Post by Matt Steele on Sept 11, 2012 16:36:39 GMT -5
RIINNNG....RIIINNNG....RIIIINNNGGGG.... You reached Michael Steele, I can't answer right now but leave a message after the beep.... beeepppp!
Hey Mike its Jimmy, call me back as soon as you hear this I really need to talk!
[Jimmy Fatal is sitting alone in the living room, he used to share with his tag partner David Alexander. He is staring at the bottle of Scotch he bought the day he decided to sober up. It was with that bottle in hand David and Mike found him unconscious on the floor of the locker room. He had never gotten to open it and it become his reminder of what had been.]
[Now he feels like it all is crumbling down again, David got hurt and will probably never return to the ring and he cant help feeling responsible, like he should have been there like David had been there for him]
[Again he grabs the phone and dials, but its still just the voice mail who answers. He takes one last long stare at the bottle, before getting up, grabbing his jacket and a pack of cigarettes as he leaves the apartment]
Damn you Mike where are you, I need you more than ever right now.
I need to change my focus, if I can't reach Mike I have to find a meeting, will do me good to take a walk, especially in the rain. I always liked the rain, its like they say it washes everything away, all the bad memories and unhealthy thoughts.
But still this empty feeling flows through me, I need direction, need to find myself again. I've done it before back when Mike was my sponsor, so I should be able to do it again. I have to do it again I need to follow the program need to take the steps and need to believe in my higher power
[As he walks down the rainy street he keeps pondering upon what he has to do to move on. until he reaches his destination, a small church where he knows he will find people who understands him]
I walk into the back room a lot of the other guys are already there, I nod at them as I head over to the coffee table. I grab a white paper cup and fill it with the vile brew that's called coffee here. I taste it, and still tastes awful, but at the same time it calms my nerves as I take a look around in the small room. A circle of chairs are standing in the middle of the room there is a table with A.A literature and a sign with the crest.
I catch a glimpse of Mark, who stands in a group with a couple of others. He is a slightly heavy guy, who sweats a lot, but he's a good man and a great listener, with nearly 20 years of sobriety. I walk over to him to say hello and maybe get some smalltalk in before we start
Hi guys, how are you on this fine night?
Mark smiles at me, he really has one of those warm and comforting smiles, that makes you feel safe and wanted
Hi Jimmy, I wouldn't call it a fine night, with the rain and all, but where there are good hearts, there is always good mood
I laugh I love this guys positivity
Have you met the others, this is Steve and Marcy, they are new
I shake hands with the middle aged couple, who with out a doubt have met each other through the program. They seem nice, she is pretty short, dark hair and kinda spunky. While he is around my height, balding and he's got that I know you from somewhere look on his face
Sorry to ask, but aren't you Jimmy Fatal?
Yeah that's me
Oh my god we used to watch you all the time back in your CBW days
Great people who know my past and knows about the damn midget
We loved you back then, the spots you had with the midget and donkey were great
Ohh great I had finally suppressed that damn donkey
So what are you up to these days still wrestling and comedy?
Idiots I never tried to do comedy, at least not intentionally
I'm still wrestling, I started out with a partner, but he got hurt, so now I'm looking to relaunch my singles career. You should check out the company its called MPW high value entertainment and class a wrestling....
The bell rings and interrupts me as Bill, the group leader, asks us to sit. I grab a chair next to Lucy, a cool gal who's a little younger than me, we usually sit together and share so I know I'm in good hands. Steve and Marcy take the seats on the other side of me, but I don't really notice them anymore, cause this is where I don't feel obligated to be Jimmy the wrestler, but instead to be Jimmy the person.
[The meeting starts and Bill, a skinny guy in his mid sixties, reads from the Big Book and ask if there's any anniversaries, but today there is no one. Bill continues]
Is there anyone who is in need of help from the group, who wants to share pain, sorrow, happiness or joy?
[Jimmy rises and looks at the group]
Hi my name is Jimmy and I'm an alchoholic...
[The group looks back at him and responds]
Hi Jimmy
Recently I've been feeling lost, like I've lost my guiding light, it started when David my tag team partner got hurt... you see our relationship was more than just partners in the ring, David was one of the guys who got me into the program and who took care of me while I couldn't take care of myself. Now he is lying in a hospital bed and I want to be there for him, but I also need to take care of myself.
David himself has told me he wants me to get back in the ring and start focusing on my career, but I cant really let go of the need to be there for him.
I've been taking some time of work to be with him and to figure out where to go from here, if I should go back home with him and leave it all or if I should let go and continue...
I know David is cared for by his family and his friends so I'm not needed like that and his wishes is for me to stay and continue...
So for the last two days I have tried to get a hold of my old sponsor, hoping he will come out and help me re take the steps... I know many of you here are more than qualified for this and a lot of you have more years than he does, but at the same time I know he knows the business I'm in and he knows how to keep me from taking that first drink, I'm grateful that I found this group and I hope that he will join me here soon... thank you.
[He sits back down and the meeting continues with others sharing stories about feeling lost, using the twelve steps and finding sponsors.]
[As the meeting ends they stand and take each others hands, Bill asks Jimmy to lead the serenity prayer]
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage
to change the things I can
and the wisdom
to know the difference
[The group splits up and Jimmy goes to the outside, he looks down the sidewalk to the lamppost where David usually would wait for him, but there is no one. Sad, but grateful he starts his walk home as his phone rings]
Hey its Mike whats up? you sounded like shit in the message you left
Well lets say things ain't as good as they could be and I was thinking about if you would come out and help me get back on top... all expenses paid of course
I have to look at my schedule and sort out some things before I can give you an answer, but now tell me whats bugging you
[The rain has stopped and Jimmy walks down the wet streets telling it all one more time, with his old friend listening]
Hey Mike its Jimmy, call me back as soon as you hear this I really need to talk!
[Jimmy Fatal is sitting alone in the living room, he used to share with his tag partner David Alexander. He is staring at the bottle of Scotch he bought the day he decided to sober up. It was with that bottle in hand David and Mike found him unconscious on the floor of the locker room. He had never gotten to open it and it become his reminder of what had been.]
[Now he feels like it all is crumbling down again, David got hurt and will probably never return to the ring and he cant help feeling responsible, like he should have been there like David had been there for him]
[Again he grabs the phone and dials, but its still just the voice mail who answers. He takes one last long stare at the bottle, before getting up, grabbing his jacket and a pack of cigarettes as he leaves the apartment]
Damn you Mike where are you, I need you more than ever right now.
I need to change my focus, if I can't reach Mike I have to find a meeting, will do me good to take a walk, especially in the rain. I always liked the rain, its like they say it washes everything away, all the bad memories and unhealthy thoughts.
But still this empty feeling flows through me, I need direction, need to find myself again. I've done it before back when Mike was my sponsor, so I should be able to do it again. I have to do it again I need to follow the program need to take the steps and need to believe in my higher power
[As he walks down the rainy street he keeps pondering upon what he has to do to move on. until he reaches his destination, a small church where he knows he will find people who understands him]
I walk into the back room a lot of the other guys are already there, I nod at them as I head over to the coffee table. I grab a white paper cup and fill it with the vile brew that's called coffee here. I taste it, and still tastes awful, but at the same time it calms my nerves as I take a look around in the small room. A circle of chairs are standing in the middle of the room there is a table with A.A literature and a sign with the crest.
I catch a glimpse of Mark, who stands in a group with a couple of others. He is a slightly heavy guy, who sweats a lot, but he's a good man and a great listener, with nearly 20 years of sobriety. I walk over to him to say hello and maybe get some smalltalk in before we start
Hi guys, how are you on this fine night?
Mark smiles at me, he really has one of those warm and comforting smiles, that makes you feel safe and wanted
Hi Jimmy, I wouldn't call it a fine night, with the rain and all, but where there are good hearts, there is always good mood
I laugh I love this guys positivity
Have you met the others, this is Steve and Marcy, they are new
I shake hands with the middle aged couple, who with out a doubt have met each other through the program. They seem nice, she is pretty short, dark hair and kinda spunky. While he is around my height, balding and he's got that I know you from somewhere look on his face
Sorry to ask, but aren't you Jimmy Fatal?
Yeah that's me
Oh my god we used to watch you all the time back in your CBW days
Great people who know my past and knows about the damn midget
We loved you back then, the spots you had with the midget and donkey were great
Ohh great I had finally suppressed that damn donkey
So what are you up to these days still wrestling and comedy?
Idiots I never tried to do comedy, at least not intentionally
I'm still wrestling, I started out with a partner, but he got hurt, so now I'm looking to relaunch my singles career. You should check out the company its called MPW high value entertainment and class a wrestling....
The bell rings and interrupts me as Bill, the group leader, asks us to sit. I grab a chair next to Lucy, a cool gal who's a little younger than me, we usually sit together and share so I know I'm in good hands. Steve and Marcy take the seats on the other side of me, but I don't really notice them anymore, cause this is where I don't feel obligated to be Jimmy the wrestler, but instead to be Jimmy the person.
[The meeting starts and Bill, a skinny guy in his mid sixties, reads from the Big Book and ask if there's any anniversaries, but today there is no one. Bill continues]
Is there anyone who is in need of help from the group, who wants to share pain, sorrow, happiness or joy?
[Jimmy rises and looks at the group]
Hi my name is Jimmy and I'm an alchoholic...
[The group looks back at him and responds]
Hi Jimmy
Recently I've been feeling lost, like I've lost my guiding light, it started when David my tag team partner got hurt... you see our relationship was more than just partners in the ring, David was one of the guys who got me into the program and who took care of me while I couldn't take care of myself. Now he is lying in a hospital bed and I want to be there for him, but I also need to take care of myself.
David himself has told me he wants me to get back in the ring and start focusing on my career, but I cant really let go of the need to be there for him.
I've been taking some time of work to be with him and to figure out where to go from here, if I should go back home with him and leave it all or if I should let go and continue...
I know David is cared for by his family and his friends so I'm not needed like that and his wishes is for me to stay and continue...
So for the last two days I have tried to get a hold of my old sponsor, hoping he will come out and help me re take the steps... I know many of you here are more than qualified for this and a lot of you have more years than he does, but at the same time I know he knows the business I'm in and he knows how to keep me from taking that first drink, I'm grateful that I found this group and I hope that he will join me here soon... thank you.
[He sits back down and the meeting continues with others sharing stories about feeling lost, using the twelve steps and finding sponsors.]
[As the meeting ends they stand and take each others hands, Bill asks Jimmy to lead the serenity prayer]
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage
to change the things I can
and the wisdom
to know the difference
[The group splits up and Jimmy goes to the outside, he looks down the sidewalk to the lamppost where David usually would wait for him, but there is no one. Sad, but grateful he starts his walk home as his phone rings]
Hey its Mike whats up? you sounded like shit in the message you left
Well lets say things ain't as good as they could be and I was thinking about if you would come out and help me get back on top... all expenses paid of course
I have to look at my schedule and sort out some things before I can give you an answer, but now tell me whats bugging you
[The rain has stopped and Jimmy walks down the wet streets telling it all one more time, with his old friend listening]