Post by Kurt Newman on Aug 19, 2012 21:51:41 GMT -5
The scene begins as I’m taking a shower. It’s something I like to do before every match. I like to smell awesome every time I head down to the ring. The fans love it and I hope the other wrestlers I face off against appreciate it also, because I hate it when I have to face off against someone who smells like kitty litter…….(cough) Enigma (cough)……….. So I take a bottle of Old Spice Body wash, which I may say is the best body wash to clean your dirty body with for your hair and body. And no, I’m not saying that because they sponsor me…………well they do but I’ve always liked their stuff………buy their products! Buy them now.
Anyways back on topic. I lather myself up and clean my body from head to toe. While doing this, I begin to sing a little tune, to pass the time. In my best singing voice, I sing a song.
Kurt Newman: “I remember when rock was young. Me and Suzie had so much fun, holding hands and skimming stones, had an old gold Chevy and a place of my own. But the biggest kick I ever got, was doing a thing called the Crocodile Rock. While the other kids were Rocking Round the Clock, we were hopping and bopping to the Crocodile Rock well, Crocodile Rocking is something shocking when your feet just can't keep still, I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will! Oh Lawdy mama, those Friday nights when Suzie wore her dresses tight, and the Crocodile Rocking was out of sight.”
Half way through the song, unbeknownst to me, the camera crew comes walking in and begins to record me taking a shower. Lucky for me though, I’m wearing the Awesome Title around Kurt Jr.
Kurt Newman: “Laaaaaaa! La la la la laaaaaaaaaa! La lala la la la laaaaa! La la la la aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!”
I turn around to find the camera crew recording me. The first reaction that overcomes me is to cover my nipples up with my hands.
Kurt Newman: “What the heck guys. Trying to take a shower here. I’m guessing you want a last minute promo before the epic Roll of the Dice Tournament huh?”
I reach behind me and turn the water off.
Kurt Newman: “Well let’s get this over with then.”
I grab a nearby towel and begin to dry myself off.
Kurt Newman: “Well it’s finally here boys. High Stakes. The first ever MPW Pay Per View in history. You feel that tingle going down your spine? You feel that knot in your stomach? Pay Per Views are such an awesome experience to be a part of. I’ve been through many throughout my career and I can’t help but feel like a kid going to Disney Land for the first time every time I’m part of one. Pay Per Views are where Legends are made. Pay Per View matches match up the best against other best. And it’s Pay Per Views where history is made.”
I finish drying my upper body, and I’m about to dry the bottom half off when I notice the camera is still recording.
Kurt Newman: “Keep it above the upper body boys. I know Kurt Jr. is well liked by everyone…….well mostly the ladies……..but he’s a little bit shy when it comes to over a million people watching at home.”
The camera man obliges to my request off screen. With that, I take the Awesome Title off and place it on my shoulder as I continue to dry the rest of my body off.
Kurt Newman: “Now I know there are a lot more matches going on than just ours. There’s title defenses, grudge matches, and a match to crown the new World Heavy Weight Champion. This match though. This match is going to blow the rest of them out of the water…….mostly because I’m in the match, and I’m always one to steal the spotlight whenever possible.”
I toss the towel behind me and place the Awesome Title back around my waste as I make my way over to my dressing room.
Kurt Newman: “I mean I’m Kurt Newman. The Ladies Man. The Humanoid Typhoon. The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. The guy that puts awe into awesome. Women want me and men want to be me. I mean look at this face. This face is putting MPW on the map. I know I talk highly about myself and place myself high above everyone else, but I can do so because I’m just that awesome. I mean I even got a title telling everyone that I’m awesome.”
Finally make it to my locker room. I pick up a controller on the couch and point it over to my speaker system. I press the play button, and through the speakers, Billie Holidays Crazy He Calls Me begins to play. A smile comes to my face as I listen to that angel’s voice playing through the speakers as I think back to brighter days.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mitLcbHHz8
Kurt Newman: “Now boys, I know you want this win tonight. With this victory, fame, money and a chance at the World Title can all be yours. With this victory, it can pretty much make or break your career. I mean to top it all off, it’s going to be a ladder match. I mean do you know how hard those matches can be? I mean we’re going to be hurting by the end of the match. Bones may be broken. Ligaments might be torn. Blood will be spilled and someone might even lose a tooth.”
I walk over to my locker and pull out my duffel bag where I begin to pull out my clothing.
Kurt Newman: “The thing with ladder matches though is I’m so awesome in them. I’m already a skilled individual in the ring; now add a ladder with all of my skills and it’s just going to make it better. I can promise you right now, I’m going to be flying off that ladder and hitting someone and it’s not going to feel good.”
I take set of whitie tighties and put them on.
Kurt Newman: “I know, I know. You didn’t really think of me as a whitie tightie person, but I like the whitie tighties more because it shows off my junk better than briefs.”
I take my wrestling shorts and begin to put them on.
Kurt Newman: “I’m telling you guys right now, I’m so excited for this match. I mean I can’t wait to hear my music play when it’s my turn to make my way down to the ring. That arena is going to go nuts as I make my way down to that ring because they know Kurt Newman is going to be putting on a show of a life time. And that’s what I plan on doing guys. I’m going to be putting everything on the line to win this match because I want this win. I need it. And no one, and I mean no one is going to be able to stop me. Not Enigma, not John, not Bloodhound, not Rage, and not even Caine.”
I sit down and begin to put my socks and boots on. While doing so, I continue my promo.
Kurt Newman: “Enigma, I thought I would have heard something from you by now. I mean you were talking such a big game a few weeks ago. Saying that you were going to kick my ass and put me in my place. But I guess you’re all talk with a glass jaw. After that match, I guess you found out that you don’t have what it takes to compete against the likes of myself. Come down to the ring anyways Enigma. Come down and see if you can try to defeat me again. I can promise you right now though Enigma, you’re going to fail once again like you did last time because you might be all muscle, but you got no brain. It’s going to be Kurt Newman two and Enigma zero. Believe that.”
“As for Bloodhound and Fisherman…….you two still suck. I mean I got nothing else to really say about you two that I haven’t said before. But to make it short and simple, you two can’t wrestle, you have no spines and no hearts for this industry and I’m pretty sure a midget could kick both your asses with one arm tide behind his back and he’s on his knees. So I hope you guys don’t even show up tonight because I’m pretty sure you’re going to make the match worse by just showing up. If you do, I swear to God. If you guys make this match suck, I’m personally going to kick your ass after the match.”
I finish lacing up my boots and move on to wrapping my wrist up with some white tape.
Kurt Newman: “Rage, Rage, Rage. You were another individual who I thought I would have heard from by now also. I mean you made such a huge statement last week that I thought you would be gloating on your accomplishments. But yet I’ve heard nothing from you. I’d be scared also if I got five other men wanting to kick my ass. I mean that little show that you performed last week was not cool. Not cool at all Rage. So, I hope you know, and you probably already know this, but you’re going to get your ass kicked tonight. It’s not just going to be myself or Caine kicking your ass. No, no, no my dear friend. It’s going to be Enigma kicking your ass. It’s going to be John and Bloodhound kicking your ass…….well if they show up. I’m sure you want to win this match tonight……..but you’re going to be a broken and crippled man after we get done with your ass Rage.”
I finish taping my wrist up and slowly get to my feet. I grab the Awesome Title and place it around my waste.
Kurt Newman: “As for you Caine. Good luck bro. If it’s not me winning that belt, then I hope it’s you. We’re two individuals that are going to push each other over the limits. We’re going to be putting our bodies on the line and we want that win more than anyone else….and it’s that state of mind and that heart that we show on a weekly basis that makes us the best MPW has to offer. We’ll just have to see who has the will to win this match by the end of the night. Seriously though Caine, you’re a great guy. If you were Popcorn, I’d spray you down with my butter…………that didn’t sound right. Let me try again. If you were a mailbox, I’d mount you on my front lawn………wait, that didn’t sound right either. Ummmmm…….if Caine was a term paper, I’d spend all night doing him………fuck it. I’m just digging myself a grave with this. Anyways Caine, good luck.”
I’m finally dressed up and ready to go as I pick up my Aviator glasses and place them over my eyes. I show off my million dollar smile one last time before I finish my promo.
Kurt Newman: “You guys should be happy I’m in this match. I mean with my talent, my charm, and my skills, this match is just going to be that much better. Try as you will to win, but Kurt Newman is just too good for all of you. I’ll see you guys in the ring.”
I throw up a peace sign before making my way out of the room, ending the scene.
End Scene
Anyways back on topic. I lather myself up and clean my body from head to toe. While doing this, I begin to sing a little tune, to pass the time. In my best singing voice, I sing a song.
Kurt Newman: “I remember when rock was young. Me and Suzie had so much fun, holding hands and skimming stones, had an old gold Chevy and a place of my own. But the biggest kick I ever got, was doing a thing called the Crocodile Rock. While the other kids were Rocking Round the Clock, we were hopping and bopping to the Crocodile Rock well, Crocodile Rocking is something shocking when your feet just can't keep still, I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will! Oh Lawdy mama, those Friday nights when Suzie wore her dresses tight, and the Crocodile Rocking was out of sight.”
Half way through the song, unbeknownst to me, the camera crew comes walking in and begins to record me taking a shower. Lucky for me though, I’m wearing the Awesome Title around Kurt Jr.
Kurt Newman: “Laaaaaaa! La la la la laaaaaaaaaa! La lala la la la laaaaa! La la la la aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!”
I turn around to find the camera crew recording me. The first reaction that overcomes me is to cover my nipples up with my hands.
Kurt Newman: “What the heck guys. Trying to take a shower here. I’m guessing you want a last minute promo before the epic Roll of the Dice Tournament huh?”
I reach behind me and turn the water off.
Kurt Newman: “Well let’s get this over with then.”
I grab a nearby towel and begin to dry myself off.
Kurt Newman: “Well it’s finally here boys. High Stakes. The first ever MPW Pay Per View in history. You feel that tingle going down your spine? You feel that knot in your stomach? Pay Per Views are such an awesome experience to be a part of. I’ve been through many throughout my career and I can’t help but feel like a kid going to Disney Land for the first time every time I’m part of one. Pay Per Views are where Legends are made. Pay Per View matches match up the best against other best. And it’s Pay Per Views where history is made.”
I finish drying my upper body, and I’m about to dry the bottom half off when I notice the camera is still recording.
Kurt Newman: “Keep it above the upper body boys. I know Kurt Jr. is well liked by everyone…….well mostly the ladies……..but he’s a little bit shy when it comes to over a million people watching at home.”
The camera man obliges to my request off screen. With that, I take the Awesome Title off and place it on my shoulder as I continue to dry the rest of my body off.
Kurt Newman: “Now I know there are a lot more matches going on than just ours. There’s title defenses, grudge matches, and a match to crown the new World Heavy Weight Champion. This match though. This match is going to blow the rest of them out of the water…….mostly because I’m in the match, and I’m always one to steal the spotlight whenever possible.”
I toss the towel behind me and place the Awesome Title back around my waste as I make my way over to my dressing room.
Kurt Newman: “I mean I’m Kurt Newman. The Ladies Man. The Humanoid Typhoon. The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. The guy that puts awe into awesome. Women want me and men want to be me. I mean look at this face. This face is putting MPW on the map. I know I talk highly about myself and place myself high above everyone else, but I can do so because I’m just that awesome. I mean I even got a title telling everyone that I’m awesome.”
Finally make it to my locker room. I pick up a controller on the couch and point it over to my speaker system. I press the play button, and through the speakers, Billie Holidays Crazy He Calls Me begins to play. A smile comes to my face as I listen to that angel’s voice playing through the speakers as I think back to brighter days.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mitLcbHHz8
Kurt Newman: “Now boys, I know you want this win tonight. With this victory, fame, money and a chance at the World Title can all be yours. With this victory, it can pretty much make or break your career. I mean to top it all off, it’s going to be a ladder match. I mean do you know how hard those matches can be? I mean we’re going to be hurting by the end of the match. Bones may be broken. Ligaments might be torn. Blood will be spilled and someone might even lose a tooth.”
I walk over to my locker and pull out my duffel bag where I begin to pull out my clothing.
Kurt Newman: “The thing with ladder matches though is I’m so awesome in them. I’m already a skilled individual in the ring; now add a ladder with all of my skills and it’s just going to make it better. I can promise you right now, I’m going to be flying off that ladder and hitting someone and it’s not going to feel good.”
I take set of whitie tighties and put them on.
Kurt Newman: “I know, I know. You didn’t really think of me as a whitie tightie person, but I like the whitie tighties more because it shows off my junk better than briefs.”
I take my wrestling shorts and begin to put them on.
Kurt Newman: “I’m telling you guys right now, I’m so excited for this match. I mean I can’t wait to hear my music play when it’s my turn to make my way down to the ring. That arena is going to go nuts as I make my way down to that ring because they know Kurt Newman is going to be putting on a show of a life time. And that’s what I plan on doing guys. I’m going to be putting everything on the line to win this match because I want this win. I need it. And no one, and I mean no one is going to be able to stop me. Not Enigma, not John, not Bloodhound, not Rage, and not even Caine.”
I sit down and begin to put my socks and boots on. While doing so, I continue my promo.
Kurt Newman: “Enigma, I thought I would have heard something from you by now. I mean you were talking such a big game a few weeks ago. Saying that you were going to kick my ass and put me in my place. But I guess you’re all talk with a glass jaw. After that match, I guess you found out that you don’t have what it takes to compete against the likes of myself. Come down to the ring anyways Enigma. Come down and see if you can try to defeat me again. I can promise you right now though Enigma, you’re going to fail once again like you did last time because you might be all muscle, but you got no brain. It’s going to be Kurt Newman two and Enigma zero. Believe that.”
“As for Bloodhound and Fisherman…….you two still suck. I mean I got nothing else to really say about you two that I haven’t said before. But to make it short and simple, you two can’t wrestle, you have no spines and no hearts for this industry and I’m pretty sure a midget could kick both your asses with one arm tide behind his back and he’s on his knees. So I hope you guys don’t even show up tonight because I’m pretty sure you’re going to make the match worse by just showing up. If you do, I swear to God. If you guys make this match suck, I’m personally going to kick your ass after the match.”
I finish lacing up my boots and move on to wrapping my wrist up with some white tape.
Kurt Newman: “Rage, Rage, Rage. You were another individual who I thought I would have heard from by now also. I mean you made such a huge statement last week that I thought you would be gloating on your accomplishments. But yet I’ve heard nothing from you. I’d be scared also if I got five other men wanting to kick my ass. I mean that little show that you performed last week was not cool. Not cool at all Rage. So, I hope you know, and you probably already know this, but you’re going to get your ass kicked tonight. It’s not just going to be myself or Caine kicking your ass. No, no, no my dear friend. It’s going to be Enigma kicking your ass. It’s going to be John and Bloodhound kicking your ass…….well if they show up. I’m sure you want to win this match tonight……..but you’re going to be a broken and crippled man after we get done with your ass Rage.”
I finish taping my wrist up and slowly get to my feet. I grab the Awesome Title and place it around my waste.
Kurt Newman: “As for you Caine. Good luck bro. If it’s not me winning that belt, then I hope it’s you. We’re two individuals that are going to push each other over the limits. We’re going to be putting our bodies on the line and we want that win more than anyone else….and it’s that state of mind and that heart that we show on a weekly basis that makes us the best MPW has to offer. We’ll just have to see who has the will to win this match by the end of the night. Seriously though Caine, you’re a great guy. If you were Popcorn, I’d spray you down with my butter…………that didn’t sound right. Let me try again. If you were a mailbox, I’d mount you on my front lawn………wait, that didn’t sound right either. Ummmmm…….if Caine was a term paper, I’d spend all night doing him………fuck it. I’m just digging myself a grave with this. Anyways Caine, good luck.”
I’m finally dressed up and ready to go as I pick up my Aviator glasses and place them over my eyes. I show off my million dollar smile one last time before I finish my promo.
Kurt Newman: “You guys should be happy I’m in this match. I mean with my talent, my charm, and my skills, this match is just going to be that much better. Try as you will to win, but Kurt Newman is just too good for all of you. I’ll see you guys in the ring.”
I throw up a peace sign before making my way out of the room, ending the scene.
End Scene
