Post by Emi's Imaginary Friend on Aug 8, 2012 9:24:55 GMT -5
You would imagine that John Fisherman would not be very happy about what happened during Monday Night Main Event this week. Would you be happy if the man who stole a championship that you failed to win decided to literally rub it in your face? Needless to say, he was not in the mood for an interview. However, there was still one person less happy than him at that point. Licking their wounds, the two were already on their way out of the arena, not even sticking around to find out the reason behind his interference.
"I had that match won, and that fucking cheat had to interfere. Seriously, what's his problem? If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't even be the champion. If anything, he should be thanking me!"
"Umm...yeah...listen John, you go on ahead. I have to stick around for a bit."
The two stopped before they opened the exit door.
"What's going on?"
"Didn't I tell you? My sister's here, she's staying with me for two nights, I have to pick her up."
"Really? Why? What for?"
"You really have no idea, do you?"
John simply shrugged, clearly confused, and in response, Ms. Biguns stormed outside. She was obviously upset with him, but he just couldn't figure out why. Maybe because of his offer from Laura Tavares, maybe because of his second straight loss in a row. John really had no clue.
The following morning, John Fisherman was already in his regular gym, sitting on the apron of his regular training ring, alongside his regular sparring partner, Chicken, who seemed rather occupied with something in his hands. John was in no lighter mood.
"No answer. She hasn't returned my calls all morning. What could possibly be wrong with her?"
"..."
"I know she has a problem with Laura, but I don't intend to sign with her or anything. Besides, Laura already has those two girls, I don't think I'd like to be the Kip James of the group, you know?"
"..."
"I just haven't seen her like that before, you know?"
"..."
"Dammit Chicken, are you even listening to me?"
"Oh, yeah. Hey listen, what do you think of this?"
Chicken revealed a small necklace box from his hands and presented it to John. He opened it, revealing a rather expensive crystal heart necklace, not the real deal but still stunning to behold:
"What the hell is this?"
"It's for Ms. Biguns. I'm gonna give it to her later. Do you think she'll like it?"
"I guess."
John was still confused as he went to hand the box back to Chicken, who was suddenly scrambling through his duffel bag in slight panic.
"Oh crap! I think I left my wallet at the jewelry store! Umm, John, could you hold onto that until I get back?"
"Uhh yeah, no problem."
"Cheers."
Worried about his wallet, Chicken darted out of the gym, leaving his duffel bag behind, as John slid the necklace case into his own duffel bag. He went on to do some dumbbell lifting for a few minutes before he noticed Ms. Biguns arriving, later than usual, looking passively stressed. John dropped the dumbbells to say hello.
"Hey Jasmine, what's up?"
"She insisted on coming."
"What? Who?"
"HI EVERYBODY!!"
Ms. Biguns openly cringed at the all too familiar voice of her sister, Jessica Hosenstein, who strutted into the building waving her hands. She was wearing a leopard fur coat and a pair of over-sized sunglasses, strutting in with a pair of high-heels. She was far more unbearably feminine than her sibling, and her voice was so shrill, you could easily imagine her screeching "Ohhh-myyy-God!" All eyes were on her as she made her way through the gym, catching up to her little sister, who folded her arms, grinding her teeth in frustration.
"Sorry pumpkin, we just had to pop into that darling little shop round the corner, those shoes were to die for! Oh, and is this the famous superstar you told me about?"
She gently shoved Ms. Biguns out of her way to get a closer look at the man that stood before her. She offered out her hand, expecting John to kiss it, but instead, John simply shook her hand.
"Jazzy didn't tell me that you are...quite a handsome little devil."
"Oh, well, I try."
John laughed to himself, and Jessica joined in.
"Oh Johnny baby, but what is this dangling from your chin?"
"Hands off, it took a lot of effort."
"Really? Reminds me of Jazzy when she was a teenager..."
"Jess! Don't say things like that!"
"I'm just lightening the atmosphere my little piggy, no need to get snippy."
"Piggy? Ms. Biguns?"
"Oh my, yes. You have no idea. When we were kids, she was such a little porker! Here, let me show you!"
Jessica pulled out a photo from her purse and showed it to John. It was photo of a young girl, rather big for her age, eating some cotton candy at what appeared to be a carnival:
Upon the sight of this photo, John started laughing, much to Jessica's approval, and Jasmine's discomfort.
"Oh my god, Jasmine! Is this you?"
Angrily she snapped the photo from his fingers and crammed it into her pocket as the two continued to giggle.
"Back when your belly was bigger than your boobs, right hun? Oh, but that's nothing. Even younger, she was even bigger! This one night, she was playing outside in the farm, and daddy thought that one of the pigs had gotten loose!"
"You're joking!"
"Nope! Mom had to convince him not to tackle her!"
Ms. Biguns's face was now turning bright red. She knew that Jessica would embarrass her like this, but she did not expect her man to join in. She was so humiliated, she suddenly stormed off furiously. She barged her way into the women's lavatory as John and Jessica watched, still giggling amongst themselves.
"Is she okay?"
"She's fine. She always has her panties in a bunch for some reason or another. She's just a little more cranky because it's her birthday and all."
"Wait...what!?"
"You didn't know? It's her birthday today!"
"Oh man, that explains everything!"
"Yeah...Hey, listen hot-stuff, I'm gonna pop out to look at some of the stores around here. Give me a call if you ever get bored, I know a way or two to put a smile back on that face. But do me a favor, and lose the goatee, would you? Ciao!"
Jessica strutted out of the building in a similar fashion as she had entered, leaving John Fisherman alone. Now by his lonesome, he was concerned about Ms. Biguns. She was clearly upset. John reached into his duffel bag and pulled out Chicken's necklace case from earlier. He held it behind his back as he knocked on the lavatory door, asking for her to come out, but it was no use. He was about to leave, but then the door opened. She came out and gave John a burning look. She was clearly not happy with her client. The two silently sat back on the ring apron as John placed the box by his side, still unknown to Jasmine.
"Listen Jasmine, you know I was just kidding just now, right?"
"You know John, I don't know why I bother."
"What?"
"I'm really upset with you. You know how much I hate it when people make fun of me. Seeing you laugh at me with my sister, I was just so mad."
"Aww I'm sorry, but you know I don't mean it right?"
"But that's not the reason why I'm upset with you."
"Listen Jasmine, before you say anything else..."
John grabbed the box behind his back.
"...I just want you to know..."
He presented the box to Jasmine, who was now the one who looked confused.
"...I do care a lot about you."
Ms. Biguns did not know what to say. She took the box from his hands and opened it. Inside, she found a beautiful necklace. She was thrilled.
"Happy Birthday Jasmine."
"Oh Johnny!"
Relieved, she embraced John with a mighty hug.
"Hey, you didn't think that I'd forget your birthday, did you? Silly girl!"
"Oh John, you didn't have to get me anything!"
Unknown to the two however, from a nearby window, Chicken had watched everything. He saw John grab his necklace box, he watched him hand it over to the love of his life, and he weeped as he took credit for his present, a gift that was supposed to be from him as a confession of his admiration. At that moment, his heart was crushed. He should never had trusted John Fisherman, he should have known better, and now there he was, with a tear in his eye, as his chance at love was flushed down the toilet. No longer wanting to watch anymore, Chicken simply stormed out of sight, filled with sadness...and rage.
"Hey Jasmine, shall we shoot a promo, right now?"
The two snickered to each other as Ms. Biguns pulled out a small camcorder from her handbag. Holding it in her hand, she pointed it at the two from a low angle, with John Fisherman sitting behind Ms. Biguns while her boobs almost blocked the view from her face.
"Hello MPW, John Fisherman here, accompanied of course by the lovely Ms. Biguns, who turns thirty years young tonight by the way. We'll be celebrating later tonight, won't we?"
"Damn straight!"
"That's right. But of course, it wasn't all celebrations in the Fisherman boot camp. Not last night. But I'm not mad. I'm not mad at Chris Michaels. You know, no one ever talks about the fish that got away, and Chris, I may have let you slip away, but if and when we face each other again, you will not be so lucky next time. No one will be able to save you, and there won't be any nibbles, but instead, you'll be caught, and I will finish you once and for all. I'm not mad at Justin Fischer. After all, he sees me as a threat to his TV title, of course he'd want to take cheap shots at me, any copycat pussy would, especially since the only reason he's champion in the first place was because of me. Nope, I'm not mad. And you know why? Because I know that I'm still destined for glory. I'm still entered in the Roll of the Dice match at High Stakes, and I'm in it to win it. You know what? When I win, I might even cash in for a World title shot on the same night!"
"You better believe it! Bloodhound, Enigma, Rage, none of them can hold a candle to my man!"
"Bloodhound? Funny enough, my uncle had a pet bloodhound. Smelled like shit. No, I haven't met the guy yet, but I assume that he smells no different. The guy hangs around with dogs for crying out loud! Oh, but congratulations for getting into this match. Congratulations for making a girl cry and tap out. You've truly earned your spot in this match, haven't you? Well guess what bub? At High Stakes, you won't be facing any women, and by the end of the night, you'll be running home not like a hound, but like a scolded dog."
"Yeah, you little bitch!"
"And as for that freak Enigma, well, I have to admit, you deserve a spot in this match more than Bloodhound. He only beat up one woman, but you managed to beat up two women! I'm impressed..."
"Yeah right, you beat up a comic book nerd and the sister to a pussy. Yeah, that's really impressive..."
"I can tell that you're Chris Michaels's brother, relying on the Fischer sisters to win your first match. Oh, and in case you haven't figured it out, I'm being sarcastic. You know what, I'm glad that Chris survived our match last night, because now he has the pleasure to watch his own brother suffer the same fate that he will soon face when we clash once again. It's going to bring me great pleasure to win this match, but it will bring me even greater pleasure to pull that mask and snap it back into your face in the process."
"Oh, and Aidan Caine, who do you think you are?"
"Aidan, the North American champion. A joke if you ask me. You think that you're better than everyone else don't you? You haven't even taken the time to say one word to me since I got here. But then again, why would you? Everyone else is beneath you, aren't they? But guess what Candy Caine, don't think that you'd slip by me that easily at High Stakes. You're in the ring with me, the epitome of talent. You may be the North American champion, but to me, you're no better than that douche bag of a TV champion, and when we meet in that ring, there won't be any jokes. You may think of yourself as the big fish in the little pond, but I'm the Fisherman, and you're going to be my catch of the day!"
"John, again with the fishing references?"
"Hey, that's what I do! Anyway, what about Rage?"
"Oh yes, the big prankster!"
"Yeah, I caught up with the show earlier, and you and Clash thought the whole H4CK3R gag last night was hilarious, right? Well no, I wasn't laughing. I mean come on, really, Jason Xavier? That loser? Why would you want him to join the True Wrestling Icons? What has he done since coming here? He failed to enter the Roll of the Dice match twice, and he beat a man who hasn't won a single match here yet. You think he's really TWI material? I already destroyed him twice since coming here. If anyone around here deserves to be a True Wrestling Icon, it should be me! But that's alright, I'm not mad, I don't need a group to get the job done. I confess, when I first got here, I was a little intimidated by you Rage, but after watching you these past couple of weeks, I now realize that you're nothing but another wimp. I hope the True Wrestling Icons don't take it personally when I start smacking you all over the ring at High Stakes. And heck, if there's still a spot available, I'm all ears..."
"Yeah, he's your guy. And personally, I think you could use a feminine touch in the group if you ask me..."
"And last but not least, Kurt Newman. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. You probably don't remember me, do you? And if I ask, I know that you'd probably agree, and then go on to make some snide remark about me or my goatee or the lovely Ms. Biguns. You think you're so funny, don't you? Trying so desperately to be clever and funny just so you can be accepted by the marks that surround you. But I'm not buying it. You in bed with the entire US Olympic female swimming team? Yeah right, how much did it cost to organize what is obviously a fake scenario. And to declare yourself a gold medalist in being awesome? How ridiculous. How degrading. How pathetic you must be. But you know what Kurt? I remember you. I remember you clearly from the first moment I met you, and I can honestly say that you make me sick. You don't deserve a job in wrestling, let alone a job here in MPW. You're nothing but a child, a child crying for attention, a child weeping for sympathy, a child lacking in dignity and respect. I have to say, after our last match, I was hoping to smack that disgusting smirk off your face, but you know something? I no longer despise you. I just pity you. Kurt, you don't belong here. Just run back home to mommy and daddy, and let the real men compete, because at High Stakes, shit is going to get real."
"Oh, and Kurt...if you were a bra, I'd just throw you in the bin because you'd be just too small!"
"..."
"What?"
"Is that supposed to be a penis joke?"
"Well done professor, you cracked the code!"
"Well...anyway, all these five guys, are they any match for me? No. Can any of you guys hold a candle to me? No. Why? Because I am the epitome of talent, I am the king of the world, I am the one, the only, the original. I am going to win the Roll of the Dice match, and then I will go on to become the deserving face of the company. Before my days are done, there will be a new World Heavyweight champion, and his name will be John Fisherman!"
"Oh, and Laura, if you think you'll get a piece of this, you've got another thing coming! You can take those two blond bimbos that you call clients and shove them up your gluttonous fat ass, since the shit comes out of your mouth!"
"Uh Jasmine, that's a bit graphic, isn't it?"
"Hey, I call it as I see it. There's only room for one bitch in this company, and it definitely isn't going to be that feeble, fat little girl! She better pack her heels and get her ass on a treadmill because that cow is in way over her head here!"
"Well, I don't think she's that fat..."
"She's a fat cow John, a barn animal! Haven't you seen Babe: Pig in the City?"
"Can't say that I have, but can't I just wrap this up?"
"Go on then..."
"Okay...as I was saying, before my days are done, there will be a new World Heavyweight champion, and his name will be John Fisherman! Spoiler alert: You guys don't stand a chance!"
And with that, they switched the camcorder off.
"I had that match won, and that fucking cheat had to interfere. Seriously, what's his problem? If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't even be the champion. If anything, he should be thanking me!"
"Umm...yeah...listen John, you go on ahead. I have to stick around for a bit."
The two stopped before they opened the exit door.
"What's going on?"
"Didn't I tell you? My sister's here, she's staying with me for two nights, I have to pick her up."
"Really? Why? What for?"
"You really have no idea, do you?"
John simply shrugged, clearly confused, and in response, Ms. Biguns stormed outside. She was obviously upset with him, but he just couldn't figure out why. Maybe because of his offer from Laura Tavares, maybe because of his second straight loss in a row. John really had no clue.
The following morning, John Fisherman was already in his regular gym, sitting on the apron of his regular training ring, alongside his regular sparring partner, Chicken, who seemed rather occupied with something in his hands. John was in no lighter mood.
"No answer. She hasn't returned my calls all morning. What could possibly be wrong with her?"
"..."
"I know she has a problem with Laura, but I don't intend to sign with her or anything. Besides, Laura already has those two girls, I don't think I'd like to be the Kip James of the group, you know?"
"..."
"I just haven't seen her like that before, you know?"
"..."
"Dammit Chicken, are you even listening to me?"
"Oh, yeah. Hey listen, what do you think of this?"
Chicken revealed a small necklace box from his hands and presented it to John. He opened it, revealing a rather expensive crystal heart necklace, not the real deal but still stunning to behold:
"What the hell is this?"
"It's for Ms. Biguns. I'm gonna give it to her later. Do you think she'll like it?"
"I guess."
John was still confused as he went to hand the box back to Chicken, who was suddenly scrambling through his duffel bag in slight panic.
"Oh crap! I think I left my wallet at the jewelry store! Umm, John, could you hold onto that until I get back?"
"Uhh yeah, no problem."
"Cheers."
Worried about his wallet, Chicken darted out of the gym, leaving his duffel bag behind, as John slid the necklace case into his own duffel bag. He went on to do some dumbbell lifting for a few minutes before he noticed Ms. Biguns arriving, later than usual, looking passively stressed. John dropped the dumbbells to say hello.
"Hey Jasmine, what's up?"
"She insisted on coming."
"What? Who?"
"HI EVERYBODY!!"
Ms. Biguns openly cringed at the all too familiar voice of her sister, Jessica Hosenstein, who strutted into the building waving her hands. She was wearing a leopard fur coat and a pair of over-sized sunglasses, strutting in with a pair of high-heels. She was far more unbearably feminine than her sibling, and her voice was so shrill, you could easily imagine her screeching "Ohhh-myyy-God!" All eyes were on her as she made her way through the gym, catching up to her little sister, who folded her arms, grinding her teeth in frustration.
"Sorry pumpkin, we just had to pop into that darling little shop round the corner, those shoes were to die for! Oh, and is this the famous superstar you told me about?"
She gently shoved Ms. Biguns out of her way to get a closer look at the man that stood before her. She offered out her hand, expecting John to kiss it, but instead, John simply shook her hand.
"Jazzy didn't tell me that you are...quite a handsome little devil."
"Oh, well, I try."
John laughed to himself, and Jessica joined in.
"Oh Johnny baby, but what is this dangling from your chin?"
"Hands off, it took a lot of effort."
"Really? Reminds me of Jazzy when she was a teenager..."
"Jess! Don't say things like that!"
"I'm just lightening the atmosphere my little piggy, no need to get snippy."
"Piggy? Ms. Biguns?"
"Oh my, yes. You have no idea. When we were kids, she was such a little porker! Here, let me show you!"
Jessica pulled out a photo from her purse and showed it to John. It was photo of a young girl, rather big for her age, eating some cotton candy at what appeared to be a carnival:
Upon the sight of this photo, John started laughing, much to Jessica's approval, and Jasmine's discomfort.
"Oh my god, Jasmine! Is this you?"
Angrily she snapped the photo from his fingers and crammed it into her pocket as the two continued to giggle.
"Back when your belly was bigger than your boobs, right hun? Oh, but that's nothing. Even younger, she was even bigger! This one night, she was playing outside in the farm, and daddy thought that one of the pigs had gotten loose!"
"You're joking!"
"Nope! Mom had to convince him not to tackle her!"
Ms. Biguns's face was now turning bright red. She knew that Jessica would embarrass her like this, but she did not expect her man to join in. She was so humiliated, she suddenly stormed off furiously. She barged her way into the women's lavatory as John and Jessica watched, still giggling amongst themselves.
"Is she okay?"
"She's fine. She always has her panties in a bunch for some reason or another. She's just a little more cranky because it's her birthday and all."
"Wait...what!?"
"You didn't know? It's her birthday today!"
"Oh man, that explains everything!"
"Yeah...Hey, listen hot-stuff, I'm gonna pop out to look at some of the stores around here. Give me a call if you ever get bored, I know a way or two to put a smile back on that face. But do me a favor, and lose the goatee, would you? Ciao!"
Jessica strutted out of the building in a similar fashion as she had entered, leaving John Fisherman alone. Now by his lonesome, he was concerned about Ms. Biguns. She was clearly upset. John reached into his duffel bag and pulled out Chicken's necklace case from earlier. He held it behind his back as he knocked on the lavatory door, asking for her to come out, but it was no use. He was about to leave, but then the door opened. She came out and gave John a burning look. She was clearly not happy with her client. The two silently sat back on the ring apron as John placed the box by his side, still unknown to Jasmine.
"Listen Jasmine, you know I was just kidding just now, right?"
"You know John, I don't know why I bother."
"What?"
"I'm really upset with you. You know how much I hate it when people make fun of me. Seeing you laugh at me with my sister, I was just so mad."
"Aww I'm sorry, but you know I don't mean it right?"
"But that's not the reason why I'm upset with you."
"Listen Jasmine, before you say anything else..."
John grabbed the box behind his back.
"...I just want you to know..."
He presented the box to Jasmine, who was now the one who looked confused.
"...I do care a lot about you."
Ms. Biguns did not know what to say. She took the box from his hands and opened it. Inside, she found a beautiful necklace. She was thrilled.
"Happy Birthday Jasmine."
"Oh Johnny!"
Relieved, she embraced John with a mighty hug.
"Hey, you didn't think that I'd forget your birthday, did you? Silly girl!"
"Oh John, you didn't have to get me anything!"
Unknown to the two however, from a nearby window, Chicken had watched everything. He saw John grab his necklace box, he watched him hand it over to the love of his life, and he weeped as he took credit for his present, a gift that was supposed to be from him as a confession of his admiration. At that moment, his heart was crushed. He should never had trusted John Fisherman, he should have known better, and now there he was, with a tear in his eye, as his chance at love was flushed down the toilet. No longer wanting to watch anymore, Chicken simply stormed out of sight, filled with sadness...and rage.
"Hey Jasmine, shall we shoot a promo, right now?"
The two snickered to each other as Ms. Biguns pulled out a small camcorder from her handbag. Holding it in her hand, she pointed it at the two from a low angle, with John Fisherman sitting behind Ms. Biguns while her boobs almost blocked the view from her face.
"Hello MPW, John Fisherman here, accompanied of course by the lovely Ms. Biguns, who turns thirty years young tonight by the way. We'll be celebrating later tonight, won't we?"
"Damn straight!"
"That's right. But of course, it wasn't all celebrations in the Fisherman boot camp. Not last night. But I'm not mad. I'm not mad at Chris Michaels. You know, no one ever talks about the fish that got away, and Chris, I may have let you slip away, but if and when we face each other again, you will not be so lucky next time. No one will be able to save you, and there won't be any nibbles, but instead, you'll be caught, and I will finish you once and for all. I'm not mad at Justin Fischer. After all, he sees me as a threat to his TV title, of course he'd want to take cheap shots at me, any copycat pussy would, especially since the only reason he's champion in the first place was because of me. Nope, I'm not mad. And you know why? Because I know that I'm still destined for glory. I'm still entered in the Roll of the Dice match at High Stakes, and I'm in it to win it. You know what? When I win, I might even cash in for a World title shot on the same night!"
"You better believe it! Bloodhound, Enigma, Rage, none of them can hold a candle to my man!"
"Bloodhound? Funny enough, my uncle had a pet bloodhound. Smelled like shit. No, I haven't met the guy yet, but I assume that he smells no different. The guy hangs around with dogs for crying out loud! Oh, but congratulations for getting into this match. Congratulations for making a girl cry and tap out. You've truly earned your spot in this match, haven't you? Well guess what bub? At High Stakes, you won't be facing any women, and by the end of the night, you'll be running home not like a hound, but like a scolded dog."
"Yeah, you little bitch!"
"And as for that freak Enigma, well, I have to admit, you deserve a spot in this match more than Bloodhound. He only beat up one woman, but you managed to beat up two women! I'm impressed..."
"Yeah right, you beat up a comic book nerd and the sister to a pussy. Yeah, that's really impressive..."
"I can tell that you're Chris Michaels's brother, relying on the Fischer sisters to win your first match. Oh, and in case you haven't figured it out, I'm being sarcastic. You know what, I'm glad that Chris survived our match last night, because now he has the pleasure to watch his own brother suffer the same fate that he will soon face when we clash once again. It's going to bring me great pleasure to win this match, but it will bring me even greater pleasure to pull that mask and snap it back into your face in the process."
"Oh, and Aidan Caine, who do you think you are?"
"Aidan, the North American champion. A joke if you ask me. You think that you're better than everyone else don't you? You haven't even taken the time to say one word to me since I got here. But then again, why would you? Everyone else is beneath you, aren't they? But guess what Candy Caine, don't think that you'd slip by me that easily at High Stakes. You're in the ring with me, the epitome of talent. You may be the North American champion, but to me, you're no better than that douche bag of a TV champion, and when we meet in that ring, there won't be any jokes. You may think of yourself as the big fish in the little pond, but I'm the Fisherman, and you're going to be my catch of the day!"
"John, again with the fishing references?"
"Hey, that's what I do! Anyway, what about Rage?"
"Oh yes, the big prankster!"
"Yeah, I caught up with the show earlier, and you and Clash thought the whole H4CK3R gag last night was hilarious, right? Well no, I wasn't laughing. I mean come on, really, Jason Xavier? That loser? Why would you want him to join the True Wrestling Icons? What has he done since coming here? He failed to enter the Roll of the Dice match twice, and he beat a man who hasn't won a single match here yet. You think he's really TWI material? I already destroyed him twice since coming here. If anyone around here deserves to be a True Wrestling Icon, it should be me! But that's alright, I'm not mad, I don't need a group to get the job done. I confess, when I first got here, I was a little intimidated by you Rage, but after watching you these past couple of weeks, I now realize that you're nothing but another wimp. I hope the True Wrestling Icons don't take it personally when I start smacking you all over the ring at High Stakes. And heck, if there's still a spot available, I'm all ears..."
"Yeah, he's your guy. And personally, I think you could use a feminine touch in the group if you ask me..."
"And last but not least, Kurt Newman. Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. You probably don't remember me, do you? And if I ask, I know that you'd probably agree, and then go on to make some snide remark about me or my goatee or the lovely Ms. Biguns. You think you're so funny, don't you? Trying so desperately to be clever and funny just so you can be accepted by the marks that surround you. But I'm not buying it. You in bed with the entire US Olympic female swimming team? Yeah right, how much did it cost to organize what is obviously a fake scenario. And to declare yourself a gold medalist in being awesome? How ridiculous. How degrading. How pathetic you must be. But you know what Kurt? I remember you. I remember you clearly from the first moment I met you, and I can honestly say that you make me sick. You don't deserve a job in wrestling, let alone a job here in MPW. You're nothing but a child, a child crying for attention, a child weeping for sympathy, a child lacking in dignity and respect. I have to say, after our last match, I was hoping to smack that disgusting smirk off your face, but you know something? I no longer despise you. I just pity you. Kurt, you don't belong here. Just run back home to mommy and daddy, and let the real men compete, because at High Stakes, shit is going to get real."
"Oh, and Kurt...if you were a bra, I'd just throw you in the bin because you'd be just too small!"
"..."
"What?"
"Is that supposed to be a penis joke?"
"Well done professor, you cracked the code!"
"Well...anyway, all these five guys, are they any match for me? No. Can any of you guys hold a candle to me? No. Why? Because I am the epitome of talent, I am the king of the world, I am the one, the only, the original. I am going to win the Roll of the Dice match, and then I will go on to become the deserving face of the company. Before my days are done, there will be a new World Heavyweight champion, and his name will be John Fisherman!"
"Oh, and Laura, if you think you'll get a piece of this, you've got another thing coming! You can take those two blond bimbos that you call clients and shove them up your gluttonous fat ass, since the shit comes out of your mouth!"
"Uh Jasmine, that's a bit graphic, isn't it?"
"Hey, I call it as I see it. There's only room for one bitch in this company, and it definitely isn't going to be that feeble, fat little girl! She better pack her heels and get her ass on a treadmill because that cow is in way over her head here!"
"Well, I don't think she's that fat..."
"She's a fat cow John, a barn animal! Haven't you seen Babe: Pig in the City?"
"Can't say that I have, but can't I just wrap this up?"
"Go on then..."
"Okay...as I was saying, before my days are done, there will be a new World Heavyweight champion, and his name will be John Fisherman! Spoiler alert: You guys don't stand a chance!"
And with that, they switched the camcorder off.
