a slight smile comes crawling across his face.
Kurt Newman: “The only thing I have to remember is that cheering of the fans. All I have to remember is those matches that people will never forget. I look back at those epic matches that I was in and my heart pumps that extra kick I need to get up to continue my day.”
~Kurt opens his eyes and reaches for a towel in a nearby duffel bag that’s lying on a small table next to the table that Kurt is laying on. Kurt takes the towel and begins to wipe the sweat off his body as he goes back to talking.
Kurt Newman: “It’d be easy to say fuck it all and walk away……..but I love the sport way too much. Ever since I was old enough to remember…..this is what I’ve always wanted to do. I’m living my dream job. My future may be where I’m sitting in a wheel chair……it may be where I’m mentally brain dead or I’m paralyzed from the neck down, not able to wipe my own ass. But it doesn’t matter what my future holds. It really doesn’t. Because I could die tomorrow from a car accident. I could die tomorrow from alcohol poisoning. I could die in the near future from cancer. I could die from anything. So I live in the moment and try my best to live my life better than the day before.…..and I bring that state of mind into the ring with me. Besides…..I’d rather die young with having the time of my life than die old where I can’t do a damn thing.”
~Kurt places the towel on his head as he looks up at the ceiling.
Kurt Newman: “I guess I should probably do some smack talking. But what’s the point really? I could go on and on and on and on about how I’m going to kick both your asses from one side of the arena to the other. I could spice it up a little and speak in a foreign language I guess. I could do it in French or in German or maybe Spanish……but then I remember I don’t know any other language other than English….well that and redneck. But I don’t want to go on and on about the different ways I could beat you guys down or what I’m going to do to you guys because to tell you the truth, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if my knees are going to give out or if my tag team partners are going to turn on me and join the resistance. Sure, I can plan for everything that might happen, but there’s always those what if’s. So I’m not going to yell until my face goes blue on how I’m going to kick your ass and shit. What I can promise you is that we’re going to win this match because like I’ve said before in the past and what I’m going to continue to say in the near future…..that I’m the best this company has. I’ve already beaten the proposed greatest wrestler in MPW history with Clash, Roxi, and Soul Shadow…… sowhat makes you think I can’t’ beat you again kids?”
~A smile comes across Kurt’s face as he looks back at the camera for a second with a cocky expression.
Kurt Newman: “And yeah…..I’m going to be holding that over your heads for a very……very…..very long time.”
~Kurt chuckles to himself as he leans up against the wall again and closes his eyes.
Kurt Newman: “But here we are at the Pay Per View in a match to see who’s dick’s……or clits for you female folk…… is bigger. Two teams with personal grudges that want to prove that their right and the other team is wrong. Whatever happens tonight though, only one team is going to walk out of that arena with their hands raised in victory and their heads held up high….knowing that they won the match. And that my friends will be us. How do I know this? Because I’m Kurt Newman, and I’m always on top.”
~Kurt closes his eyes as he adjusts himself on the table.
Kurt Newman: “I’ll see you at the Super Card.”
~With that, the scene ends as the screen goes to black.
*Ok readers! If you made it to the end of this promo, we tallied all the votes and it’s unanimous. With 100 percent of the vote, each and every one of you did, in fact, sploosh when Kurt took his shirt off. So glad I wasn’t the only one. Ok folks; go back to doing whatever you were doing before. Like….I don’t know…..watching internet porn. I know that’s where we’re going to do. Xhamster, here we cum!.............see what I did there? It was a sex joke. Oh, I crack myself up at times.
End Scene
