Let's go to the Mall! TODAY!

[promisedones]

~Scene opens as Christian Carter’s car pulls in to a parking spot and smokes from the hood. Jake is singing and moving around in the car and Carter shuts off the engine and opens the door. Jake opens the door and steps out~

Jake Cage: Why did you turn off the music? Why are we stopped? Where are we? Are we there yet? Why..

Christian Carter Jake! Shut it!... We are here

~Jake’s face lights up as he smiles and stares~

Jake Cage: this is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Wow.. It’s an architectural beauty. What did you call this building again?

Christian Carter: The Mall.

Jake Cage: The mall huh? It’s amazing!

Christian Carter: Whatever Jake, let’s just go in and get it over with. I need to get some new clothes. I’m a Champion now I need to dress like one.

“Mr Big shot all of a sudden but I guess it’s true….He should dress as Bob Barker…don’t forget to spay or neuter your pets! Wow the mall…..this reminds me of a….YES! Carter will love it if I play this now!”

~Cage takes out his phone and hits play.~



Jake Cage: LET’S GO TO THE MALL EVERYBODY!!!

Christian Carter: Dude! What are you doing?

~Jake starts skipping then does a cartwheel.~

Jake Cage: Everybody come and play……

Christian Carter: CAGE! Come on man what in the world…..

~Many mall customers are looking at Cage.~

Christian Carter: He’s doesn’t get out often……hehe…….Cage…..CAGE! Stop it!

“Jeez I thought Clash was Captain Cranky Pants……”

Jake Cage: Alright fine but seriously do you really have to wear the belt wherever you go?

~Jake knocks on Carter’s stomach which clinks like metal. Carter gets embarrassed~

Christian Carter: So what, I like wearing the belt out. It’s been a while since I had one. Wanna grab lunch first? I’m starving.

Jake Cage: I can always eat!

~They walk towards Pizza Universe and grab two seats by the giant indoor play place. The waitress comes over~

Waitress: How are you two doing today? Start off with some drinks?

Jake Cage: I’ll have a lemonade and my friend here will have a Mike’s hard.

Waitress: I’m sorry sir but we don’t serve alcohol here.

Jake Cage: Huh.. That’s strange. Alright get him a beer.

Waitress: Sir I said we don’t serve alcohol here.

Jake Cage: Oh, right right. Alright he will have...

Christian Carter: I’ll have a damn Mountain Dew! My god!

~The waitress writes it down and walks away irritated~

Jake Cage: Was it something I said?

~Christian just shakes his head and holds up the menu to his face~

Christian Carter: Well Cage this is our big debut this week. We can finally take MPW’s Tag Division to the next level.

Jake Cage: We got it my friend don’t you worry!!

“It’s cool that he takes our tag team seriously, it’s actually one of the few things in my life tha………Oh look a Ballpit!”

Jake Cage: Uhhhh I’ll be right back Carter pee break!

~Christian keeps reading the menu as Jake Cage walks away from the table~

Christian Carter: What? Yeah whatever…..
~Carter buries his head in the menu again. Jake checks back at Carter then grins from ear to ear.~

“Oh man! This is going to be great! AH MAN! A line! Time to work that cage magic!”

~Cage stands behind a little girl anxiously waiting in line.~

Jake Cage: Ahem…..AHEM!

~Cage taps the little girls shoulder as she turns around.~

Jake Cage: Hey there little girl how about I give you some candy and you let me…..

Little Girl: AHHHHHHH STRANGER DANGER!

Jake Cage: What? No….I was just asking if you wanted candy because I wanted to jump on some balls………

Little Girl: AHHHHHHHHHHH DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!

Daddy: WHAT?!?! You stupid son of a bitch! Get the hell away from my daughter you perverted moron!

“How do I always get myself into these situations? Where’s Carter?”

Jake Cage: Listen buddy…This was a HUGE misunderstanding…..Right little girl?

~Cage looks down at her and she kicks him in the shin.~

Jake Cage: OUCH! That’s going to hurt for like 12 minutes or so now!

Daddy: I’m going to rip your head off!!

“OH boy….I gotta think of something fast…….ummmmmmmm wait why am I here?”

Jake Cage: CANNNNNNNNONBALLL!!!!!

~Cage runs past all the kids and takes a cannonball into the ball pit as kids scatter. Back at the table the waitress comes over with their drinks and Carter points at the menu and shows her the picture~

Christian Carter: I think im going to have this burger right here but can I get bacon on it?

Waitress: Yes no problem

Christian Carter: What do you want Jake...... Jake?

~Christian looks around and than looks over his shoulder at a commotion by the ball pit area. He gets up right away~

Christian Carter: Excuse me just a second.

~The little girls father is in the ball pit chasing Jake around as he swims around the ball pit. Christian stands outside the netted area.~

Christian Carter: JAKE! JAKE Get your ass out there right now!

Jake Cage: Christian! Christian! Help! This guy is chasing me! Christian! Help!

Christian Carter: Jake get your ass over here and lets get out of here right now. I can’t take you anywhere!

~Jake swims around as the guy is hot on his tail. Jake swims around as the guy is hot on his tail. The father is about to grab Jake but he jumps and inadvertently hits him in his groin. Jake swims towards Christian.~

Jake Cage: Christian….I…….I can’t get out….there are balls everywhere around my face…….

Christian Carter: Dude….are you?..........for Christ’s sakes! Fine hang on.

~Christian stands on the edge of the ball pit and holds his arm out. Cage grabs it and pulls himself up to his feet. Cage then tries to jump up to the ledge but slips and pulls Christian in with him.~

“Odd? Who all saw that one coming?”

~Christian rises out of the pit in anger.~

Christian Carter: CAGE LET’S GO THIS IS ENOU……

Jake Cage: Bazinga!

Christian Carter: Really?

Jake Cage: What? It was funny when Sheldon did it…..

Christian Carter: That’s because Sheldon is funny and you’re just a moron!!

~Cage stands up looking sad.~

Jake Cage: Fine…..*sniff*…..You know you can be very mean sometimes…..
~Cage climbs out of the ball pit and Christian shakes his head.~

Christian Carter: Cage….look man come back I didn’t…

~Cage walks away as the father comes up from behind Carter.~

Dad: You know you’re right that guy is a fucking moron and needs someone to teach him a less….

~Carter turns around and clocks the Father in the face knocking him out.~

Christian Carter: Don’t talk about my tag team partner that way! He’s not a moron….he’s one of the best friends I’ve ever had in my lif……..

Jake Cage: I KNEW IT BUDDY!!!

Christian Carter: Ahhhhh crap!

~Christian climbs out of the pit.~

Christian Carter: You uh…..you heard that huh?

Jake Cage: The whole thing best buddy old pal……

“Wow I knew Christian was never ignoring me! He knows just how good The Promised Ones are!”

Jake Cage: I came back because I knew you didn’t mean to call me a moron.

Christian Carter: Yes I did…..

Jake Cage: HAHAHA You’re funny buddy…..so where to next?

~Jake puts his arm around Carter as they walk out of the ruckus they just caused at the pizza place~

Christian Carter: Well to start, I’m hungry so let’s grab a pretzel or something

~Carter walks up to the pretzel stand and orders two pretzels. He hands one to carter~

Christian Carter: Okay, now take this, and this napkin and go sit down on the bench. Jesus! Why do I have to talk to you like a toddler!

~Jake skips over to the bench and sits indian style and begins to eat his pretzel~

Christian Carter: Do you understand what we have on our hands this week Cage? I just went through a hellacious three way dance where I won my title, and this week we have to face a former World Champion and the one of the most aggressive and evil groups in the wrestling industry today. We need to start taking things seriously

Jake Cage: Oh I take it seriously…..You know me Mr. Serious!

Christian Carter: Mr. Serious? Cage you sent me the farting preacher youtube clip an hour ago.

Jake Cage: Hahahaha yeah but man….he’s a preacher and he farts! What’s not to like?!?

Christian Carter: This is what I mean man…..We are facing Johnny Clash and Jason Xavier members of the True Wrestling……

Jake Cage: WOW! LOOK AT THE CHICK! HER BREASTS ARE BIGGER THAN BIGUNS!! I gotta go take a pic….

~Cage gets up and runs off.~

Christian Carter: Jake! You can’t just go and take pictures of women’s breasts!!! JAKE!!! Ah man I’d have an easier time stealing Jelly donuts from Rage.

~Cage walks inconspicuously beside the woman and holds up his phone taking a quick picture of the large breasted woman behind him. Cage stops and looks at the picture he just took. Christian grabs his arm.~

Jake Cage: OW!

Christian Carter: Seriously! I’m trying to talk with you and you can’t even pay me the same respect….How do you………..Jesus those were huge!

Jake Cage: I know right?!?!

Christian Carter: Nevermind though Cager…..we need to focus! I need you to focus on our match.

“He sure does say focus a lot…..kinda sounds like fuck us and then gets kinda gross.”

Jake Cage: Look man…..I’m focused I just like to have fun but the second I step through those ropes I know what we have to do. Xavier don’t worry about him……all he is TWI’s fluffer….Clash is the top dog but look we got to him once we can do it again.

Christian Carter: I know man but last week he got you pretty good.

Jake Cage: He did….I’m not afraid to admit he got me but let me tell you something that was his one…..everyone gets one…..He overestimates us Christian….He is entirely focused on Trey Baxter and not The Promised Ones.

Christian Carter: Wow Jake that actually sounded intelligent. Maybe you are ready for this match. Let’s do it partner.

~Johnny sticks out his fist for a bump but Jake sticks out his hand for a high five and they awkwardly pound hands and start walking away down the mall.~

Christian Carter: We are one step away from the Tag Team Championships buddy.. Let’s do it up!.... Jake..... Jake?

~Christian turns around and Jake is on the mini carousel by himself, swinging Christian’s Championship belt around. Christian shakes his head slowly as the scene fades~