Post by sonjamlickinova on Aug 12, 2012 10:49:09 GMT -5
[The midday sun acts as foreshadowing for events below in Groves Valley, Phloriphornia hanging like a decapitated head. While sucking on some slices of Valencia oranges, “The Molotov Mocktail” Sonja Maria Lickinova sprawls around in mounds of sucrose-laden sand. Damn dame puts the “tit” in titular heroine as she gets hard-pressed against a gigantic black queen chess piece. This particular pose appears eerily reminiscent of Russian Grand Master Alexandra Kosteniuk. Synthetic snowflakes exported from a Hollywood prop shop sprinkle down from a nearby hotel balcony. Her surroundings look similar to an indie-film soundstage. Unlike her two previous appearances before Millennium Pro Wrestling audiences, “The Saratov Sweetheart” sports a controversial yet less provocative wardrobe: a one-piece swimsuit with three flags profiled. On her front left side is the flag of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, her front ride side showcased a flag of the modern Russian Federation, and emblazoned on the back is the flag of the United States of America. She snaps her right thumb and index finger to trigger a video camera on.][/b]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: Greetinks, matroyshka dolls and dahlinks. Sonja Maria Lickinova is here for viewink pleasure. I am “Molotov Mocktail” for reason, because I am what I drink…virgin. [Mild laughter can be heard off-camera. Sonja Maria grits her teeth to display minor disappointment, but still look in control of the production.] Don’t know who made clerical error on Honey Winters’ cue cards, but they had get clue now. Had to get that off chest, you know. [She subconsciously licks her lower lip.] Speakink of which, I am graced with female competition this week in form of delusional duper-heroine Roxi Johnson. There is also ravink madman known as Castiel. However, I wash my hands of him like Dial Antibacterial Hand Soap.
[”The Saratov Sweetheart” proceeds to mime washes her hands as a Product Placement Specialist walks on screen. A gawky teenage boy decked out in a non-descript white t-shirt and knock-off blue jeans approaches her. Lickinova snatches a long cylindrical/slightly phallic bottle from the temp employee. She lathers her arms and legs with ungodly globs of what is labeled as “suntan lotion.” Then again, when licking the stuff off, said substance resembles Cool Whip whipped topping. Constant straining and stretching of her tongue muscle causes portions to fall onto the ground. Pouting her lips in a petulant manner, Lickinova starts dressing down her adversary.]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: Nyet, my focus revolves around dat masked mamacita…
[Without warning a digitized projection of Roxi Johnson develops. Pink and purple hues pulsate against a stormy sky while two cat-like eyes captivate the video camera’s gaze. Lime-green smoke and auburn-colored flames begin to interweave around those two slender ocular cavities. The smoke shapes itself into Roxi Johnson’s trademark mask and the flames into her burgundy-red locks. On the image, no lips are visible for the character knows not what she speaks. In place of Johnson’s lips, the avatar wears a thin piece of duct tape reading “Socks Knocked Off” in crudely written black Sharpie permanent marker. As the camera focuses back on Sonja Maria, she appears to be wearing a piece of jewelry resembling a striking pair of legs wrapped tightly around her neck.]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: This week at MP-Doble(Double)-U Supershow, I either get Rox off or I will be swimmink with Justice Lock ‘round my neck. Do my best swimmink under mountink pressure. She looks so naïve to da Assuasive (calming, soothing) Arts that I bet she could be lulled with a lollipop. Lucky for moi, I have plethora of different flavors at my disposal.
[The Product Placement Specialist rushes in with a stainless steel tray of various lollipops. From Tootsie Roll Pops and Chupa Chups to Ping Pop Whistle Lollipops, a wide assorted of various suckers are on display. Out of them all, Ms. Lickinova selects a Yummy Lix-brand lollipop to amplify fan service and provide subtle distraction for what she is about to disclose. For the first time during the entire self-promoting presentation, Sonja Maria rises to a vertical base.]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: Unlike Comrade Vision, John-son is thinkink clearly. I was born Soviet, raised Communist, and infiltrated myself into beleaguered bosom of Lady Liberty.
[She turns her back to the camera and points with both thumbs aimed downward to the American flag, then turns back around placing her left hand over her heart on the right-facing Russian Federation flag, and points with her right index finger towards the despicable depiction of the dreaded “Hammer & Sickle.”] My back is to America, my heart remains in Russia, and my mind resides somewhere in Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Maybe dat’s why you people say I’m crazy. Maybe dat’s why I lick on every think. When I step inside dat rink, passions become unleashed. It’s as simple as C & H Sugar, dahlink, I keep cravink forbidden fruit. [She looks at the camera with a deliberate desire to lick her sweet candy on a stick.] Your forbidden fruit.
[The Product Placement Specialist wraps “The Molotov Mocktail” inside her trademark ruby-red bathrobe. Her particular model tonight is a TowelSelections Turkish Terry Bathrobe. Lickinova saunters about the miniature mounds of sugar again. With each step, the fine material crackles under her feet.]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: A wise man once referred to his opponent as grain of sand and himself as entire Sahara Desert. I am not dat wise, talkink mostly in diatribe. Don’t worry, Roxi Johnson, you will be just desserts for crimes committed inside squared circle. Be-ink eye candy, dat is all we are to da mental midgets…just desserts.
My other fan base will desert me as well. After all, how can teemink female throngs with tighter thongs than wallets not cheer for one of their own? Da. So, here Sonja Maria Lickinova makes stand that you cannot save your world. Only think you can do is save yourself from beatink at my hands. At least then I’ll only need to slap taste out of one undeservink mouth. With that, I am lickink out.
[The self-promotion ends with an array of flashbulbs bursting behind the newly transformed supervillain. Only real difference is an attitude shift. Still, “The Bitchy Babe of Balashov” revels some more in front of the video camera before it blinks off automatically.]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: Greetinks, matroyshka dolls and dahlinks. Sonja Maria Lickinova is here for viewink pleasure. I am “Molotov Mocktail” for reason, because I am what I drink…virgin. [Mild laughter can be heard off-camera. Sonja Maria grits her teeth to display minor disappointment, but still look in control of the production.] Don’t know who made clerical error on Honey Winters’ cue cards, but they had get clue now. Had to get that off chest, you know. [She subconsciously licks her lower lip.] Speakink of which, I am graced with female competition this week in form of delusional duper-heroine Roxi Johnson. There is also ravink madman known as Castiel. However, I wash my hands of him like Dial Antibacterial Hand Soap.
[”The Saratov Sweetheart” proceeds to mime washes her hands as a Product Placement Specialist walks on screen. A gawky teenage boy decked out in a non-descript white t-shirt and knock-off blue jeans approaches her. Lickinova snatches a long cylindrical/slightly phallic bottle from the temp employee. She lathers her arms and legs with ungodly globs of what is labeled as “suntan lotion.” Then again, when licking the stuff off, said substance resembles Cool Whip whipped topping. Constant straining and stretching of her tongue muscle causes portions to fall onto the ground. Pouting her lips in a petulant manner, Lickinova starts dressing down her adversary.]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: Nyet, my focus revolves around dat masked mamacita…
[Without warning a digitized projection of Roxi Johnson develops. Pink and purple hues pulsate against a stormy sky while two cat-like eyes captivate the video camera’s gaze. Lime-green smoke and auburn-colored flames begin to interweave around those two slender ocular cavities. The smoke shapes itself into Roxi Johnson’s trademark mask and the flames into her burgundy-red locks. On the image, no lips are visible for the character knows not what she speaks. In place of Johnson’s lips, the avatar wears a thin piece of duct tape reading “Socks Knocked Off” in crudely written black Sharpie permanent marker. As the camera focuses back on Sonja Maria, she appears to be wearing a piece of jewelry resembling a striking pair of legs wrapped tightly around her neck.]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: This week at MP-Doble(Double)-U Supershow, I either get Rox off or I will be swimmink with Justice Lock ‘round my neck. Do my best swimmink under mountink pressure. She looks so naïve to da Assuasive (calming, soothing) Arts that I bet she could be lulled with a lollipop. Lucky for moi, I have plethora of different flavors at my disposal.
[The Product Placement Specialist rushes in with a stainless steel tray of various lollipops. From Tootsie Roll Pops and Chupa Chups to Ping Pop Whistle Lollipops, a wide assorted of various suckers are on display. Out of them all, Ms. Lickinova selects a Yummy Lix-brand lollipop to amplify fan service and provide subtle distraction for what she is about to disclose. For the first time during the entire self-promoting presentation, Sonja Maria rises to a vertical base.]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: Unlike Comrade Vision, John-son is thinkink clearly. I was born Soviet, raised Communist, and infiltrated myself into beleaguered bosom of Lady Liberty.
[She turns her back to the camera and points with both thumbs aimed downward to the American flag, then turns back around placing her left hand over her heart on the right-facing Russian Federation flag, and points with her right index finger towards the despicable depiction of the dreaded “Hammer & Sickle.”] My back is to America, my heart remains in Russia, and my mind resides somewhere in Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Maybe dat’s why you people say I’m crazy. Maybe dat’s why I lick on every think. When I step inside dat rink, passions become unleashed. It’s as simple as C & H Sugar, dahlink, I keep cravink forbidden fruit. [She looks at the camera with a deliberate desire to lick her sweet candy on a stick.] Your forbidden fruit.
Thwart me, Roxi, if you dare.
Try from apron, arena floor, or air.
In da end, you will be grounded in submission and despair.
To Red Lady sportink hell amount more flair.
Try from apron, arena floor, or air.
In da end, you will be grounded in submission and despair.
To Red Lady sportink hell amount more flair.
[The Product Placement Specialist wraps “The Molotov Mocktail” inside her trademark ruby-red bathrobe. Her particular model tonight is a TowelSelections Turkish Terry Bathrobe. Lickinova saunters about the miniature mounds of sugar again. With each step, the fine material crackles under her feet.]
Sonja Maria Lickinova: A wise man once referred to his opponent as grain of sand and himself as entire Sahara Desert. I am not dat wise, talkink mostly in diatribe. Don’t worry, Roxi Johnson, you will be just desserts for crimes committed inside squared circle. Be-ink eye candy, dat is all we are to da mental midgets…just desserts.
My other fan base will desert me as well. After all, how can teemink female throngs with tighter thongs than wallets not cheer for one of their own? Da. So, here Sonja Maria Lickinova makes stand that you cannot save your world. Only think you can do is save yourself from beatink at my hands. At least then I’ll only need to slap taste out of one undeservink mouth. With that, I am lickink out.
[The self-promotion ends with an array of flashbulbs bursting behind the newly transformed supervillain. Only real difference is an attitude shift. Still, “The Bitchy Babe of Balashov” revels some more in front of the video camera before it blinks off automatically.]